Gym changing rooms

[Aloysius]

I have 4 boys, the eldest of which is 7 and we swim 4 times a week. The gym where I go has recently been dropping hints (the manager has a son in one of their classes) that he is too old to come in the ladies changing room, and has sent her son (aged 6 on his own in the mens). I am worrying myself to death about this and have so far flouted the rules. Apparently some lady complained when her son stared at her bust. My boys are quite at home with female bodies (we have no issue with nudity at home) and don't do this and I have no problem with him being confined to a cubicle (there are only 2) and then waiting outside when dressed. I can't believe that the lady who complained had any children/grandchildren because I did a quick straw-poll this morning and everyone agreed with me. Obviously my problem is compounded by the fact that I have 3 boys with me at any one time. There are no separate disabled changing rooms (only a disable toilet in the foyer). The showers in the mens changing rooms are all open and I have been informed that there is a male who 'likes younger boys' at the gym (this is from someone who was told by HIS wife). I am obviously worried out of my mind. I think it is unsafe and unreasonable. If the sign states "over the age of 7" could that be interpreted as until he is aged 8 ? I am seriously considering taking them to the municipal pool and keeping my £150 every 6 weeks for lessons.

There isn't a definitive age at which children can safely be left alone to get changed in a gym changing room, they all develop maturity at different rates.

We don't expect all children to start walking at exactly the same age, or start talking, or start reading, so why do we expect that they should all be mature enough to get changed on their own at the pool at exactly the same age?

Sirzy, yes it is our job as parents to teach our children how to keep themselves safe, but it is also our job as parents to look after them until we believe they are ready to do that for themselves.

How old is the next oldest boy? Just send them both in together.
No need for showering, get dry, dressed then wait outside, shower when home.
Not a big drama.
I wouldn't be happy if I was in female changing room with my daughter and there was a 7 year old boy as she would be uncomfortable.

Yanbu 6yo belongs with adult at swim changing rooms.

Rule here is 8 yo.

I think the biggest risk of kids changing alone is probably that they wouldn't wait for you to get in the pool and would run ahead and jump in unsupervised. If there is a suspected child molester in the gym I would be doing something about that first through, TBH.

doesn't the pool have a lifeguard?

Fanny, at least you have your dd with you while she feels uncomfortable.

What about a 7yo boy being made to go into the men's changing room alone but is made to feel uncomfortable by a 6yo girl in there with her Father?

It's unfair and sexist that it's one rule for girls and another for boys. They are children!

'What about a 7yo boy being made to go into the men's changing room alone but is made to feel uncomfortable by a 6yo girl in there with her Father'

That post makes no sense at all! if he is uncomfortable about being seen by one 6yr old girl, then surely he will be more uncomfortable being seen by umpteen women and girls in the Ladies???

Yes, maybe he would, and that's why he wanted to go in the men's, only to find that there was a girl in there of a simelar age to him.

This just another one of the reasons why families should be allowed to do what they feel most comfortable with in the absence of proper family changing rooms.

But at what age does that stop becoming acceptable though? What about others who are using the facilities do they not have as much right to feel comfortable?

And this wife of a paedo is still his wife?

That's the point sirzy, there isn't a universally acceptable age, which is why these facilities should be obliged to provide family changing.

A 7yo girl might not like to have a 7yo boy in the changing room with her. An 8yo boy might not be able to be trusted to be sensible in the male changing rooms, he might be nervous to go alone or whatever.

The point is that people with equal rights to use the facilities have completely conflicting interests, so there isnt any other solution apart from having family changing. Without that, there will always be someone who doesn't like having to share their changing room with a child of the opposite sex, or a child being forced to do something alone when they shouldnt have to, and neither one of those trumps the other.

outraged I have a 7 year old boy who gets changed on his own in the men's.

This problem will resolve itself pretty sharpish as a 7yo boy is unlikely to be persuaded for very much longer to use womens changing facilities, especially when other boys in his class are using the mens.

That's great for you and your son Fanny, but not all children are identical to yours!

I have an 11yo ds who has aspergers, and as much as I hate the whole SN thing being brought into every debate on here, he wouldn't have been ok in the men's changing room alone until he was about 9. He could probably have managed before then, but neither of us would have felt confident with it tbh. It's just one of those things, and I don't see him as anywhere near disabled enough to warrant the use of the disabled changing room, nor do I want him to see himself as disabled enough to need to go in the disabled changing room. That would totally contradict the effort I have to make to get him to see that he has to learn the way things are done in society.

It's pointless for you to say that you have a 7yo that is happy to change in the mens, because children are not all the same, but they have the same rights. I could just as easily say I have a 7yo dd who doesn't care if there are 7yo boys in the ladies changing room, but that wouldn't help the 7yo girl who does feel uncomfortable with it.

Is there any way you can ask for a lifeguard/ member of staff to be aware that there is an unattended child in the changing rooms. (as a point, surely as the age for being unattended in a swimming pool is 8 then the same age should apply to the changing rooms) The alternative is to take them into the mens changing room yourself.
To outraged sorry, but I think if an 11 year old boy is not able to go into the mens changing rooms alone because of a disablity then he should be using the changing room provided for the purpose.

If it was an 11 year old girl with aspergers would you be taking her into the mens changing room if her dad was taking her to the gym or swimming? My son went to the men's changing room from about 7. He was sensible enough to tell me if there were any problems but I don't see changing rooms as creepy places populated by paedos.
I agree that if a disability stops you using the appropriate changing room you use the disabled changing room. That is a more appropriate room for an 11 year old boy than the women's changing room.

He was sensible enough to tell me if there were any problems but I don't see changing rooms as creepy places populated by paedos.

Neither do I actually, but at a number of different levels, I would prefer in relation to my own child, that there be someone with him at that age, even just another child.

Thing is if all 7+ boys go in the male changing rooms it will create safety in numbers surely? But if the majority ate in the female change then it becomes harder for one or two to follow the rules.

I posted on last weeks thread about DD being mortified that a boy in her class came in when she'd just stripped off. V unfair on shy or modest girls and women. How embarrassed would a 12yo be to discover her period had started in front of lots of boys.

Outraged My DS does not have Aspergers, although he does have Dyspraxia if we are playing that card.
You say why should he go into the disabled change as he is not disabled but equally he is above the age for the ladies changing room so why should he go in there?
I would hope most people are understanding if an older child with special needs has to use the opposite sex changing room.
But children who are over 7 and NT should really be able to get ready themselves.

My 7 year old was able to get ready himself, if painfully slowly and chaotically, it was just my preference to keep him with me until he was older cos y'know, I can do what I want unless a rule states otherwise.

Our municipal swimming pool has beautiful family changing areas and charges £72 for six weeks' worth of lessons for three children.

It's understandable why you are uncomfortable with him being alone in the mens changing rooms, I don't think you should ignore your instincts. Perhaps you could explain to them that you don't feel that he would be safe unsupervised and if they really didn't want him in the womens a staff member could keep an eye on him in the mens. The staff member wouldn't have to help or anything, just watch to make sure he's ok. That's what my uncle used to do when he took his girls swimming, they would go into the womens but they were under watch.

FFS, do you people actually read posts?

I said he is 11 now but I didn't feel confident letting him change alone until he was about 9. So barely over the age that most gyms/pools stipulate.

It is no more appropriate for an 8/9 yo with aspergers to use the disabled changing room that it is for them to use the female changing room.

Sorry, but I'm not going to tell my 9 yo he's disabled just because he needs a bit of help to organise himself when getting changed just to suit other people that don't want pre pubescent children in the same changing room as them.

And it's not about playing a card, it's just that some children arent ready to be left to change alone until they are a bit older. AS just happens to be the reason for that in my ds. It could just as easily be that I had a child that doesn't behave well, or that would take 40 minutes to get changed, or could not be trusted to pick all his things up or whatever. It coud also just be a neurotic parent that doesn't want their child to be alone, which is their perogative!

The only solution is for people to put up with others using the gym they pay for in the way they want to, or for them to pressure the managers to get family changing rooms installed.

I don't get this. Surely the 'paedo' and your son are unlikely to be the only two people in the men's changing room? Or any other man and your son. Unless you think there is a paedo gang operating at your gym, or you believe other fathers would stand by and watch a man preying on your son, you have nothing to be concerned about.