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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give dd my blessing to walk out of her English lesson on Monday?

324 replies

whysogrumpy · 25/05/2012 19:54

Before I explain I should say that she, along with my other dc, is pretty much a model pupil - never been in trouble before, but both she and I are at the end of our tethers with this situation.

She is in Year 8 and in a mixed ability class Hmm, not a policy I agree with and not one taken up by any of the other subjects in her school, but, hey...
DD is a strong level 6 yet throughout the year has been surrounded by pupils who have never read a book and can barely spell their own names - her words, not mine.

Anyway, over the last few weeks the class have been put into groups by the teacher and told to write a play. They will perform it and be assessed on their performances. DD has had a pretty miserable time since this task was set, she doesn;t get on with any of the kids she has been placed with and tells me that she has been made to do all he work. She has basically written the entire script while they have sat there and yet they will now walk away with top levels thanks to dd Angry.

That is not the worst of it though. DD is pretty bookish and not really one for acting. She hates getting up in front of the class doing stuff like this, plus she feels that, as she has written the thing, she should be able to take a minor role. Anyway, the other kids in her group have refused to take the main role as well and have told dd she needs to do it. The teacher has backed them up and told dd that she needs to take the lead role to get a level 6/7 Angry.

So these little shits who have sat there doing nothing for three weeks have now had their behaviour condoned by the teacher, who seems to be using dd to get some work out of some very difficult pupils. DD was in tears over it on Wednesday night so I phoned the teacher. I couldn't believe what I was told. Apparantly this sort of task is just as important as the essay/story/poem writing that dd excells at Hmm. Does she want to be an actress? No, yet she must go through this ridiculous task or, according to the teacher, she will be at risk of failing her GCSEs!!! She's 13 ffs, in year 8! Pissing around doing drama activities with a bunch of kids who can't write - how is that helping her to improve her level?

The teacher ended by saying dd must perform, in the lead role, on Monday. When I told dd she said she'd walk out if forced to go through with this. AIBU to tell her to go for it?

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 25/05/2012 20:20

So because your dd can speak and listen and wants to work on writing and reading, those with the opposite skills should be fucked because the curriculum fits around one person? How is it wasting time?

You sound more and more precious tbh, there has been some valid reasons on here why she should go ahead regardless and you appear to be ignoring them, so where did she learn the good listening skills Hmm

Clytaemnestra · 25/05/2012 20:21

"DD can speak and she can listen, thanks. I don't need 3 weeks of her time taken up to tell me this."

You sound like a nightmare.

hermioneweasley · 25/05/2012 20:22

I think giving her permission to walk out is a terrible idea. Public speaking and performance is a part of life and she needs to push herself to get comfortable with it.

You are doing her no favours.

ravenAK · 25/05/2012 20:22

But she clearly can't speak confidently in front of a room of people without getting scared & trying to evade it (no shame there, it's scary) so it's something she needs to learn to do.

I'm an English teacher. I do lots & lots of speaking & if I'm not clear & confident, I'm not communicating effectively & therefore not doing my job effectively.

Can't think of many jobs where this wouldn't apply tbh.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/05/2012 20:22

I do think it's a tiny bit ironic that the part the other children aren't good at and don't want to do (R and W) are important and the bit your DD isn't good and at and doesn't want to do is so unimportant that you would support her to walk out of class. Don't know about you but I have done more speaking and listening at work this week than reading and writing.

Sirzy · 25/05/2012 20:22

Speaking and listening is an essential skill for a lot of jobs. Just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean she shouldn't have to do it.

I hated PE at school and still had to do it. Thats the way these things work!

discrete · 25/05/2012 20:24

xpost with tulipgrower....

luckylavender · 25/05/2012 20:24

OP - it seems to me you have a problem with rules. It is not teachers fault that the curriculum now dictates that speaking and listening is as important as writing and reading. Saying wtaf will not change that. It would also seem to me that you have a problem with listening as you have not listened to anyone's opinions on this thread.

FallenCaryatid · 25/05/2012 20:24

The child may have felt more able to try out an S & L role with a supportive group, but she doesn't feel that she has that. She is in a group where she is doing the majority of the task and is now under further pressure to take the lead role.
Yes, this could be a subjective perspective, and that's why the OP needs to ask what's going on and what the teacher can do to make her daughter feel valued and appreciated. Because the girl is in Y8 and has very limited options to express her unhappiness.

Ishoes · 25/05/2012 20:25

My ds comes from a a good backgroundHmm-both parents university educated-doesnt stop him struggling in reading and writing-his teacher puts him with kids of a higher ability on purpose in the hope that it will help him.

Please do let your dd flounce-she is clearly so much better than the other kids....

manicbmc · 25/05/2012 20:25

I think it's bloody awful. Yes, it's part of the subject but why should the OP's daughter have to do all the written work and then take on the lead role too. She had said she'd take on a minor role so it's not as if she was refusing to take part. But all those other kids get away with doing nothing?

This is why they should be in ability groups at this age.

CinnyCall · 25/05/2012 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

discrete · 25/05/2012 20:28

ishoes sorry if I offended. Statistically speaking background is the single most significant determinant of school achievement.

SEN or children with specific difficulties are, of course, outliers to the trend.

IWishIWasSheRa · 25/05/2012 20:28

I didn't want to be a scientist but still had to learn the periodic table! Do not allow her to walk out, ask her to do as the teacher has asked to the best of her ability, if it is happening Monday you have left it too late to discuss with her teacher in advance.

I do however completely agree that the teacher should have ensured they all pulled their weight, but on the plus side your daughter will have learned some lessons in team building and delegation. I think it would be appropriate to email the teacher on Tuesday when you know how it panned out and politely state the issues you felt your daughter encountered.

Support her in moving forward rather than writing it off, it won't be the last time that she's out of her comfort zone. I feel it is better to outwardly support the teachers and deal with any issues discreetly rather than encourage an assasination of her practices with your DD. I do hope it all works out for her on Monday and I expect she'll be relieved when it's over!

Clytaemnestra · 25/05/2012 20:29

The subtext of your post reads

"my beloved and HIGHLY INTELLIGENT dd has been put in a mixed ability group with scum, who she looks down on. She is even forced to work with the dirty low lives. Despite them being thick she has selflessly carried them all and now she doesn't want to do the second part of the assignment. I don't see why she should have to as she is a special snowflake. Aibu to let her learn that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do and mummy will support you in it?"

Trestle · 25/05/2012 20:30

Of course listening is important. How can we appraise lectures, talks, broadcasts, other people's spoken words, if we don't know how to listen effectively and analytically?

Speaking is important too; speaking clearly, engagingly, convincingly, unhesitatingly, whether rehearsed, off-the-cuff or in response to debates and arguments. Fluent, intelligent speaking is necessary for so many jobs, from MP and salesperson to doctor, teacher, barrister and broadcaster. Just think what many people say they're afraid of - public speaking.

You seem to think you know better than teachers and others who have long-term experience in education, OP.

hermioneweasley · 25/05/2012 20:31

Clytemnestra - great name. Loving "special as a snowflake".

She ra - bastard of a good point about the periodic table.

manicbmc · 25/05/2012 20:31

Clytaemnestra, where has the OP said that her dd didn't want to do the second part of the task? She just didn't want to have to do the lead role as well as all the writing - which I think is fair enough.

Ishoes · 25/05/2012 20:32

Discrete-thanks for the apology-I have no problems with your post actually as I am slowly beginning to get over the guilt about my ds problems as I know it is nothing we have/have not done-just a bit of a raw nerve...

EdlessAllenPoe · 25/05/2012 20:32

i think group work should have no place in GCSEs. you live with your final grade forever as an individual.

for that reason she should knuckle down and do it.

but i think the system sucks.

in the world of work, yes, you either work with twats, or don't work at all.

Ishoes · 25/05/2012 20:33

Clytaemnestra-love the name-wanted it for dd but dh vetoedAngryI agree with your last post 100%

kirsty75005 · 25/05/2012 20:33

I also think that there are two issues here - one, that your daughter has done all the work and that's not fair and two, that your daughter is shy and doesn't want to do the speaking in public part and you both feel that that part is "less important".

The first part you may well be right. The second part - well, I can see that it must grate in that context but being able to speak coherently and confidently to a large (and on occasion hostile) group of people is very useful and something that more and more jobs require you to do. I have a good friend who is otherwise very good at his technical job but is blocked at a relatively junior level because any promotion he could go for would require public presentation skills that he doesn't have. He's frustrated and depressed.

If your daughter can see past the irritating circumstances, it's a chance for her to learn to do something that will stand her in good stead in the future and that she currently struggles with.

EdlessAllenPoe · 25/05/2012 20:35

i think people are ignoring the fact that the OPs DD feels under attack from the rest of the group.

certainly i was no 'precious little snowflake' but i hated group work because 1) noone wanted to work with me and 2) whoever did work with me might use it as opportunity to pick on me.

have you really forgotten what school is like?

Original poster
whysogrumpy · 25/05/2012 20:35

Yes, of course I realise that she will have to do public speaking as part of any decent job but there's a difference between standing up and explaining something to a group of your expert peers, for example, than messing about with a group of non-interested kids who are just not on the same page as you.
Of course, dd would be fine in the former situation.

I don't agree that she's being as bad as the other kids in not acting - they've done no writing and now don't want to act either. DD has done loads of writing and now wants to do a little acting - can you see the difference?? And for those who ask how I know she's telling the truth, I know some of these kids and their families and have done since primary. One I know for a fact regularly has days off when he's not ill...I believe every word dd says.

I don't want to encourage her to misbehave so thinking more of keeping her off now.

OP posts:
FallenCaryatid · 25/05/2012 20:37

Teacher would just postpone the group presentation until she was back.