To Feel Irritated by Husband's Work at Times

[geegee888]

My husband often has to work away from home at short notice, doesn't recieve any extra payment for this. The assumption seems to be that he will use his own car to park at the airport while away, but our cars are shared equally (in actual fact I bought them both), and last time, mine broke down hence I had to do without a car for nearly a week. A minor thing perhaps but it also means I have to do without him being around at short notice. We run a rental property business togethhave some rental properties together, on top of our jobs, and this means I have been out of pocket in the past because I've had to buy new replacements items as an emergency when if he had been around for the weekend, he could have fixed them. It would be the same if anything broke in the house while he was away, I would be out of pocket paying to get it fixed. No DCs.

I've also met his work colleagues socially, although very infrequently, and they have never once asked me what I do for a living. I find it a bit odd, as surely its a normal conversation opener?

I think it would help to break these things down a bit:

1. depending on how long he is flying, how long the drive to the airport is I think that being expected to drive home could be considered dangerous not just inconvenient. I made the mistake of doing this and having to drive home after a long haul flight. I hadnt slept well on the plane and probably wasnt in a fit state to drive.

Never again, after that I insisted on being driven to the airport. My experience is that line managers have to have these things pointed out to them as out of sight is out of mind.

1. having to do things while he is away - sorry that just goes with the job. It isnt their responsibility to consider how his main job might impact his other job.

1. his work colleagues might already know what you do for a living. Also I'm afraid that there is still an assumption that the world starts and stops with the host company. Often the work colleagues have nothing in common except work.

I would get him to do something about the first one and IMO you have to suck up the other two.

Can you learn to fix things? Or is it time that's the issue?
Tbh it depends on the terms when he took the job, has it always been like this?

And most people would find if their car broke down they'd be car less for the time it took to be fixed Tbh. If he'd been around presumably one of you would be using the one working car and the other would be car less?

Presumably he gets paid expenses for travelling to the airport/airport parking?

It can work out cheaper to get a hire car or taxi, rather than pay for petrol (at expense rates) and airport parking. Even if it isn't, the company ought to be prepared to pay for these - what if your DH didn't have a car?

I was always told it was rude to ask someone what they did for a living (kind of like you are judging them on their job).

Then get him to resign. FGS!

I do fix what I can but its difficult doing everything on your own so often. I don't mind driving him to the airport occasionally but don't feel its up to me to subsidise his work. I think they should pay for him to get a taxi. In fact, thats whats at the crux of the issue. I am actually slightly out of pocket due to his work. Yes, I agree that his work is not interested in anything outwith work, obviously, but it should be equally obvious that if someone is working away from home so often and at such random short notice, others might end up having to cancel things already paid for and have additional expenses due to their "loss of support" (for want of a better phrase, don't want to sound too feeble here).

With regards to the socialisation, no most of them wouldn't know what I do, I feel theres an assumption that wives don't work or only work for pin money.

He's an engineer.

I think you are being very unreasonable.
My husband works away sometimes, often on short notice, often late home etc. we have a 18 month old, 3 yr old and a 5 yr old. I also work part time several evenings (which means if he is late home than I am late for work). It is a pain when he is away and I get NO break from the kids but that is his job, call outs are often emergency so can't be planned. If you are both annoyed by the situation then fin him anothe job.
My husbands work are happy to pay any travelling costs. Be it car and car parking, train, taxi, plane or eurostar etc. they also pay him overtime from when he leaves his house until he gets to the hotel etc

I don't mind driving him to the airport occasionally but don't feel its up to me to subsidise his work. I think they should pay for him to get a taxi. In fact, thats whats at the crux of the issue

You sound pretty unreasonable and inflexible to me.

Yes, they should be paying him travelling expenses to the airport. But that's not the same thing

I wouldn't mind if he got paid overtime or at least an allowance for working away from home! In fact, the travel wasn't originally meant to be such a part of his job, until they made the person who did it before redundant.

Its very disorganised and he gets expenses back after a time, but not all of them, for example, it wouldn't be the done thing for him to claim back the petrol for the drive to the airport, but he would claim back airport parking. If I drove him to the airport, he wouldn't think of claiming back the petrol for it.

Or when the car got bashed when it was parked at the airport for 2 weeks, he had to claim it off our insurance, and we jointly have to pay increased premiums because of it.

YABU.
Get a grip woman! You have a job, he has a job, you both have second jobs...there's a recession out there with how many million unemployed?

If you have issues with his expenses policy, surely that is for your H to take up with his firm. Not worth your concern.

My DH works abroad at short notice, it is part and parcel of his job. he was aware when he took on the job. He usually gets a cab to and from airport. Or some times train and tube. Claims both costs back on expenses.

If he does take his car he claims the petrol back and parking. I never thought about the need for a spare car! from now on I will ask him to leave 'his' car at home and use taxi.

His employers like all employers i have come across don't care whether his job interferes with his home life. Nor the working time directive.
But if he didn't travel at short notice he would make no sales and would eventually loose his job.

His job would be impossible for someone with caring responsibilities to do.

should also add that twice due to work commitments DH has had to fly back to UK early from a family holiday when we were on abroad. I was left having to look after child on my own, pack, get a can to and from airport alone. But we put up with it as the job pays the mortgage, if he complained, someone else would gladly take his job.

So you are being unseasonable with your husband's commitment to his work but not unreasonable re his expenses.

Also in addition to airports my DH has to play golf/corporate hospitality and he takes his own car then.

If the employer pays for airport parking & mileage, won't they pay a taxi fare instead?

I think you are being rather unreasonable though. My job can involve short notice travel. It always costs me in terms of the food I have bought that I end up throwing away, not to mention cash tips which are difficult to expense but expected in some destinations (particularly US). But it's part and parcel of the job and I knew that travel would be required when I took it.

OP your husband should ask his finance dept for a copy of the company's expenses policy. If they say they don't have one, draft one for them.

Yabu. He is employed, his employer is not going to take his other job into consideration. Did you not think about this when you started this business or he took this job (whichever was the later addition)? Sorry but your expectations are very unreasonable. He has a job the job has certain expectations. The choice is put up with it pr get him to leave.

I had to do this but its not reasonable to ask for a taxi. Why cant he get a train/bus?

I was allowed to claim back travel too/from airport, parking costs etc but they wouldn't have allowed a taxi.

If you have a good job that pays well they don't generally pay extra for just going away, though they should cover reasonable expenses.

A taxi would be cheaper than airport parking in most cases for me! Airport parking is horrendously expensive around London.

And train/bus isn't usually an option due to flight times/luggage.

Anyway, it's not a problem at my place. I can choose any reasonable option to get to the airport.

Your DH needs to check what his work expenses policy is. He wouldnt offer to take a pay cut would he so why pay for the cost of doing his job?

His employer should cover the (reasonable) cost of travel to the airport, eg hire car, public transport - this is normal business practice. He may just be embarrassed to ask if he doesnt think its the done thing. My DH is very stubborn about these things and has stupidly not claimed mileage allowance and trips on his Oyster card.

ps tell him to ask the finance manager if he doesnt know who to ask.

Not for me sadly Eurochick I could get the train practically door to door for £15 and my boss knew it!

They got so tight though I was once asked to beg a lift from some of the delegates from the meeting I was doing. Bit embarrassing.

On the whole YABU. You do have a bit of a point about the travel to the airport in that his firm should provide some contribution towards the cost of that but frankly this does not necessarily have to extend beyond the cost of public transport.

However if his firm are definitely not reimbursing travel costs to the airport it is highly likely that you could claim tax relief from HMRC for such mileage and at least get a bit of a tax rebate that way.

I am going to go against the grain here, YANBTU. As the travel is the issue then you really do need to get your DH to address it. In a previous role I used to travel a lot and always found myself out of pocket. If he is travelling for work then his employer should be ensuring that he arrives for work in the best condition to do his job. Expecting someone to use public transport when it isnt convenient (multiple changes, difficult times, long walks etc) or drive himself to/from the airport with long flights is just stupid by the employer.

I know you said that claiming for petrol to the airport is frowned on but I think your DH really needs to challenge this. IME there will be a tight arse manager who has taken it on himself to dictate expenses policy. Get past this tight wad and speak directly to a director. They often arent aware of what is going on about expenses and assume that everyone enjoys the same privileges.

A colleague of mine was told by his line manager that he couldnt claim overtime and that he just had to suck it up. I arrived and when colleague told me this I brightly said that I was claiming overtime as HR had said I could. Colleague checked with HR and was able to make a huge backdated overtime claim. The line manager was old school and thought that people should be glad to give up their weekends for the company.

If the employer does refuse to pay for fuel to/from the airport then dont forget that this is a tax deductible expense assuming that the airport isnt his normal place of work. Also investigate claiming any out of pocket expenses for tax purposes.

This is one of those things which makes my blood boil. It is only when you have direct experience of it that you realise how crap it can be.

Sorry, back again!

One of the problems that I experienced was that the petty beaurocrats who ran the expenses system thought that those of us who regularly travelled for work were on some sort of jolly. They seemed to think that we should pay for the honour of representing the company in the local equivalent of Milton Keynes (IME every country has one!). They didnt see the endless hours hanging around in airports, the dull hotels (never as comfortable as your own home), the long drawn out tedium of it all.

feeling better now!