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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish women could just flash their boobs in public and it wouldn't be a biggie..

43 replies

tholeon · 27/05/2012 20:12

like men can on a hot day. Ok, so I am not going to mount a one woman protest in Starbucks, but here's me, today, mortified when trying to breastfeed five month old in a cafe today because she was insisting, in her baby innocence, on not being 'discreet', while in the meantime men are merrily strolling about with their pecs out because it is a hot day. Is this fair?? Am not an exhibitionist, I just want to feed my baby...

OP posts:

molly3478 · 28/05/2012 07:06

I will add I can only think of 3 bfing women I have ever seen do it in public my entire life.

Pompoko · 28/05/2012 07:54

Best thing to do when breastfeeding in public and want to stay private, is simply get on with it. Trying to cover up draws attention with a crying baby or flustered mum.

lazilou · 28/05/2012 08:13

where are all these judgey starey people coming from

i have never stared or been stared at when feeding my children either bottles or boobs, couldnt care less what other women are doing - there is always something better than that to stare at surely

hackmum · 28/05/2012 08:53

Underwater: "I love a good argument, and no-one once took offence to me BFing in public (often quite haphazardly too!). It was almost disappointing."

Me too! I was prepared to stand my ground on it. I had a couple of people stare at me in a vaguely hostile fashion when I was bfing DD when she was a bit older (say about 1). But no-one ever said anything. I did, however, have a couple of people come up to me and say how lovely it was to see someone bfing their baby.

Mrsjay · 28/05/2012 09:42

I have to agree with your lazilou I wonder if the breastfeeders feel a little uncomfy with it I dont know? but i see babies being fed when out and about breast and bottle and i have never seen anybody stare or tut they are usually to busy ,

Original poster

tholeon · 28/05/2012 14:07

Yes ok am probably overestimating the extent to which people are bothered by what I'm doing! It's more the men that worry me, more than other women, especially mums...

OP posts:

Mrsjay · 28/05/2012 14:31

I dont think men will see you feeding your baby as anything other than that , and most people if they are offended (they shouldnt be ) will look away , if people judge then it is their problem not yours , you are not intentionally exposing yourself ,

BarefootShirl · 28/05/2012 15:32

I BF both DCs and, although I tried to be reasonably discreet I wouldn't worry if people could see my boobs. In my book it's them that have issues if they find such a natural act offensive.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/05/2012 15:37

I'm the other way - I don't want to see anyone's nipples constantly out, particularly hairy male mooby ones. Not in Tesco, not in Starbucks, not unless on a beach.

Great with a flash of your breastfeeding ones, that's normal - but saggy man boob with grey hair, with a river of murky oily sweat running down the centre - bleurghhhhhhhhhhh.

Put them AWAY men!

UnderwaterBasketWeaving · 28/05/2012 19:34

hack!

I was casually feeding DS in the carrier with the hood up whilst shopping when he was about 8mo. Really, no-one could see anything (they hadn't when we'd done it in B&Q). Except the two lovely older shop assistant ladies in the kitchen shop who had clocked it immediately and we're ahh-ing all over the place! Was very sweet!

Really, though, they're just bodies. Everyone's got one!

lola88 · 28/05/2012 20:52

KateShmate I did point out we look very odd with a buggy wall but it was the only way she would do it :( I asked what she would have done if i wasn't there to talk her into it she said pack up DS1 who had only been playing for 20 mins a huungey 7 week old DS2 and take them home on a 20 min bus jouney.

I FF but i honestly couldn't believe she was so self conscious she would let her baby go hungry than feed him but then again i've never been there. I think there has been a lot of bad storys but 90% of people don't care.

Tho there is a woman at my baby and toddler group who feeds by pulling her boob out chatting for 5 mins latching baby on then letting it all hang out for another 5 while she winds her baby half to death and we all try not to stare at her boob i think she's waiting for someone to say something so she can state her case.

KateShmate · 28/05/2012 21:56

Sorry lola I didn't mean to sound as though she was being ridiculous, I just meant that so many mums think that if they cover themselves with loads of things then no one can see - but actually they just make themselves more noticeable.
It is sad when women are so worried about other peoples' opinions :(

I 100% agree on the 'OTT-BF'ers' - the ones who answer the door with one boob hanging out and wonder whats wrong!
Without trying to sound mean - theres so many OTT'ers who put other mums off BF'ing. I'm all for the fact that BF'ers should be proud, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with Bf'ing in public etc etc, but I've had so many mums say to me that they don't want to BF because they don't want to 'have their boobs flopping out everywhere' - they don't realize that it doesnt have to be that way!
Totally agree that she is waiting for someone to say something so that she can argue the fact that she is 'BF'ing and proud'. No reason not to be, but you don't need to wave it around like a balloon!

NicNocJnr · 29/05/2012 00:19

Although I've always been up for any excuse to get the girls out! I've never had my boobs out and flapping anywhere, like I say not due to modesty because I'm a shameless tart but it would have been more work for me to hoik all my top layers up and get the baps fully out than to do what we did.

Also most of the blokes I know never had a problem or stared at bf mums. I often fed at the clubhouse bar after a rugby match & the only guys that twigged were dads & when they drew attention to us it was due to clucking about the baby, they were worse than old ladies the lot of them! It was very sweet. Hairy moobs though urrgh.

lola88 · 29/05/2012 21:09

KateShmate tbh it was ridiculous poor baby screamed his head of while she tried to feed him from my DS bottle it's a diff formula n he was having none of it then the 10 mins while he screamed as i reasured her then another 5 mins while i faffed about with buggys etc.

She BF DS1 for 8 months and never once done it outside her house! She's giving up BF because it's to much hassle to be in the house and since she seen my DS is thriving in formula which is fine if it's what she wants to do but think it's slightly crazy to do it just because she thinks maybe someone might look a her. She an expert after doing it so long as well has no problemsand a great supply no reason not to do it apart from other people who don't even care.

lovebunny · 29/05/2012 21:43

breastfeeding mums' nipples don't count. show them whenever you like.

IAmBooybilee · 29/05/2012 21:49

well no-one might have said anything to OP about feeding her baby but i would imagine it would be a different story if she had taken her top and bra off and just sat there like all the men are able to do.

i agree with you OP. if it's ok for men to wear no tops then it should be ok for women.

KateShmate · 31/05/2012 12:00

lola That sounds like craziness! And a lot more faff than if she had just sat and BF'ed him quietly!
I always feel a bit sorry for BF babies when they are covered over with a blanket/muslin so that no one can see any boob exposure - I probably wouldn't want to be fed with a muslin over my head!

Ahh thats really sad that shes giving up BF'ing just because shes nervous about doing it in public. Have absolutely no problem with FF - I had to do it with all of mine after a while as my supply was awful as DD's were prem - and my DTriplets weren't putting on enough weight either so had to FF them. It wasn't an issue at all, and they did thrive on formula, but still would have liked to carry on BF'ing all my DD's if I could have

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