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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take off my wedding rings ?

48 replies

reliablemillipede · 24/05/2012 20:50

Dh had a dermatitis rash a fair few weeks ago and took his wedding ring off as his fingers were irritated, anyway, it's all cleared up now but he's still not put his ring back on.

His ring has been sitting in a little dish in the kitchen, It's been bugging me that he hasn't put it back on, this evening he was getting ready to go out and I asked him why he's not wearing his ring, he replied that he's just got used to not wearing it now !

With a flourish I removed my rings and threw them in the pot saying" Oh well I may as well get used to not wearing mine either".

I feel a real fool now, I love my wedding and engagement ring but I think to prove a point I should keep them off, what do you all think ? am I being unreasonable ?

OP posts:

GiserableMitt · 25/05/2012 06:19

DH took his off because he said they were uncomfortable and he'll wear them again when he's lost weight. Mmm hmm.

I took mine off because I was training for a sporting event and my rings were giving me blisters. I went weeks without wearing any and I quite liked it. I put one ring back on each hand but not my wedding or engagement ring.

I was a little that he kept his off but I don't think it means anything to him other than he's more comfortable without (ie he's probably not trying to make himself look single ).

happyhopefulmummy · 25/05/2012 07:15

Aw, I totally understand. When I was pregnant I bloated to the size of a house and put on 5 stone. Left my ring on too long and then couldn't get it off. It was quite painful, but I did tell my DH that I wouldn't hae wanted to go bare fingered and would have wanted something there in the meantime, even a £10 one from argos. It's a symbol of your marriage, to some symbols are important and to others not so much. Maybe your hubby doesn't know how important it is to you and would put it straight back on if he did. Can't you just tell him??

hecatetrivia · 25/05/2012 07:38

You know, instead of asking him why he wasn't wearing his rings and then removing yours and chucking them next to his and saying well, I might as well not wear mine either...

you could have said oh, well, actually, that upsets me a bit. Our rings are important to me as a symbol of and I'm a bit upset that you don't want to wear yours. You could get used to wearing them again! After 20 years, to take them off? I know it's illogical, but I'm genuinely a bit hurt and upset.

or something along those lines.

It's really better to communicate your actual feelings clearly than to huff about something.

bejeezus · 25/05/2012 07:41

My stbxh stopped wearing his because 'he couldn't wear it at work'

My aunty warned me that when her husband did that, he was being unfaithful

She was right

Just saying

Jinsei · 25/05/2012 07:50

I haven't worn my wedding ring for years - I also suffer from occasional eczema on my hands, and the ring just makes it worse.

It's just a ring. I'm every bit as married as I ever was, and would be mortified if my DH read it as a sign that I was somehow less committed. Thankfully, he couldn't care less what I do or don't put on my fingers.

Try not to take it to heart, OP. If everything else in your marriage is fine, this really need not be an issue. :)

exoticfruits · 25/05/2012 07:55

No one notices! I took mine off as a widow so people wouldn't assume that I had a husband and not one person noticed. Lots of people don't wear them. My SIL never has hers on and she is happily married.

Spiritedwolf · 25/05/2012 08:14

The thing is, I don't think (from what you've said) that your DH had made a decision not to wear the rings, he had just forgot to put them back on when his rash cleared up. I don't think he meant to upset you at all, hence why he just looked at you when you took yours off.

I think you need to put your rings back on, apologise for your outburst (it was a bit silly ) and then explain honestly how much you both wearing your rings means to you because it represents your relationship, and that you felt that he might have stopped caring about you because he wasn't wearing it.

I think he'll start wearing it again, but if he chooses not to, he ought to explain that he loves you all the time, whether he's wearing it or not.

But you like wearing yours, it doesn't make any sense for you to stop.

I usually wear my rings (though sometimes forget to put them back on if I've taken them off for something). I stopped wearing my engagement ring when I put on weight as it started to dig in, but restarted wearing it when I lost weight. It's now a bit loose (moves round when I'm wearing it) so I'll probably have to stop wearing the rings when I start loosing more weight again (on hold whilst I'm pregnant), but when I settle down at a new 'normal' weight at/near my target, I'll have the rings resized.

My husband stopped wearing his due to losing weight, he's not yet at a weight he's happy with, but when he is, I'll get his resized for him and make him wear it He does have a skin condition though, so I'd understand if he had to take it off if his fingers flare up.

This is more about your feelings than the rings themselves I think. Talk to him.

JustFab · 25/05/2012 11:58

I take mine off when making bread or pastry and gardening and dh isn't happy if I don't put them back on asap. I like wearing my rings (I have 4) but sometimes it is nice to go without and feel free

EldritchCleavage · 25/05/2012 13:25

MY DH doesn't wear his for the same reason, which doesn't bother me (I'm old-fashioned about rings on men. None of the other men in my family even have wedding rings). What does bother me is that he won't let me wear it. I like a good stack of rings, me.

Original poster

reliablemillipede · 25/05/2012 21:42

Thank you all so much................update I just put the rings back on this morning ! did not make a fuss, did not say a thing to dh..............he's been at work since early and not due back tonight till very late, so doubt he'll notice! ( his ring is still in the dish !!!!

OP posts:

ReindeerBollocks · 25/05/2012 21:55

It's good that you've decided to put your rings back on, especially if you value them.

You should still tell him why you feel upset that he hasn't put his rings back on, and perhaps explain that the symbolism of the rings is important to you.

If anything it will open up the conversation. Plus if there are other hectic things going on in your life, then beginning to talk about small things may help you lead to conversations about other things which may upset you. Hope you are ok OP.

whackamole · 25/05/2012 21:56

Aww Milli - I really think you should talk to him. He probably doesn't realise how much it has upset you, and unreasonable or not, he is your husband and loves you. If he feels that strongly he doesn't want to wear it, then he should take this opportunity to make you feel loved and special without the ring - or, he could just put it on!

Either way, if you don't say anything, it will just keep on upsetting you every time you see it.

whackamole · 25/05/2012 21:56

FFS - I always manage to x-post with someone writing the exact same thing as me!

Notinmylife · 26/05/2012 09:18

Yes please do talk to him. It sounds like he does not connect the rings with how he feels about you, and therefore has no idea that you are likely to be upset. I am sure if you have a chat about it it would be easily sorted!

JustFab · 26/05/2012 11:02

Eldridge - he can't stop you wearing a ring [hm].

JustFab · 26/05/2012 11:03

jamdonut · 26/05/2012 11:11

I've never taken my wedding ring off since the day it was put there, 22 years ago....the fact that I can't actually get it off is another matter. My husband chose not to have a ring (he has weird shaped fingers - large joints but slim fingers, plus, he lost his left ring finger in an accident at work 6 years ago, and couldn't wear one now ,anyway!)

LRDtheFeministDragon · 26/05/2012 16:00

Oh, yes, please talk to him!

I am sure you are not my mother, but she frets over the same thing - my dad doesn't wear his and she doesn't know why, but she won't ask!

It could really reassure you if you ask him - you could ask him if it's uncomfortable generally (maybe he really would like a different one that is more comfortable, but does not want to ask for fear of offending you?), or if he just did not notice?

FWIW, I don't wear mine much at home though I feel funny going to sleep without it on and would be gutted if I lost it permanently. DH, OTOH, rarely takes his off. I would feel awful if I realized I'd accidentally worried him by leaving mine off, and I'd love the chance to explain how I feel (ie., that I love him anyway ), so please do ask your DH.

lumbago · 26/05/2012 16:02

Oh FFs. Get something serious to worry about.

lumbago · 26/05/2012 16:02

H and I rarely wear ours

It's really a non deal. You're over thinking

GnocchiNineDoors · 26/05/2012 16:04

I got a rash under my wedding ring when I was pregnant and had to wear that and my engagement ring on my right hand, which strangely never reacted.

I now can't wear the rings on my left hand as as soon as I put them on, my skin reacts. I also knocked one of the diamonds out of my engagement ring putting DDs buggy in the car so that's been taken off to preserve the rest of it. My wedding ring is teensy thin, so looked weird on its own, so I now wear no rings.

I do wonder if, when pushing DD around, people look at me and think im a single mother not that I think there's anything wrong withe single-motherdom, but I know some in the older generations have a dim view on it.

lumbago · 26/05/2012 16:06

Lol. Nicely swerved.
You're all so sadly
Sentiment

EldritchCleavage · 28/05/2012 12:10

Eldridge - he can't stop you wearing a ring [hm]

I meant stopping me wearing his ring alongside mine, not that he stops me wearing my own. And I suppose I could just take the ring and wear it, but it is his, and I'm a courteous sort, so if he'd rather leave his ring in a little box somewhere, I'm not going to override his wishes.

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