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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pay child maintenance?

102 replies

lemonybarcode · 26/05/2012 22:56

Hi I have four children, the younger two are looked after by me and their father exactly 50/50 in terms of nights/time. I pay for all clothes/haircuts/swimming lessons/shoes/school trips etc for both of them. I work full time and their father does not work.

He has now been awarded child benefit for the youngest child, this means that I am not eligible for any CTC, but also that I cant claim any childcare costs for the youngest when i am at work during the school hols (obv their father has no need for this as he is not working). It also means that he can claim maintenance for the youngest child. AIBU in being pissed off that he can get £200 odd a month from me (and therefore make me unable to provide for all 4 kids) or should I just suck it up? Any advice?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 26/05/2012 23:02

If their father does not work, surely he can provide childcare for his own dc while you do?

How on earth did he come to be awarded Child Benefit?

Sirzy · 26/05/2012 23:04

What oldlady said. Why are you paying childcare when he is off work?

Krumbum · 26/05/2012 23:05

He should be doing child care whilst you work. As it is now neither of you should pay maintenance if you do exactly 50/50 child care.

Olympia2012 · 26/05/2012 23:06

If he dies the childcare it won't be 50/50 anymore..

Original poster
lemonybarcode · 26/05/2012 23:08

He got awarded CB for the youngest as it was decreed that we were both eligible for CB. so they said that we could claim for a child each. One might think that he would provide childcare during the school hols etc, but he does no more that his 50 per cent . This obv leaves me with a childcare issue. Im still within the appeal period for the Cb decision, but Im not sure what grounds I have for arguing?

OP posts:
Kayano · 26/05/2012 23:09

Are all four kids his or just the youngest two?

Kayano · 26/05/2012 23:11

Has he actually claimed any maintenence though? If he has them half the time he will need some cash to enable this so just getting cb for one child sounds fine to me

Original poster
lemonybarcode · 26/05/2012 23:11

just the youngest are his - but the others are 18 and 20, so still need a room at home (hols during uni)

OP posts:
AnAirOfHope · 26/05/2012 23:11

I would let him earn the maintaince by lookinng after and providing for his child.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 26/05/2012 23:11

This was court-ordered? I can see why they'd think a 50/50 on the CB would be fair, without taking into account the consequences. Could you see/write to your MP?

Sirzy · 26/05/2012 23:12

I would tell him to apply through the CSA for maintaniance, with the arrangement you have I cant see him getting far!

Kayano · 26/05/2012 23:12

The older two cant really be described as kids then can they? They are adults and actually none of his concern at all

CrispyCod · 26/05/2012 23:14

I think it sounds fair to be honest. Although, you'd think he'd want the kids more during summer holidays given the chance.

squeakytoy · 26/05/2012 23:14

Presumably he needs to be able to feed them when they are with him. If he isnt working, then that needs to be financed one way or another.

If you were not working, and he was, you would expect some sort of financial help from him wouldnt you?

Original poster
lemonybarcode · 26/05/2012 23:14

Kayano - yes I can agree with him needing some funds, (although trying to get a job would be a good start) and in a way I can accept the CB/CTC. Its the maintenance that is the prob. Ive not had the CSA call yet - but he told me its imminent

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 26/05/2012 23:15

I think appeal grounds could certainly include that although care is shared 50/50, your expenses re the dc are not. Because you're paying for clothes, shoes etc to which he does not contribute 50%. And the add-on benefits that go with the CB matter to you (and your dc) but make no difference to him.

Dropdeadfred · 26/05/2012 23:16

Did he apply for the cb because he knew he'd then get maintenance? If not why not suggest you claim the cb still then you'd be able to claim
Tax credits for child are costs and could afford to pay him a bit in maintenance

Original poster
lemonybarcode · 26/05/2012 23:17

Squeaky - If I had 2 kids Id try to get a job to support them!

OP posts:
AnAirOfHope · 26/05/2012 23:17

Why cant the older two look after the children in school hols in return for board and keep?

If you have two children that are his and he pays for one and you the other, is that not fair?

As he does not work i would expect him to do more childcare.

Original poster
lemonybarcode · 26/05/2012 23:18

DFD Ive tried this - he wants the IS and HB that comes with the CB

OP posts:
Original poster
lemonybarcode · 26/05/2012 23:19

Oldlady - thanks Ill think about that

OP posts:
Mosman · 26/05/2012 23:19

CB is what a couple of quid a week, could you not give him the money on the basis that you need to claim it for the childcare costs. It's no skin off his nose if he gets £15 a week from you or the government.

Mosman · 26/05/2012 23:20

Ah right it's the gatekeeper benefit. Well he does need a roof over the kids heads 50% of the time.

Original poster
lemonybarcode · 26/05/2012 23:20

Mosman - its the IS and HB he wants - so that he doesnt have to work

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/05/2012 23:20

I would contest the CB award as you are the one that has to provide financially for both of them and pay all childcare costs as your ex will not provide the childcare for them whilst you work.

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