To think that having the odd glass of wine shouldn't get you chucked off the JSA?

[Hullygully]

Another cunning ruse. Alcohol testing to see if you can have your half a goat a week.

Can we pick what goat we have? I want one of those Pygmy fainting ones that drop to the floor if you make them jump.

Then I can go around scamming people in the street. " hey! You killed my goat! You sir owe me £50!"

A feckless fecker is something to be.

If you qualify, you may pick your own goat.

However any profit has to be spent on cheap alcohol, cigarettes and chicken nuggets.

They are the actual rules y'know

I want a fainting pygmy goat too.

I'll just sit at home drunk, laughing every time it falls over.

So no competition for you Charlie, you entreprenewer.

And I bought a Brevia bra from Asda today.

Err no, we allocate goats after 73,000 forms have been completed.

Sometimes, people only qualify for a rat.

Tough times, tough times.

Oh no fanjo - really? I don't smoke or drink and I'm a vegetarian.

Can't I buy value crisps and chocolates instead?

Rats?

Can it be one of those ones that sit on your head and direct you around kitchen making fabulous meals? I saw a documentary about one once I'm sure...

Just worked out what JSA was. I was thinking that maybe it was some sort of meat raffle. Like they have in pubs. Well some pubs.

(I just searched YouTube for fainting goats. I've no idea where the Pygmy thing came into it.... But a smaller one would be easier to transport in one of those doggy pushchairs so maybe it was wishful thinking?)

I've been harassing my husband to get me a goat for years. Last week he bought me a robotic lawn mower instead. He's such a nerd. :(

Frig, no goats for me then <

Linerunner - what's the Brevia like, I'm thinking of getting a couple, mind you I have rather large baps, would they be swinging round my waist?

Oh, I really do have a rat, her name is sausage.
She likes baths and chocolate spread, and is very fat

MissFav It's not too bad. I have it on under my usual bra, mind. Clearly when they say you might need two - I think they are talking to us larger-bapped laydeez - you do need two. Or possibly three.

I might need a government grant to cover the bapping costs.

I don't drink. How do I qualify for the Free Goat please?

I would've gone to the Job Centre today to get it, but I couldn't, because it was sunny I was doing a favour to a mate. She needed help with her bapz.

Are you trying to tell me that if DH loses his job at the end of the month (very possible right now) then not only will I have to cope with him moping under my feet all day long but they'll make me stop drinking too, in order to collect my goat?

Do they want to drive me to murder? I guess I could always blame the goat. My victim could 'slip' and 'accidentally' land on the goat's horns.

Can you not get someone else's goat to do a urine sample for you, so you can claim your goat?

I don't drink or smoke can I have something else with horns, like an Ilk?

Blimey Linerunner, was thinking to get these for my holiday instead of bras and wearing one at a time, I'd be sweating buckets in 3 wouldn't I.

I can do you a Funeral Grant Dooin

MissFaversham, depends on the bappness I guess, and what you'll be doing. I have big baps and I am gardening. If I was sitting drinking a cocktail in a slinky frock then maybe one Brevia bra would do. They are £12.97 each. I think the state should pay. It's not my fault I have fucking big baps.

I want a pauper's grave.

Sorry Linerunner, could have done you a voucher for Matalan but sadly no more due to the cutz. Outer-wear only.

Sellotape?

Why thank you Katie. We find out on the 30th of June if he has a permanant job (in which case we shall be in Turkey by August) or of he has no job at all, in which case I predict I shall be needing the funeral grant by July 1st and a new goat. I imagine the old one would be traumatised.

I don't drink or smoke and I want a sodding buffalo!
So there!