(Too much) sex education for 5 year olds....

[JemmaDilemma]

I've name changed for this as it's a bit sensitive and I have no idea if anyone is being unreasonabl but it's worrying me, so here goes... (sorry it's long!)

DD is in year 1. She is 5. She is good friends with a girl who is only child of a lesbian couple. This is not an issue - they are good friends of ours. As they have always been concerned about their DD hearing negative views about their relationship/family they have always been very frank with her.

Thiis includes recently telling her the full facts of life, sex and reproduction, with detailed information about sperm donation, IVF etc etc. All the information they have shared with her is factually correct but IMHO it is way more than a 5 year old needs to know.

As a mutual friend has recently become pregnant suddenly this is a hot topic. I feel I am being forced into having a conversation with DD that I'm not ready to have, simply because otherwise someone else's child will give her facts which she may misunderstand. She is emotionally quite a young 5 year old.

The other child, however, is mature for age, having always been treated like an adult. She can be very manipulative and is very aware that she has knowledge and privileges that her peers do not.

I really want to stress that this is not a homophobic concern - I mentioned the parents relationship because it is significant in the way they have decided to educate their daughter ie. giving her the facts before she hears them from someone else. I totally inderstand that.

Another parent raised concerns to this couple about how the information could be passed on to the other children, they laughed at her prudishness and gave her a lecture about children needing to know the facts.

So. Not really sure where to go from here. I was tempted to speak to the children's teacher, to see if she had any advice but I wonder if this is being unreasonable?

Must be a common problem among parents as we all have different views on what children should be told and when, but I'm really fretting about it so would be grateful for any opinions.

Thanks.

Piglet surely children being children means they ask questions and want to know about things? Everyone so far has said they told their children the facts when they asked, I'd imagine they also used language appropriate to their own children in the answers too!

I've told my 4 year old ds the basic facts though I didn't mention ivf even though that's how he was conceived so as not to confuse him. I think it makes sense to tell them what they want to know though.

Kids aren't allowed to be kids anymore? Most kids who have existed in the past would have seen animal sex and birth happening. It is a peculiarly modern, urban idea that children can be sheltered from the basics of life. I'm not sure that the animals that have given birth or had sex outside my kitchen window while we have been eating dinner are concerned about my children's 'innocence.' No doubt I should also have sheltered my children from death by making up some implausible fictional explanation when the dog fell down dead when they were watching tv.

Children knowing about reproduction and sexual orientation is not the same thing as making a child grow up too soon or sexualising them.

OP, there is a good book called Questions Children Ask which has all the topics split into age appropriate answers.

Just loitering here, but I wanted to say SeaHouses that is an excellent summary of what I was thinking in a muddled way and wondering whether to post - you've said it much better than I could have!

I never understood why explaining the practicalities of human reproduction somehow tarnishes children and makes them lose some sort of "mental virginity"...

My DP grew up on a farm with parents who never talked about sex. But it was impossible not to know about sex with things like the ram being let in with the ewes every year, etc. I suspect kids in this situation actually know more about the mechanics at a very young age than kids brought up not seeing this regularly, but being told about sex by their parents.

I would say there is a significant difference between educating a child in how reproduction happens, and teaching them about additional sexual practices which they dont need to know for a long time (ie blow jobs, etc..)..

Most children by the age of 5 can understand it takes a man to make a woman pregnant, and a trip to a local childrens farm in lambing season is a useful bit of education, on birth etc..