To Feel Irritated by Husband's Work at Times

[geegee888]

My husband often has to work away from home at short notice, doesn't recieve any extra payment for this. The assumption seems to be that he will use his own car to park at the airport while away, but our cars are shared equally (in actual fact I bought them both), and last time, mine broke down hence I had to do without a car for nearly a week. A minor thing perhaps but it also means I have to do without him being around at short notice. We run a rental property business togethhave some rental properties together, on top of our jobs, and this means I have been out of pocket in the past because I've had to buy new replacements items as an emergency when if he had been around for the weekend, he could have fixed them. It would be the same if anything broke in the house while he was away, I would be out of pocket paying to get it fixed. No DCs.

I've also met his work colleagues socially, although very infrequently, and they have never once asked me what I do for a living. I find it a bit odd, as surely its a normal conversation opener?

I realise I am being a bit U when so many people are out of work/facing redundancy. I'm just having a bit of a moan.

Its about 14 miles to the airport but public transport isn't really any use as its an hour on the bus into town then another hour to the airport. And to save money, he is put on budget airlines and tends to leave around 5/6am and return around 11pm or later. Its just not the done thing at his work to ask for petrol, he finds it hard to get reimubursed for big out of pocket expenses as it is, and small things are often conveniently "forgotten" by the company, I think because there is no-one there specifically to process them so its too much hassle.

I've actually worked out that I'm out of pocket directly and indirectly from his work by about £750, yes perhaps not all expenses are directly related to it but the fact is I wouldn't have had to buy a new cooker if he had not been in the States for 3 weeks when it broke, as it was something he could have fixed quicker than I could have got an electrician, but I had tenants phoning me 3 times a day to complain. Add in my share of the insurance excess and increased premiums, a hire car once, a couple of airport drop offs, and some other trivial things and it does add up.

What bugs me is that I suspect it is because his work has the notion that women don't work or have unimportant jobs, and that I should be running around after him ferrying him to and from the airport at odd hours. My own work wouldn't dream of expecting me to rely on a partner for transport when sent away on business, everything is organised as they have an account with a taxi firm for one thing, so I find it a bit of a cheek on the part of his employers.

They should be paying for petrol & parking and in your case a taxi is probably cheaper than parking as well.

Some people feel bad about pushing it and some don't. An colleague of mine used to put through expenses for a kitkat & coffee on the train!

geegee how would it be for your DH to invent a financial hiatus of some sort and say that he needs a travel float? It would be easy enough to say that because of this hiatus he wont be able to travel otherwise. He could then return the balance with an itemised list of the things he spent the rest on.

It is a cheek by the employer but unless your DH does something about it then they will continue to muck him around.

Pound to a penny there will be someone who deals with directors' expenses.

Its a great idea Gnome but I just can't see them agreeing to it. They are as mean as. In fact I am his acting travel float - twice I've had to lend him money because he has spent largish sums on work expenses while away near the end of the month to avoid his direct debits bouncing!

I've never known or even heard of an employer expecting employees to fund any part of a work trip themselves. I must have been very lucky by the sound of things.

One thing I would say about using his/your car to travel to and from the airport is that he must have business insurance for this. Normal car insurance only covers travel to/from a permanent place of work, not other work related travel.

Perhaps he could use that as an angle for insisting upon taxis for the airport?

I agree with other posters, though, regarding your other business and his inability to be involved due to being away. To be frank, I wouldn't give a shit about that if he was one of my employees.

Family responsibilities yes, his inability to carry out work for another business, no. In fact his boss might question his ability to commit to his employment with them if he's also working elsewhere.

The thing is that he does need to start raising it with them. Employers are very good at not noticing the things under their noses. Unless he points it out they really dont see just how out of pocket he can end up being:

• every single glass of water/cup of tea/cup of coffee having to be paid for
• away for more than a few days having to get laundry done (costs a bomb in a hotel and no, it is often not possible to find a laundrette in the arsehole end of the back of beyond!)
• expensive lunches having to be paid for (again, not always possible to make up a pack up)
• if you have the cheek to want a glass of wine/beer of an evening then having to pay hote prices not supermarket prices.

A different suggestion geegee - get your DH to collect up all the VAT receipts (must be VAT receipts if travel in UK) for the legitimate expenses. Create an itemised list, first off, this will make your DH realise how much he is paying. Secondly this then becomes visible to the employer. This isnt a whiney employee grumbling blah blah blah it becomes something the employer can actually do something about.

A colleague of mine used to put through expenses for a kitkat & coffee on the train!

Nothing wrong with that!

I use my company credit card to pay for absolutely everything I buy when I'm away. So long as I can get a receipt, it's fair game.

You can't blame his employer for your out of pocket expenses. He can choose to work there or not. His employer doesn't care about anything but their business. I don't think they should consider the impact on you and your business. If he can't commit due to his other commitments he should leave.

I mean your out of pocket expenses which is due to him being away. Like paying for things as you can fix them, or your car breaking etc. Imo it sounds like his traveling is leaving strain on you. but its your and your dhs choice to run a business and have him in a job that requires travel. But he does need to question his expenses.

Gnome: Unless he points it out they really dont see just how out of pocket he can end up being

• Flight was cancelled and he had to pay for a hotel out of his own pocket, only one he could get at that late notice near the airport was pricy.
• A couple of times he's arrived late at night and the hotel which was booked had stopped serving food, he had to pay for dinner elsewhere himself

(Reimbursed eventually on both occasions but risky if it happens near the end of the month). No idea why they can't issue a company credit card. They book hotel and flights, generally he has to pay for everything else himself and then claim it back.

I can't see him carrying out any of the good suggestions on here such as tax deductions or adding up VAT receipts, he's too busy working and would never settle down to doing it!

Shellyboobs I am worried about the cars not being insured for business use as well!

Just heard he's probably going to Germany next week for 3 days but may have to stay over the weekend. At least its not Singapore...

A whole week without a car? Wow.

Certainly in the past the insurance thing was just a case of notifying your insurer, not normally a problem. They only start to worry if there are tools being left in the car or samples being carried.

I sympathise about being without the car especially if you have work to go to yourself and no real public transport.

Ah yes, Singapore. It also has a local equivalent of Milton Keynes just hotter and sweatier!

If your DH is a higher rate tax payer then he could be claiming back 40% on all legitimate expenses - might be worth you doing the tax return and getting the tax savings as your fee? I do my DH's tax return, it really isnt difficult.

I think you need to check out the airport costs, but apart from the YABU. My dh has worked away for years, often with no notice. It was hard when I had 3 children under 3 but it was a job. It paid the bills.

I don't worry if people ask me what I do - would rather talk about arts/politics/life. If they don't ask, I don't assume they think I'm thick or a sahm, just that there are better things to talk about.

I always turned it into a positive - did loads of travelling before having kids as I could buy a cheap ticket and stay in dh's hotel room.

Just read 14m to airport - get a local taxi firm and get a grip!! It's 94 miles to airport for my dh. Have not much sympathy now. It's life.

The only issue really is that they should be paying for transport to and from the airport.

DH works away a lot, that's life, I enjoy the benefits of the money he makes. They don't pay him extra for this but it is part of a job that pays well.

However, I wouldn't be driving him too and from the airport, though if he had a separate car then he might prefer to do that, but then he would claim expenses as far as parking and petrol goes.

DH wouldn't do the travelling if he/we were expected to foot the bill, that is just taking the piss.

Prob seems to be that YOU are out of pocket. Do you have joint account? Is he earning much more than you so any subsidising by you is v noticeable to you? Do you want to run this rental business as you are so often left to deal with stuff yourself? Can he/would he look for another job with a different company? Can he ask boss for move to a more UK based role?

I would hand the rental business over to a letting agent and settle for less money. And suggest he looks at a more UK based job so you can spend more time together though if he enjoys job and it is well paid he probalby won't want to. Ime husband's work mates are mostly interested in wives if they are young and attractive unless you are also friends with them out of work then you have other things to chat about and are friends anyway.

Thinking about the oh of colleagues of dh - I don't know what they do, and can't really remember asking them that question, though I do know a fair bit about some of them. He has a friend with a dw who is a doctor - have even stayed over with our kids but we don't talk about work. Females he works with have husbands in business - again, we discuss food or culture instead. Don't think his workmates know what I do - it doesn't define me as who I am so I don't care.