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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to understand why newbies feel unwelcome when there's a certain group of people on here that think mumsnet is all about them?

822 replies

truthful · 23/05/2012 10:47

I really do understand why there is a 'flouncers corner' on this site and I understand why people feel the need to go to it!
Six months ago I joined this site and on my first ever thread there was about 10 people who all clearly knew eachother and started their own conversation and completely ignored me! I felt really unwelcome but just thought it was a one off. Ever since then I've begun to realise that its like school on here and theres the 'popular' group who seem to think that everyone should know who they are and so they just hijack everyone elses thread and talk amongst themselves ignoring other people in the process! I was even in a thread yesterday and there was a discussion and one of the popular ones said something along the lines of ' oh its jack, havent seen you for a while, hows your dad?'
To me that was rude and if you know eachother that well then shouldn't you be emailing or private messaging instead of being so rude? I can honestly say I have said something regarding to what the OP was asking and been completely ignored by what send like the usual lot talking about scones or something Hmm
Another thing which I hate is all the private jokes flying around which is between the usual lot and no one else. Fanjo??? Grow up!
The only time people seem to get noticed is when they have changed their name to something like one of the popular peoples names! Remember the whole 'whos impersonating sue's thing yesterday??? seems like thats all people cared about as yiu are sooo popular so

OP posts:
MySweetPrince · 23/05/2012 13:41

Can't say I've evr been bothered by the "in Crowd" - I feel that MN is a great place for getting advice, letting off steam and havin a larf. It may not suit all people but then NM isn't for me....I had a look once but it was all a bit too glittery and shiny and skirt swirly hair flicky goodie goodie lovey dovey for me. Whereas MN seems to be more down to earth where the hell did I put the keys we have to go NOW no I don't know where your bloomin trainers are why didn't you tell me about the school trip type of place. Which is me.
So go where you feel most at home.
Thanks for Tethers! Congratulations.

LeQueen · 23/05/2012 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyKnot · 23/05/2012 13:42

Aw, you named her after ME?

I'm touched in the head Tethers. Truly.

I WANT A BABY.

poorbuthappy · 23/05/2012 13:46

I attempted to start a lighthearted thread on Sat night. Twas completely ignored.

And guess what??? I didn't actually care...

because if I started a thread 1 day about something important, then I know that someone somewhere would hold my hand, pour the wine and help me.

Get over it and get on with it. Grin

Hullygully · 23/05/2012 13:46

Where's the pics tevs?

Hullygully · 23/05/2012 13:48

loads of my threads get ignored poorbuthappy. Just start some more. Tip: put "royalty" or "clique" or "anal" or "breastfeeding" in th etitle.

LeQueen · 23/05/2012 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhChristFENESTROSAURUS · 23/05/2012 13:52

I started a thread the other day pretend-complaining about swearing on MN, - I thought that would draw in the crowds and then I could direct them to look a pictures of my new puppy on my profile. It turns out I should have entitled it COME AND LOOK AT MY PUPPY, - who knew?

LeQueen · 23/05/2012 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhChristFENESTROSAURUS · 23/05/2012 13:56

My puppies are worth a gawp, it's true Grin

Pinot · 23/05/2012 13:59

My threads always get ignored. That's why I jump on other peoples for a wrestle and a wrangle.

Eccles these bastarding boyfriend pants are from Marksies. They are so uncomfy. Can you be wonderful and kind and link me a good solid pair of nude non-VPL jobbies? My bum would thank you Thanks

Hullygully · 23/05/2012 14:00

This is the sort of thing we need

FioFio · 23/05/2012 14:05

It has been like this since the beginning of time on all forums...surely?

I tend to think if you have insecurity issues it might be easier to stay away from places like this and to limit your exposure to social media, like I do :o

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 23/05/2012 14:14

I like to launch in and pretend i'm one of the in crowd even though i'm pretty certain only the girls from my ante natal thread will actually recognise me. Only one way to get included and that's just to jump in and try and figure what's going on as you go :-)

Hullygully · 23/05/2012 14:16

Exactly. Just join in.

PinotysaurusRex · 23/05/2012 14:17

Exactly MCWS (and I recognise you!) - that's what i did too. I just joined in and eventually they accepted me.

I was a worm burrowing into MN :) Or as I've said before, I just bounded around wearing giant clown shoes :)

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 23/05/2012 14:20

Hully - I just did! :)

Pinot - yay! I've had a hard week and been indulging in the expected stress relief. Have a brownie.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/05/2012 14:20

OK - a few of my thoughts, truthful.

Yes, Netmums and mumsnet are different - but different doesn't have to mean better or worse - just different. It would be very boring indeed if all parenting websites were the same. And I don't think there is anything inherently wrong in telling someone that one or other will suit them better - I know that mumsnet suits me better than netmums, and wouldn't be offended if someone over there told me so. It's like saying that one cafe is really pretty, vintage, retro and does a lovely range of teas, and another is all big squashy leather chairs and specialises in different coffees. If I walk into the vintage-y one and complain that I don't like retro chic or tea, and another patron points me to the other cafe up the road and says I might like that one better, that's a good thing, in my book - it means I can find the place that suits me and where I fit in.

As someone else said, this isn't like a 1-to-1 conversation, it is mroe like a big group discussion, and there will be meanderings and side topics, and people who know eachother and throw in conversational spanners. If you go with the flow, and carry on posting and enjoying the conversation, even if it has strayed away from where it started, you might enjoy it, and you will get to know people better, and they will get to know you too. Basically that's what I did when I joined this site - I joined in the conversations and went with the flow, and I got to know and be known.

And I have found mumsnet to be an incredibly caring and supportive place (with firmness and an ability to tell you to cut the crap if that's what you need to be told) - tough love, I guess. I have made some wonderful friends here (and fwiw, we do have our own threads for our in jokes - but they are open to anyone who wants to come in and join our fun). I have met actual mumsnetters - at christmas dos, and individually, and that has enriched my life. There are others I long to meet, and intend to meet sometime. And others who will be friends on the interweb and who I will never meet, but appreciate just as much.

I've also been part of some of the ways that mumsnetters reach out in very practical ways to other mumsnetters in need. Each christmas there's a mumsnet secret santa - where you can suggest someone who might be going through a rough time, and another mumsnetter will send a little secret santa gift - which is a wonderful thing for both giver and receiver. I have also knitted squares for several of the mumsnet blankets - if you look at the Woolly Hugs website it will tell you more, and you can see pictures of the blankets - but basically they grew from a single mumsnetter who sadly lost her little boy following surgery for a brain tumour. People wanted to do something tangible to offer comfort, so it was decided we'd make a quilt and a blanket - some people made quilt squares, which were made up into a quilt by another mumsnetter's mum; and others of us knitted squares which were made up into a blanket - we saw it as a way of offering tangible comfort, when we were all widely spread and unable to go in person to offer a hug or some practical help. The response was amazing, and nearly twice as many squares as were needed, turned up - and then another blanket was needed when another mumsnetter lost a spouse. It has gone on from there, and we are currently knitting for two blankets. This, to me, epitomises the absolute best of mumsnet. I don't know if netmums does anything similar - I wouldn't be at all surprised if they do, because when people get together, in a caring supporting community, stuff like this happens.

Anyhow - end of essay - and all I want to leave you with is one thought. Give it another try - join in some threads, have some fun, make some friends, and maybe you will find we aren't all that bad after all.
xx

Hullygully · 23/05/2012 14:21

the expected stress relief

masturbating?

PinotysaurusRex · 23/05/2012 14:21

:o

Buckingfiatch · 23/05/2012 14:23

I am new, in no cliques or whatever, yet I spend many hours minutes laughing my poor tits off at the joking about on many a thread. 'Tis the type of sarcastic, twisted funny sense of humour I enjoy.

If you like NM so much, I seriously can not imagine why you would think this place would be your cup of tea...

(Psst, don't know who you are tethers but congratumalations anyhoo)

Maryz · 23/05/2012 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully · 23/05/2012 14:26
ShirleyKnot · 23/05/2012 14:28
Hullygully · 23/05/2012 14:29