...to want more than a 2 line email per day from DH?

[GiserableMitt]

He's away and has been for a while. Works away about 80% of the time. We're expat so no family close by to go and moan at for support.
There's a 7000 mile gap and a 7 hour time difference but in this digital age I'd like more than a 2 line email per day (and they're not long lines either).

I'm wallowing in self-pity sure it's not unreasonable for my husband to want to know how and what we're doing and to maintain some kind of contact, is it? Im really feeling like he doesn't give a shit and reckon most guys who are away a lot must surely make more effort than this?

If it makes you feel any better, if my dh was away, I would be lucky to get a email/text/phonecall from him at all. Its just his way

Have you told him that you would like a bit more?

Many, many times BM :) Normally he's better than this (a bit) but I don't know whether to be :( or at his complete lack of communication.

I'm feeling rather lonely and awfully sorry for myself

But if he's away all the time, OP, that's not very practical, is it? Must you have some form of communication every day? What new things can he tell you about?

I work away from home a lot - I ring briefly to say I arrived and that's it unless there's something we need to speak to each other about. I couldn't bear it if I had to draft lengthy (boring) e-mails every day...

Sorry... but that is how it is when you work way and I don't think it has anything to do with gender.

Can you get some local friends/nterests going so that you aren't so lonely?

Awww, can you send him a essay, y'know, just to make a point?

Ask him loads ad loads of questions and tell him if he doesn't reply then tell him when you see him again that you will string up his balls until he writes you a decent email!!!!

Men are inconsiderate bastards! sometimes

I've built my own life which keeps me very busy and is satisfying (although filling a void) but it's not the same as being able to land myself on my parents and whinge at them :).
He works in some pretty shitty and dangerous places so it's nice to hear from him and know everything is ok. He doesn't have a lot to tell, but it would be nice to get some reaction to our news and it might be nice if he asked how the kids were now and again.

I agree with Lying Does depend on what he's doing, but I know when dh has to go away with work, they are actually working from early in the morning until late in the evening. Any 'spare' minutes they re expected to be "networking", then he sleeps. If they get an afternoon off, then he tries to get out and see something of the area he's in for a few hours.
I don't rely on him for 'chat' though - I have my own life and friends too.

Yes but Giserable... what can you possibly have to tell him every day either? If I'm away for a week, I make a point of ringing in the evening maybe once or twice to break up the week. I want to hear from them as much as they want to hear from me but e-mailing, no - nor daily calls. They are a drag for the recipient as much as for the person working away, or they are in my book.

We have 'family nights' when I get home and catch up on all the news, it's lovely.

Perhaps as you say, it's because you don't have your parents 'on tap' so it's more difficult. Do you e-mail/ring them often?

Maybe you could do one email to each other once/twice a week? Then there may well be more lines?

No, I don't rely on him for chat but it would be nice to think he's interested in us given that he spends up to 6 weeks away with maybe only a week at home.

It's not a few days he's away, it really is most of the time, weekends and all. He doesn't get the time back and he's expected to work when he's home. It's very difficult to maintain a proper relationship with so little contact. I get so little from him that I don't see the point in writing him long emails. He has very little idea what I do, where I am, how I feel.

I know I'm being unreasonable really. He's snowed under at work and is at breaking point. He works every single day and most days it's a 14-16 hour day. He doesn't need the extra pressure from me (hence me whining on here rather than at him, so thanks for reading!) and knows I support him trying to find another job which allows him to take a fucking breathe now and again.

I just feel a bit short-changed when i see my friends have lovely relationships with partners they actually spend time with. I guess it's 10 times worse for him.

As you were; I realise I'm being a tosser and have pulled myself together.

No, of course you're not being a tosser. You miss him and you're lonely. I'm just trying to explain how it is from my experience, being the partner who works away.

In your position, we'd be 'collecting' things all week to show daddy when he comes home; stones, pictures, what was on tv that was funny, photos of days out, swimming, 'new can do's', that kind of thing.

I just didn't want you to feel as though your husband isn't interested - that obviously isn't true and if he could, I'm sure he'd rather be at home with you all.

Stop flagellating... have some wine.

I can write War And Peace in an email - he won't reciprocate.

He does all the lovely places like Libya, Yemen, Iraq, Nigeria so I get twitchy.

We don't get time together when he's home really. He has a full time job when he's home. when he's away he does a diiferent job but is still expected to get his F/T job done as well. He has one week home and the whole week will be spent catching up with his job from when he was away and preparing for the next trip.
I'm whining. I know I am. I'm embarrassing myself now he's probably feeling shittier than I do :o

No, well, now you've put in all that extra detail, it becomes more apparent why you feel the way you do. Is this a long term arrangement ? Or a 'Do it for 2 years, pay off the debts / save up for something' type arrangement ? Doesn't seem to be a job that's sustainable long term if you want to maintain a family life as well. Difficult to know what to suggest as you've no doubt had all these thoughts yourself already

Would it help you to compose long e-mails to him ? Like wrioting a diary or a blog. You could tell him it's theraputic for you and you're not expecting him to have the time to reply ?

Wine?? don't have any. Rum and coke for me. It's 11.30pm and I have no chance of sleeping with caffeine sloshing around inside me!

and yes, you're absolutely right, he would far rather be home with us. We've been doing this for years, I shouldn't even be thinking about it!

I don't envy him. I wouldn't e-mail either, except the bare necessities. No need to be twitchy but I understand where you're coming from. I'd send you a quick line every day for your sanity, but it wouldn't be more than that without being a complete chore for me.

Six weeks is a long time and I expect his 'breaking point' is exacerbated by knowing that you're unhappy and at missing what is going on in his childrens' daily lives.

I think, of that one week that he gets off, he should work like a demon for three/four days - and the rest belong to the family exclusively. You might feel a bit better if that could be made sacrosanct?

I feel your pain, OP.

BfG, it's been pretty much like this for the 10 years we've been together.

It's getting worse. For me it's the same, he's not here so I have to deal with everything. For him it's getting awful. I'm really concerned for his health. He's answering emails at 6.30am and still on bloody calls at 8.30pm. He just doesn't stop. Our weekends are different to the people he deals with so when we're on our weekend, the rest of the world isn't and expects him to be at their beck and call.

I'm not sure he'd appreciate a big long email about what we've been doing so I'm thinking about boring the arse off writing a journal to a friend who's very sick and housebound instead.

What's his exit strategy, Giserable? Are there alternative jobs in his area of experience/contacts?

Gissy, does he have access to wireless network when away? I have a suggestion but won't work unless he has at least intermittent access to wireless.

That's what he's looking at, Lying. He's put a few feelers out and has got a pretty positive response so far. I just hope he goes through with it. This job pays very well but we're now at a point where the money just isn't worth it. A decent family life is worth much more. The jobs he's looking at will still mean him working away a lot but for a set period, and when he's home, he's home - it's his time off. That I can handle.

Zeno, at the moment no.

Relationships where one half is working away lots, are very tough. It breaks a lot of people. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder; more like out of sight out of mind. My husband did it for a few years and I hated it. I didn't get married to live apart. Sorry- very depressing, but I know where you're coming from. I'm a million times happier now dh is home every night, even if it's late. It's important to check in with each other every day. You don't need to have anything to say; just being in the same room is enough. A 2 line email a day would really fuck me off. How long will he be working away for?

Peanutbutter, I would have written your post almost word for word had I been able to trade places with someone else.

He's home soon but only for a week then he's off again. I know the plans until mid summer and in 10 months he'll have been home about 7 weeks. It's often at very short notice he has to travel and to all different places. It's really not great when you have kids whose lives are passing him by.

It's shit. I'm really surprised at all the positive comments about working away partners in this thread. I hated it, know lots of other people who hate it. And I just can't get my head around being happy that your other half isn't there for giant chunks of time. Why would anyone like that? You learn to live with it, like a verruca or a case of thrush.

I hope things improve in the future, like they did for me. Hang in there x