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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take off my wedding rings ?

48 replies

reliablemillipede · 24/05/2012 20:50

Dh had a dermatitis rash a fair few weeks ago and took his wedding ring off as his fingers were irritated, anyway, it's all cleared up now but he's still not put his ring back on.

His ring has been sitting in a little dish in the kitchen, It's been bugging me that he hasn't put it back on, this evening he was getting ready to go out and I asked him why he's not wearing his ring, he replied that he's just got used to not wearing it now !

With a flourish I removed my rings and threw them in the pot saying" Oh well I may as well get used to not wearing mine either".

I feel a real fool now, I love my wedding and engagement ring but I think to prove a point I should keep them off, what do you all think ? am I being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
BillyBollyBandy · 24/05/2012 20:51

I think you are being a bit childish and petty. I would have done precisely the same as you Grin

squeakytoy · 24/05/2012 20:51

what point are you proving exactly ?

I dont wear my wedding ring as I lost weight and it is too big, my husband doesnt wear his for health and safety reasons at work, it doesnt make us any less married.

alphabite · 24/05/2012 20:53

To do it to prove a point sounds a bit like a petulant child throwing a tantrum to be honest.

JustFab · 24/05/2012 20:53

I would be hurt too if mine stopped wearing his wedding ring. What did your dh do or say when you took yours off? Just put them back on, you don't need to announce it.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 24/05/2012 20:54

I go through fat phases where I don't wear mine.

What's wrong with him not wearing it?

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 24/05/2012 20:55

I've taken to not wearing mine as I like my big statement rings and they don't look right together.DH still wears his.Don't think he's noticed I've not been wearing mine. I wonder if when he realises,he'll throw his in the little pot with mine,with a flourish? Wink

Dprince · 24/05/2012 20:55

Dh doesn't even know where his is, mines in a money box. Mine is too big now and his went missing years ago. He has to take it off for work and at some point went missing. Neither of us are bothered, we still know we are married. Tbh what you did was childish and since you live them has only bothered you.

simperingsally · 24/05/2012 21:01

I wear mine as i really like it its lovely and white gold and has lovely markings on it (can you tell i realy like it) and it fits me like a glove and i dont even feel it on.
Dh on the other hand has never had his on as its just been a bit too big and he works in a physical job and would loose it so its just sitting in a drawer at home. I dont mind.

Original poster
reliablemillipede · 24/05/2012 21:01

I know I'm being childish, it's just that neither of us have taken our rings off for nearly 20 years, It's just upset me that he's not bothered about wearing it, he didn't say anything when I did the flourish thing !, he just looked a bit sort of quizzicle ( is that a word ?), I really do feel stupid for doing it but I want him to know that it's upset me and I think I should just leave the rings in the pot until he puts his back on - I'm lookinjg at my hand now and it's all bare.

OP posts:
redwineformethanks · 24/05/2012 21:40

Don't cut your nose to spite your face. You like wearing your rings, so it's a shame not to

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 24/05/2012 21:47

I've stopped wearing mine as for some unknown reason my fingers have recently got fatter :). DH doesn't mind a bit.

Notinmylife · 24/05/2012 21:50

I think you need to tell him its upset you and why, rather than hoping he will guess. It sounds like he has no idea how you feel about this!

IKilledIgglePiggle · 24/05/2012 21:51

I have never worn mine on a consistent basis, rings irritate me and after not wearing it for a while that could be the case with your DH. My DH is an engineer and although he doesn't get his hands dirty anymore so to speak he has never really worn his due to safety at work.

We have been married for 12 years this year.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 24/05/2012 21:55

Yes you are Grin I never wear any jewellery as I get dreadful eczema, and it is just miserable when it flares.
That said, DH doesn't wear one because it's not safe at work, and I have a tattoo on my ring finger left hand instead. It's not that I don't want to wear a ring, I just can't because of my stupid scabby bloody skin.
Do you really think your DH has gone "ooo scabby finger, no rings, shag a slag I pick up in the pub" Hmm and that, if he was going to stray, wearing his ring would stop him? - just put your rings back on if you like to wear them, and don't say anything about his.

Dprince · 24/05/2012 21:58

You could always just tell him.

Original poster
reliablemillipede · 24/05/2012 22:11

I really do not think dh is going to stray or anything like that, I don't know, I just see our rings as a symbol of our marriage, maybe I'm just old fashioned, I thought he felt the same but obviously not.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/05/2012 22:14

But it's ok that he doesn't feel the same surely?

As much as they are a symbol of marriage, they really are only round bits of metal.

I wear mine but my DH can't wear his to work and he's lot a bit of weight anyway so it's been sat in his bedside cabinet for ages. He only thinks to wear it if we're going out somewhere special...and even then he's scared he'll lose it.

MooBaaWoofCheep · 24/05/2012 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuickLookBusy · 24/05/2012 22:22

I would feel the same. But do you think he may not have realised how much it means to you. What did DH say when you took your rings off?

MarySA · 24/05/2012 22:28

I don't think there is any point in making a fuss about the wearing of rings. I take mine of from time to time when my fingers get a rash. My Mum used to go on and on about what folk would think. It was just ridiculous. This week they are off they were irritating me a bit in the heat.

Original poster
reliablemillipede · 24/05/2012 22:48

I'm actually feeling quite tearful now, I know I'm being pathetic, and I understand what some of you are saying that it dosn't matter, it's only a ring etc etc., I;m just feeling a bit low I suppose, I just need to get a grip and get on with it, worse things are happening at sea and all that.

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 24/05/2012 22:51

Awwwww milli :( does your DH know how you feel about your (both of your) rings? If you've never really said, he might be all dopey male bewildered ad not quite get why you "blew up" (As he sees it) over this whole thing. Maybe if you have a nice talk and try and explain, even if it's in a "I know I'm being a bit silly/emotional whatever word is the right one for you but this is how I feel" way he will realise just what they mean to you...

AdoraBell · 25/05/2012 03:18

I get what you mean, before we to married OH asked me if has to wear a wedding ring I sweetly told him - of course not Darling, neither one of us has to wear a wedding ring. He is very diligent about putting it back on after washing the carGrin

Dprince · 25/05/2012 06:03

If your so upset why don't you just tell him? It bothers you, instead of stripping and being dramatic, just tell him it bothers you.

NorksAreMessy · 25/05/2012 06:10

Stripping might help dp :)

Just quietly put your rings back on millipede. You can't make him want to wear them and perhaps the symbolism isn't as important to him.
You have been married for 20 years. That's what matters, not a bit of metal on his finger.

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