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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to call Social Services about this child?

63 replies

CheerfulYank · 22/05/2012 15:30

Right, this is going to be long because I don't want to drip feed.

I live in a small town and work at the school in the special ed department. I don't work with this girl personally but know who she is. The little girl in question is in second grade, so probably 8 years old.

My friend owns a bookstore downtown and on several occasions I've noticed this little girl there alone, which would not be such a big deal but she stays for hours unless my friend sends her on her way. My friend has asked her if her mother knows where she is and the little girl has replied "no, she was sleeping when I left" or "she's not home."

One of the first times she was there my friend's husband left with his DDs to take them swimming and she begged to come too. He said no, your mother doesn't know where you are. The little girl said "oh, she doesn't care." It worries me that she would think it was okay to just go off with a strange man!

My friend has said she'd rather the little girl not spend so much time in her store (she plays with my friend's DDs while there) because she has no idea who her parents are, and some parts of the store are dangerous (back rooms, steep steps, the basement, etc, that are blocked off from the actual shop), and she doesn't know if they'd be up in arms if she got hurt.

My friend and her husband recently bought a house close the shop and the little girl has shown up there asking if she can play and if she can stay for dinner because she's hungry.

I mentioned this to her case worker at school and she would like me to call the county. She (the CW) said she has very minimal contact with the mother because she will not come in or return their calls, that there may be some alcoholism issues, and that the little girl has complained of being hungry before.

I don't really want to call the county as I know that it can ruin people's lives, and in my experience they rarely do anything except in cases of outright abuse anyway.

However. I am quite concerned for this little girl. As I said, it's a small town, and it's quite common to see kids of her age going to the shop or library alone, but it's obvious in those cases that they have a specific purpose and someone knows where they are. With this little girl she is just wandering, and my impression is that her mother doesn't know where she is.

Also (and I am NOT a "pedo on every corner" type, I swear!) summer is coming and we get loads of tourists. It worries me to think that she will be wandering around all day every day when she apparently has no concept of stranger danger. (And of course there may be people in our town who pose worry too, don't mean to be all "those dodgy tourists!")

Honestly, I do not believe that the county will do much. But I am honestly worried for her safety. Any advice?

OP posts:
GingerWrath · 22/05/2012 19:49

OP are you dealing with this Stateside?

Hullygully · 22/05/2012 19:52

Yes she is.

GingerWrath · 22/05/2012 19:56

Hully thanks, in which case the CP authorities will be entirely different and she will comeup against a lot more red tape than we do.

Hullygully · 22/05/2012 19:57

she is very lovely and caring (the op)

Tortu · 22/05/2012 19:58

Ahhh. Apologies then (gulp. I realise I also suggested you were a random loon. Sorry!). The system will be completely different and I have no idea what you'd do.

Good luck and well done for being such a great person. The girl is lucky that somebody is taking an interest in her.

TheUnMember · 22/05/2012 20:27

Is this what school staff do these days, have concerns about a child's welfare and discuss it on mumsnet to see whether action should be taken? Hmm

GreenEggsAndNichts · 22/05/2012 20:29

Is there an address for the CPS agency in your county? I would write to the director, if one exists. Or an email, clearly cc'ing in the local state congressman/woman. Or other pertinent local elected officials. It's a flaw in the process if you can not report a situation to CPS without the child's addres, fgs. Angry

GreenEggsAndNichts · 22/05/2012 20:29

*address

Get0rfMoiLand · 22/05/2012 20:31

Oh shut up unmember fgs. the OP was asking for advice and has acted on it anyway - read the thread.

CY good on you for trying - it looks as if you will have to persevere.

TheUnMember · 22/05/2012 20:34

I read the thread. I just happen to think it's inappropriate for school staff to seek advise on how to proceed with child protection issues from random strangers on the internet.

Selks · 22/05/2012 20:37

OP, next time she shows up at the shop and says something like "my mum is out" or her mum is "asleep" call the police to come and talk to her straight away. They will be able to find out who she is and where she lives and take the appropriate action e.g. alert social services, and even take her into protective custody if needed. She is not only being neglected, she is being placed at risk.

Sirzy · 22/05/2012 20:38

But what she was reporting wasn't really a school level issue. Its just a coincidence that it was a child a the school she works at, but a child she has no contact with at a school level.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 22/05/2012 20:41

Her position at the school is irrelevant; she doesn't have contact with the child in an official capacity at the school, and she's reporting incidents which took place outside of school property.

She has contacted the child's case worker at the school and that has been a dead end. Why shouldn't she ask for advice?

Notfuckingpastit1 · 22/05/2012 21:04

I had reason to call the NSPCC with what turned out to be genuine concerns re two very young children. Believe me, it took a lot of nerve. The reaction I got was unbelievable. I gave them names etc and explained I wasn't calling because I wanted to cause trouble, I was very worried. I got told there was nothing they could do, but if I had any further concerns re the children dial 999.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 22/05/2012 21:08

Yes Tortu I am in the US, we don't have a CP person at school as such, but do have a social worker. I can try him next.

I just really don't know what to do at this point beyond keeping an eye out for her. I will go to the police next time I see her out and about.

She has an older brother (I think he's 11 or so) and is with him occasionally but mostly not. I wonder if the mother thinks she is with him, but he ditches her?

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 22/05/2012 21:09

Hully I would like to take her in. :(

OP posts:
Hullygully · 22/05/2012 21:29

Pore you.

I know it's a nightmare and I know you have enough to manage, but keep fighting for her.

Thumbwitch · 23/05/2012 15:28

Any further developments, CY?

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 23/05/2012 21:30

I am going to get her address from school next week and try again.

I talked to my bookstore friend and she said the man who owns the meat market next door inquired after the little girl. They have a basket of candy out for kids, and he said she takes a lot and he thinks she is hungry. :( (Of course all kids would take a lot of candy, but there's something in the way she does it...)

SS probably won't do anything, so my bookstore friend and I are going to do our best to keep an eye out for her. I take my friend's DDs a lot in the summer (to the park or over to mine to swim or whatever) and I will try to talk to the little girl's mother and see if she can come too. I don't know what else to do! If I meet her mother or talk to her on the phone I can see what the situation seems to be, as well.

One of my other friends, who is an SW, said I can't just be "taking everything on" and putting pressure on myself. Angry WTF am I meant to do?! She's a child! If something were to ever happen to her, "it wasn't my job" would be a very small consolation.

In light of that, this poem was hanging in the staff bathroom today. It is probably a sign from the Universe. :)

" We accept responsibility for children
who like to be tickled,
who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
who sneak Popsicles before supper,
who can never find their shoes.

And we accept responsibility for those
who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
who never go to the circus,
who live in an x-rated world.

We accept responsibility for children
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
who cover themselves with Band-Aids and sing off key,
who squeezes toothpaste all over the sink,
who slurp their soup.

And we accept responsibility for those
who never get dessert,
who don't have any room to clean up,
whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
whose monsters are real.

We accept responsibility for children
who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who squirm in church and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles make us cry.

And we accept responsibility for those
whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren't spoiled by anybody,
who go to be hungry and cry themselves to sleep.

We accept responsibility for children
who want to be carried and for those who must,
for those we never give up on and for those
who don't get a second chance.

For those we smother...
And for those who will grab the hand
Of anybody kind enough to take it."

OP posts:
pamplemousse · 23/05/2012 21:37

Oh this thread is making me sad and that verse is lovely, meep.

hellymelociraptor · 23/05/2012 21:39

Oh gosh, that poem has made me cry. It is so easy to forget all the neglected children in ones own bubble of being a parent.

Emmielu · 23/05/2012 22:15

Her case worker should have been on this by now if she suspected alcoholism. Angry
Why is she dumping the job on you op? She should have said "thank you for raising the alarm bells I'm aware there may be concerns. I'll take it from here" case worker should have address etc.

Thumbwitch · 23/05/2012 22:52

Great poem to have hanging in the staff area - think perhaps more of them should take more notice of it, hey?

Hope your plan works out, CY - she certainly does sound like she needs some intervention.

minouminou · 23/05/2012 22:56

What would happen if you called all the relevant authorities with all your details and said that you were going to take her in, even if it's just an interim measure?
Would you be protecting yourself against suspicion by being open about it - making it obvious that you weren't abducting the girl or imprisoning her?

This is heartbreaking.

Vicky2011 · 23/05/2012 23:17

I'm a little suspicious of the case worker in all this - why the lack of urgency?