to be a bit peeved with woman who butted in on private convo about pregnancy after loss to tell me that all my previous losses would be worth it once I held this baby in my arms?

[sharklet]

to be a bit peeved with woman who butted in on private convo about pregnancy after loss to tell me that all my previous losses would be worth it once I held this baby in my arms?

Am 33 weeks pregnant and look a bit like someone has strapped a huge beachball under my dress right now. EVERYONE seems to think it is fine to touch, jiggle and generally interrupt me no matter what I am doing right now to make some comment on the baby coming soon... normally I gracefully accept whatever the compliment or comment is - but today I am just plain pee'd off.

Private convo with freind, admittedly on the playground dropping the kids off, but anyway woman (who I don't know from Adam - big school!) makes a beeline for me and just interrupts our convo to ask when am I due and all that palava. But she had heard snippet of convo before she butted and heard I had had 7 m/cs between DD and almost cooked bun in oven. So she starts on this "oh you poor thing, I had no idea" (you don't know me how could you - thinks I) then she comes out with this comment that really made me cross basically she said something like "Oh but all those m/cs will be worth it once you hold that baby in your arms. Nothing else will matter."

I was speechless, and sort of found an excuse to leave as I find it really upsetting still to think of so many bubbs who did not make it. Managed not to cry but was very furious, and am hoping I don't see her again at the end of the day....

very sorry :(
she sounds like an interfering but well meaning busy body
But yanbu to be upset

She was probably trying to befriend you. Trying to reassure you.
It is so hard for us "socially ignorant" people out there to know what is wrong and what is right, honestly. She probably has her heart in the right place and didn't mean any offence.

I agree she was trying to be comforting. Unfortunately she seems a bit socially inept. YANBU but try not to hold it against her.

I understand you feel upset but think you are over reacting as I am sure she just had good intentions - just put it behind you and move on

YABU-sorry but I say this as someone who has lostr 4 early pregnancies and 3 very late ones. She was almost certainy well
meaning and you should be grateful.

I told noone apart from very close family and frienda about my late losses until I overheard a woman at my local library talking about her own late loss-I butted in to her convo-that made me realise that talking about my own losses was entirely norman and acceptable.

Please try and remember you are not the only person who has lost a baby-believe me I know at times it feels so but its not true....

She may have been talking from experience. I am certain what she wasn't trying to do was minimise the losses you have been through.

If a third party can hear you, then it isn't private. Sure, most of us politely pretend we haven't heard a thing; and this woman has departed from the norms.

But it might be worth remembering that you are unlikely to achieve any real privacy when standing in a crowded place.

I have had several early losses and one late one (26 weeks). I think this woman was trying to be a friend. Yes, possibly a bit crass how she said it but well meant.

I found some friends and colleagues never spoke with me after my late loss;I guess they didn't know what to say so tried to ignore it. I preferred those who tried to reach out (even though quite often they said things which irritated me at the time).

I can see why you were upset but the woman really did not mean any harm. She no doubt said ' something' in order just to say 'something', iykwim.

I have to agree that it sounds as if she meant well, but went about things in the wrong way.

I'm not surprised you were upset though... Sorry for what you have gone through.

Hmm. I've had 3 losses and one baby a week ago. I'm really uncomfortable with the idea that my baby wipes the slate clean with the losses - obviously I'm overjoyed with him, and the main thing is that he's healthy and got here ok, and I'm really grateful for that. But it doesn't mean I won't be sad sometimes about the other 3 and it would upset me if someone said something like she did. So I totally see where you're coming from.

I think she probably means well but I'd be a bit wary of her in case she's prone to saying daft things. There's nothing much you can do though, apart from keeping her at arms' length.

And congratulations on your pregnancy.

The woman was insensitive and interfering...how dare she tell you that the lost babies won't matter, of course they matter.

I'm not surprised you were so upset.

I don't think she was saying the babies didn't matter - more that all the heartache will be worth it you get to hold your baby. It was worth continuing to try.

YANBU, I would have been tempted to thump her (but would probably have refrained because as others have said she probably meant well, just totally socially inept).

Sharklet, great about the pregnancy but so sorry about the lost babies.

I can be tactless but she was very silly to say this, but sure she didn't mean to cause you pain.

I remember friends of ours who lost their toddler at 3, at her funeral a well meaning old lady said' your daughter is a little angel in heaven' and dad replied. ' we want her being a little devil on earth'.

I think any parent would understand both the attempt to reassure and the dads reply.

I suppose people mean well and if she had just looked embarrassed and shuffled away maybe that would have been worse.

Hoping all goes well for you.

She may think that having a baby makes up for all the losses as without those you would have this baby but she isn't right. Therefore she is talking nonsense so you can tell yourself you can take no notice of her.

YANBU I fully agree that woman was out of order to comment on a snippet of overheard conversation. I've had experience of miscarriage and I would have been very upset.

If the woman wanted to befriend you she could have said something lightweight like how to you coping in this heat and started a conversation from there.

I think she was a nosey insensitive cow.

YANBU. It doesn't work like that, does it? Pregnancies are not a currency that can be reimbursed if you lose one. Yes you will certainly be over the moon when your baby arrives! But this isn't connected to your previous losses, they are something different.

Sorry I was so outraged by stupid woman I forgot to say:

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

See also: everything happens for a reason [facepalm]

Of course nothing will ever make you forget or make those terrible losses "worth it." but like others have said, she sounds well meaning but socially inept.

My lovely DH sometimes says things which make me and others wince...he doesn't mean any harm....there was a tv show on once, where a poor Chinese woman had to work in a factory many miles from her children and their gran....the woman talking to her about it said "How often do you see them?" and the woman said "Once a year." and the woman said "Gosh that's not much!"

My DH said "What a cruel thing to say...I would have said Oh that's not too bad..."

I had to explain to him that would have been patronising...he genuinely didn't know....some people dont know what's ok to say.

bad wording, but YABU

when bereft I prefered the people who said something about it even if they got it wrong to the people who avoided the subject!

I think it's better for people to try and risk getting it wrong personally

"everything happens for a reason"

Oh I hate that too! No, it doesn't. Yes things turn out well for some people eventually. But what about those for whom it doesn't? Where's the "reason" for them?

When I had miscarriages, the people who spoke to me about it and said they had gone through those things too were the only ones that helped. It made me feel less alone, and you realise it has happened to so many people. If you can't do that, then I'd prefer a sympathetic look to let me know you're sorry for me. No words necessary.