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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be letting my 3.2 year old cry it out?

46 replies

willyoustillloveme · 25/05/2012 20:36

Please be gentle oh god I'm going to get flamed

DD co-slept with me and DH until she was 18 months, we then lay beside her until now. Her sleep is getting worse, takes about 1 hour plus for her to go to sleep and she wakes most nights.

We have 2 older children and I am pregnant. The evening bedtime is having a negative knock on effect on us all and we need to deal with this before dc4 is born.

I'm sitting here listening to her cry, scream, shout....she needs a wee, a poo, shes sorry , shes scares etc.

So?

OP posts:

poshbird1 · 25/05/2012 21:41

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Jinsei · 25/05/2012 21:42

I'm quite sure that controlled crying can work, but that doesn't necessarily make it the right thing to do.

giraffes · 25/05/2012 21:43

if she is safe, doesn't need the loo etc maybe she is so tired she is overcome and the kindest thing you can do is just leave her cry for a little. If you keep responding, you're continuing to stimulate her....i really don't get people who think it is cruel!

BsshBossh · 25/05/2012 21:49

Oh I love the kissing game idea. A very sweet way of doing controlled crying. Let us know if it continues to work OP...

skybluepearl · 25/05/2012 22:08

We have 10 mins in the bedroom together and we just chat. Alarm goes off at end of 10 mins and I leave. I'll often say I'm just popping out to eat/wash up/mop floor and I'll pop back but only if you are resting and quiet.

skybluepearl · 25/05/2012 22:09

Reward for calmly going to bed?

thebody · 25/05/2012 22:21

Ok babe, she's 3.5. You have co slept and it ain't working is it??

Go into her at intervals. She wants u to stay with her, play with her, entertain her and why not?? Because you are adults and need sleep.!!

So be sensible, u need adult time and you are pregnant.

Kids will demand as much attention as you are prepared to give.

You are the adults here she is the child

Get back control

I know as I did controlled crying with my first dc, saved my sanity and his life. 4 Dcs down line and all happy normal adults/ teens.

Ignore all ops who agonise about a crying toddler, they are tougher than u think.

bringmesunshine2009 · 25/05/2012 22:26

Posh bird! What is wrong with removal of privileges for acting up?! Mine are going to be scarred for life. Though I go the other way "DS, would you like to watch Peppa Pig?" "Yeah!" "Well go to sleep and you can watch it in the morning" DS clamps eyes shut and stays put.

Original poster

willyoustillloveme · 26/05/2012 07:10

This is why I heart MN. Thanks for all the advice and suggestions.

Well, my little cherub slept all night!!! And has woken up in a great mood. Fingers crossed the kissing game will work again tonight.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 26/05/2012 07:16

I don't think that sleeping with the older children is a good idea- as an older child I would have hated it!

Original poster

willyoustillloveme · 26/05/2012 07:19

I agree exotic, DD3 might like it but the older DDs certainly would not!

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 26/05/2012 07:24

As the eldest I resented being used to solve a problem that wasn't mine.

tholeon · 26/05/2012 07:31

Following with interest, have a three year old who needs to have his hand held to go to sleep at night. Tis most annoying as we have a baby as well. Tried bribery but it didn't work...

WhiteWidow · 26/05/2012 09:33

My next door neighbour used to let her child 'cry it out' and I hated her for it simply because it disturbed my sleep as well as hers.

I never got to find if it worked or not because she then had the child taken off her unfortunately.

Personally I'd wait it out, she'll learn that she can't just cry for attention.

Original poster

willyoustillloveme · 26/05/2012 20:32

UPDATE - DD has gone to bed by herself no problems using the kissing game, 2nd kiss and she was asleep - took all of 5 mintues!!! Thanks so much to poster who recommended it.

I wish we had done that from the start. Hehoy, you can't get it right all the time.

OP posts:

EclecticShock · 26/05/2012 20:37

Good news!

pointythings · 26/05/2012 21:09

Brilliant! - sounds like she just needed a little prop to make it work, well done you!

maddening · 26/05/2012 21:27

yey! Well done, so glad it worked - with ds's sleep being so poor I have been reading about so many different methods and that one just sounded so nice so I had stored it away for when ds is old enough (incase I haven't cracked it by then :-))

TheFlyingFishFinger · 26/05/2012 22:08

Aw glad she's asleep OP. it's very stressful when they're like that.

I used to read DD a story, tuck her in, give her a kiss. She would always beg me to stay, so I used to say to her " I'm going to go downstairs for a bit to tidy up, I'll come back up when you're asleep"

This tactic worked for about a year

babybythesea · 26/05/2012 22:37

I don't know if this would be useful or not, but my dd (age 3.5) has a CD player in her room. If she can't sleep, then we put a story on for her ('the tiger who came to tea' is a current favourite). We put it on repeat, and she's allowed to look at the pictures in the book (which she sometimes does, but not often), but she is not allowed to get out of bed. We then turn it off before we go to bed. It might not help until she stops crying and is prepared to listen, but equally it may distract her by giving her something to 'do', that in turn will help her drift off.

KellyDillon · 06/09/2014 22:09

Thankyou so so much this advice is amazing and really really worked! Have a 3 year old who struggles to fall asleep! To old for cry it out and nothing else worked! Every night was 2 hours soothing and settling! Tryed this once and worked straight away! Feel in control and she has been asleep since 8!! Thankyou for sharing!

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