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Original poster

Is this treating my neighbour 'like a skivvy'?

29 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 25/05/2012 19:22

Confused I think I might have been really rude to her by mistake.

We moved into our rental about 8 mos ago and previous tenant had been close friends with neighbour. Neighbour duly came and introduced herself and was v friendly. She also collected accumulated post for last tenant as they see each other regularly and said, 'Oh I'll pass on post for her, I see her most weeks'.

I feel like a meanie, but whilst I was civil back, I didn't warm to her that much. She later invited me round for coffee but I couldn't make the day, and then to a jewelry party to buy some stuff her friend had made - but I felt a bit uncomfy so declined. She's kind of given up on me since then - fair dos. Don't feel we have much in common.

But last tenant seems totally unable to redirect her post and we still get masses of stuff for her - her driving licence, Christmas cards, bank statements. A few times recently I have gone over to NDN's and just put last tenant's post through her door with a friendly note 'Sorry to bother you, when you see X would you mind etc'.

DP says this is really rude and I should wait till she's in, chat and socialise and then give her post. He says sticking it through her door is unfriendly and treating her like my skivvy.

Who is right? Am I really rude? Is NDN cool with me because I have been mean to her?

OP posts:
Panda1234 · 25/05/2012 19:27

I'd solve both problems by going and chatting to her and be sociable. And, while I was there, diplomatically mention was going to start returning the post to sender (you could make up some sort of excuse about problems you're having because the council/benefits agency/whatever else still have her registered as living there). Hopefully that should smooth things over with your neighbour and give ex tenant a kick up the bum to sort our her mail.

mirry2 · 25/05/2012 19:29

Or just put on it 'moved away, return to sender' and pop it in the letter box.

CelstialNavigation · 25/05/2012 19:33

Or your DH could pop over with mail and be social while he delivers it.

SugarPasteGiraffe · 25/05/2012 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 25/05/2012 19:43

Agree with Celstial, your DP I'm sure would be very welcome by her to go over and chat if he wants.

Why would he not? Confused

And who is he to tell you who you should be fucking sociable with?

2rebecca · 25/05/2012 19:45

8 months is taking the piss. i doubt that the neighbour expected to be still doing this 8 months down the line and I'd be concerned that if there's alot of mail for her at your house and she runs up bills people will come banging on her door.
I would start returning the post to sender and would tell the neighbour you are doing this when you next see her.
I hate people who are too mean to pay for their mailto be redirected whilst they sort themselves out. I'd maybe have popped it round to the neighbour weekly for a couple of months but not for longer than that.

2rebecca · 25/05/2012 19:46

Banging on your door, not her door.

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 25/05/2012 19:49

Stick it all in the post box with return to sender on it!

thisisyesterday · 25/05/2012 19:54

i would start writing return to sender on it and posting it babcl

2rebecca · 25/05/2012 19:55

I also agree with those who think that if your husband thinks the person popping the post round should have a cozy chat he should do it. It's as much his problem as yours. if the neighbour is acting as a skivvy to anyone it's the mean exneighbour who didn't get her mail directed. You aren't benefitting from her taking the mail at all.
I would just mark it all return to sender moved 8 months ago.

ratspeaker · 25/05/2012 21:08

Your dh can always knock the door and chat whenever he likes.
As for the post I'd be returning it as no longer living at this address.
Who knows what the previous tenant could be applying for at your address.
My mum had the previous owner of her house book plastic surgery and as mum had been kind enough to hand on mail the bills came to her, Also had police at the door middle of the night as previous owners car was involved in an " incident " but was still registered to that address

Tee2072 · 25/05/2012 21:10

After a month I would have started marking it 'return to sender' and popping it back in the post.

8 months is taking the piss.

And forget chatting.

AThingInYourLife · 25/05/2012 21:13

I'd probably be binning the post by now.

I'm not redirecting anyone's mail indefinitely.

CaptainKirk · 25/05/2012 21:45

Nothing to say about the neighbour, but as others have said just mark the post "return to sender, no longer lives here". We were still getting post for the previous owner of our house a year after we moved in but it soon stopped when we sent everything back. There was some pretty important stuff too, but if the recipient can't be bothered why should you?

ravenAK · 25/05/2012 21:58

Just say to neighbour next time you see her that you feel like you're imposing on her, dumping the post on her all the time, & maybe you should just 'RTS' it?

She will either say 'oh it's no bother' (not your problem then, continue bunging it through her door until she says different) or 'yes, it's a pain for both of us, I'll tell the lazy cow to sort a re-direct out' (sorted).

Agree that if dh thinks someone should chat to her, he can drop the post round!

Birdsgottafly · 25/05/2012 22:03

I also had a knock on my door and had to prove my identity, because a previous tenant had been sacked from work for theft, but had just made a run for it.

I wouldn't pass on anything that was offical, you could be culpable in identity theft/fraud.

Ragwort · 25/05/2012 22:08

Why don't you ask the neighbour for the address and then send it on direct? then you avoid any need to be neighbourly.

I really don't understand why some people find it so hard to send on post - we had our mail re-directed by the Post Office for a full year after we moved; I also gave the new owners of our property our new address however I find it really disappointing that (despite having written to all the banks etc) we got a couple of important documents that went to our old address and the new owners just 'RTS' instead of scribbling our new address on the envelope - why is it so hard???

whackamole · 25/05/2012 22:09

If you can't be arsed making conversation, just send the post back. I would.

MrsSnow · 25/05/2012 22:20

8 months on I'd be thinking why is the old tenant still using the address? Frankly I'd be more concerned about that.

Another thought is that you don't actually know that the previous tenant is actually getting her post. I mean she has never actually said to you, please hand my post to NDN has she?

I'd be inclined to write return to sender on all post. It kills two birds with one stone, stops previous tenant using your address and it stops you having to be socialise/talk to NDN who you don't want to talk to.

2rebecca · 25/05/2012 23:08

It is hard because it is extra work that you aren't being paid for and digging out the exowners new address now and then is a fangle and most of us lead busy lives these days.
When you move you have your mail redirected by the GPO until you contact friends family and banks etc and tell them of your new address. Redirecting your mail shouldn't involve the new owner of the house. Most stuff after 6 months should be junk mail anyway.

StealthPolarBear · 25/05/2012 23:19

Junk or debt letters followedd by bailiffs
Bitter experience

StealthPolarBear · 26/05/2012 07:06

Junk or debt letters followedd by bailiffs
Bitter experience

2rebecca · 26/05/2012 08:11

Sorry to hear that but an excellent reason of why you should return mail to sender and not just forward it. The exowner doesn't live in your house any more. People sending her letters including debt collectors should be made aware of that.

kittysaysmiaow · 26/05/2012 08:17

Another one here who thinks you should start returning to sender. We had a similar situation, 6 years later still getting important stuff for previous occupants! They obviously CBA to changed their address and it's not your responsibility. Once you start RTS the volume of mail will decline quickly.

CailinDana · 26/05/2012 08:17

If your DP is so concerned about your neighbour he can be the one to go and be sociable. If I were you I would tell NDN that DP will be coming round at a certain time for coffee. That'll learn him!