...to want more than a 2 line email per day from DH?

[GiserableMitt]

He's away and has been for a while. Works away about 80% of the time. We're expat so no family close by to go and moan at for support.
There's a 7000 mile gap and a 7 hour time difference but in this digital age I'd like more than a 2 line email per day (and they're not long lines either).

I'm wallowing in self-pity sure it's not unreasonable for my husband to want to know how and what we're doing and to maintain some kind of contact, is it? Im really feeling like he doesn't give a shit and reckon most guys who are away a lot must surely make more effort than this?

Bugger. If he ever does, get an iPod each.

Videos, pics, emails, FaceTime, messaging - all free over the wireless network, all on one small device. They have revolutionised our contact as a family with dh away 4 weeks at a time, and also with distant rellies.

FaceTime is genius - way better than skyping. Dd age 3 has never met her distant rellies in the flesh but it doesn't feel like that because they chat together and play together so often now.

I feel for you - it's rough being left a long time on your own. Lonely.

I think the iPods helped because it puts a whole range of options at your fingertips. When I don't feel like typing I can record a quick video message and send it - takes about 1 min to do. Or take a series of daft pictures and send them etc etc

I won't go into detail about the potential for filthy communiques...

I know how you feel OP. DH is military so 3-6 month stints away in dangerous places are regular, and feel unremitting. When he's home, he's often off on exercise. Has been away 15 out of the last 20 days so far, and this is meant to be his time at home. He'll deploy again in October, about 2 weeks after DC3 is due. Contact - of some sort, every day - actually helps you remember who your DH is, and in many ways keeps feelings of love and connectedness alive.

I know that sounds daft, but after the first few weeks of a deployment I begin to forget how it feels to hug him, his smell and even the sound of his voice. Something, anything that makes you feel linked in some way and reminds you who that person is, what they're doing and how much they love you can be so very important. I also want him to know, if the worst does ever happen to him, that I love him and I want to be able to look back at the e-mails we shared and see something with meaning
It's easy to feel incredibly lonely despite having friends / a fulfilling life because everyone around you seems to be enjoying family time together; every other married person you know at least SEES their spouse on a fairly regular basis. If both people don't keep up some decent effort to connect in any way possible, over long periods of time its very very easy for resentment and estrangement to creep in.

Op you are definitely nbu.

I agree with northpole. It is important to feel connected and be involved in each others day to day life while you're apart. When DP is away (4 weeks at a time) he calls every day without fail and I wake up every morning to a text. sometimes we talk about big things. Sometimes we talk about what we've had for tea. Sometimes we talk about politics or football. Whatever. We always talk.

It must be hard for you op because you can't force him to communicate or to want to be in touch

Sorry no suggestions but I just wanted you to know that I hear you, I sympathise and I think Yanbu

yanbu but he's a man and they just don't communicate like we do.... you need a good english pen friend if you haven't got and rl native friends there :(

Peanutbutter I don't think anyone has said they like it. I fucking hate it. We are just trying to say how we make the best of it because we don't have a choice

That's the thing...DH doesn't actually seem bothered. He's busy, I'm 'busy' so that's that.
There is no feeling of connection and I find it incredibly hard sometimes to go from feeling pretty much single to loving wife when he's back. There's almost a case of 'fuck you'; you didnt want to know while you were away, why should I want to know now you're back. He just doesn't communicate well and it does upset me that he doesn't even ask how the kids are (he will when we talk but we've only had 3 very short conversations over the past 3 weeks) or react to what I've said about them in an email. He places a huge amount of trust in me and I guess he has to - I'm responsible for an awful lot in his absence - and I suppose he presumes if there's a problem I'll tell him (although who'll tell ME if something happens to him is another matter as he travels alone most of the time and I'm fairly sure his company do not have my contact details, they'd have to scout around until they find the 2 people here who do have them; and until a week ago if something happened to us there would be no-one who could let him know).

Zeno, he works all over the world and sometimes in some pretty remote place so he never knows if he'll have mobile phone coverage let alone wifi.

Well that just sucks doesn't it. Transitioning is really hard - you have to have two completely different lifestyles and try to switch from one to the other overnight each time.

I'm sorry not to have anything else helpful to suggest. Hard for you to have him so thoroughly absent and unavailable to you. Yanbu to feel it's not enough.

Thanks for your suggestions anyway :)

Maybe he's one of those people who is very good at/can only cope with the situation by compartmentalising? So when he's away he's in his "work" box and you and the DCs are in the "family" box, and he finds it hard to switch to the "family" box when he has to keep focused for work, particularly if he's in places where he has to think about personal safety too.

Not saying he's right, just I've known a couple of people like this and keeping family almost at arms' length while immersed in a tricky or dangerous work situation was their coping strategy.

Oh Giserable :( I feel for you I really do. You sound really lonely. Add to that the worry for his personal safety and it's really bloody hard on you

Can you talk to him about it when he's home and more relaxed? Tell him how it's making you feel.

Possibly, fireandashes. It's a nicer way of putting it than "self absorbed" :o

Curry, no point. I've tried so often I bore myself, I guess I just need to live with it.

Just received my 2 lines for today lol

I would imagine his email correspondence is monitored and under surveillance by his employer. Or they may have a policy in place setting limits to private non-work related emails.

I email his personal email address which he receives on his own BlackBerry.

:(