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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

more of a WWYD - re. unreasonable neighbour being abusive about parking

69 replies

BigFatSpider · 22/05/2012 19:47

Just had a run in with a neighbour across the road - I feel ridiculous, but she's really upset me.

I parked on a stretch of road alongside houses which have their own drives - there's space on the road outside each pair of semi's (on the road between the two drives, IYSWIM) for one large car, or two small ones without overhang and potentially blocking access to the drives.

The woman has room for 3 cars on her drive, yet chose to pull up behind me on the road (I'm in a vectra, so not much room for another car) and start mouthing off about the fact I've parked outside her house and how dare I and she has a disabled husband and it's 'people like me' and she wishes I was disabled so I'd know what it was like for her. I stayed calm and kept saying 'it's a public road' but she just kept ranting that she didn't care.

I'd already let my 5.1 DS out of the car when she pulled up so he was waiting across the road on the pavement, witnessing all this - she kept on and on at me to move so in the end I felt I had to, just to shut her up. I'm on crutches and just couldn't face strapping DS in again to move forward 2 feet so she could squeeze in behind me so had to leave him on the pavement - when I said 'my son is over there, on his own on the pavement, she 'didn't care' about that either. She could see I was struggling with crutches and bags and a child and 'I don't care' was the only response I got, even when I said 'I'm disabled too' (which I am!).

DH is now on his way home and on the warpath - he wants to go over and tell her it's a public road and I'll park where the hell I like. I know she hasn't got a leg to stand on but I'm worried that it'll inflame the situation - I don't want to get into a stupid turf war with a pensioner (she's probably late 60s) who's just being a bitch.

WWYD - go over and confront her and ask her to stop harrassing me? This is the second time she's done it now - she had a go at me completely out of the blue a few months ago when I parked on a different stretch of the same road. That time it was 'how dare you park there, don't you know the woman who lives in that house is disabled' etc. etc. At no time have I ever blocked a drive, nor would I.

OP posts:

Coconutty · 22/05/2012 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/05/2012 21:03

Ooh Sidge that's sooo bad I like your style

GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/05/2012 21:15

I wouldn't have moved it. And I would park in that space every single day now even if it's miles away from your house.

MooBaaWoofCheep · 22/05/2012 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BigFatSpider · 22/05/2012 22:46

Ha - definitely not a reverse AIBU and I'm not one of Scarlett's relations!

We're an end terrace with no drive - front door opens onto narrow pavement on the terraced side, with a bus shelter opposite - there is no parking on our stretch of road on either side (double yellows, narrow road) so anyone without parking at the rear (like us) has to find on-street parking in the surrounding un-marked roads.

The thing about strapping DS in - she was harrassing me to move elsewhere so she could park exactly where I was, rather than just forward. DS was already out of the car and waiting on the opposite pavement; if I'd been on my own I would've either stood my ground, or just driven to a different street to put an end to it, but as a PP said I was flustered by her barrage of abuse and couldn't just drive off with DS on the pavement. I'm on crutches with limited mobility and the thought of getting him in again to drive off and find somewhere else was more than I could face - so compromised by offering to go forwards a bit. DS was safe on the pavement whilst I moved forward but it was her total lack of giving a shit that pissed me off.

This is the second time she's done this to me, a previous time on the same stretch of road but not outside her house. Have no wish to drip feed but had to finish my post before I was ready.

We did go to speak to her together, as I was concerned about her feeling threatened by DH (before I got to read any replies) - as most of you suspected, didn't do the blindest bit of good. She, her husband and adult daughter were all aggressive in the extreme and let the dogs out (or rather, didn't make any effort to call the dogs back in) with threats to get off their property - which we did, sharpish.

I've written to the local councillor to get clarification that any fucker (sorry AF, taking your name in vain) can park on the road - and when I've got that, if she mouths off again, I'll speak to the community police. I'm tired and in pain and don't have the energy for this kind of crap.

Perhaps it's time to apply for that blue badge after all - she how she likes that!

OP posts:

GoPoldark · 22/05/2012 22:52

I'd be talking to the dog wardens too...

blackeyedsusan · 22/05/2012 22:53

don't move next time. ask her to call the police if she has a problem with it and let her look a wally.

oh and apply forr the blue badge if you need it.

naturalbaby · 22/05/2012 22:59

I would ignore her and carry on parking where you did. Ignore, walk away with your head held high and let her rant and rave. If she wants to stand in the street effin and blindin to herself, then let her carry on.

She can't stop you parking there unless she gets there first!

Good Luck!

OhdearNigel · 22/05/2012 23:09

You don't need to write to your councillor - I can tell you the legal situation in 1 sentence. If the road in question has been adopted by the council (ie about 99.9% of roads) she has absolutely no rights over the space at all whatsoever. You will identify an unadopted road as they all display a sign under the road name. We recently investigated this issue as we have a similar parking problem to you and a nearby close had displayed a sign saying "residents parking only". One of our friends works in highways and said if the road is adopted it is bolleaux

She hasn't got a leg to stand on

Original poster

BigFatSpider · 22/05/2012 23:23

Thanks, that's helpful and good to know about adopted roads. It's not even a 'parking space' in question - just a residential road along which people park their cars!

Ta ever so for all for your posts - I'll see if I can find that pair and reattach them.

OP posts:

Inertia · 22/05/2012 23:38

If you need a blue badge and meet the qualifying criteria, then you have every right to apply for it. Apart from the people in charge of allocating the badges, nobody has the right to pass judgement on whether your disability is "worthy" of consideration, especially this neighbour.

And regardless of whether or not you have a disability, you can park anywhere on a public road as long as you aren't blocking anyone else in. Never mind telling her to call the police if she doesn't like your parking- if she hurls abuse at you again you should consider calling the police.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 23/05/2012 11:25

It is legal for you to park there.

It is not legal for her to rant, shout, threaten or insult you on the street though. Specifically "using threatening abusive or insulting words or behaviour, within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment alarm or distress". This is Disorderly Behavior (section 5, Public Order Act 1986).

Next time she does it, sit in the car, dial 101 (police non-emergency) and describe what is happening.

Oh, and don't let your dcs out of the car till you're ready to leave it yourself ...

NoraHelmer · 23/05/2012 13:16

Our next door neighbours have 2 cars and parking for 2 cars on their driveway, yet persists in parking one of them on the road outside. He gets aggressive with anyone who "dares" to park there and now, if one of them is out, the other car is moved onto the road to protect the parking space.

Last year I had a massive row with him because he told a visitor to his house to park on our driveway instead of theirs (bloody cheek ). It ended in him threatening me with violence and I reported him to the Police. We haven't (so far) had any more trouble from either of them.

Ithinkitsjustme · 23/05/2012 13:27

I wouldn't allow your DH to go round there while he is angry, better to put anything in writing or take a witness with you in case things get nasty. You have every right to park on the road and there is no way that I would have moved my car, and I'm not on crutches. I think that if you are eligible it would be worth applying for a badge (just so you can park in her marked space if she gets one ).

sugarice · 23/05/2012 13:33

Glad their dogs didn't get aggressive with you and dh. What nasty neighbours they are. Stay calm next time it happens and ignore the old bat completely.

SusanneLinder · 23/05/2012 13:36

Just call the Police next time-she sounds like a loon!

TheCunnyFunt · 23/05/2012 13:43

Here you go Spider, try these for size :o

stubbornstains · 23/05/2012 13:51

My preferred recourse to people like this is to give them a Right Old Mouthful. Particularly effective when coupled with a Death Stare.

My favourite line is: "I would not expect to see a person of YOUR age behaving like a teenage hooligan!" (this was Mr. a-few-doors-up tinkering with my wing mirror -to the point of damage- because he thinks I shouldn't park my van opposite his house because he thinks that will make the road too narrow and tractors will demolish his front wall. I beg to differ, obviously).

No swearing, no shouting. Just channel Pure Scary Fucker Evil. Bullies are also cowards, looking for an easy victim, so will soon leave you alone.

eurochick · 23/05/2012 13:51

Get your blue badge if you need it. And then see about having a disabled bay marked out for you. Outside her house....

Mwhahahaha.

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