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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to give up work?

30 replies

firemansamisnormansdad · 21/05/2012 23:05

My husband earns more in 6 weeks than I do in one year, yet I still do: the school run, go to work, leave work early to pick up DD/DS, bring work home, do the shopping, cook the supper, clean up, sort the laundry, tidy the house, keep everything organised except my brain. Now that we can comfortably afford for me to give up work and still pay the school fees, do I give up? Except, of course, do I give up my career? I've already resigned but my boss is begging me to stay and I know I'm pretty good at my job. BTW, DH is away a lot and actually has to earn his exhorbitant salary, so please don't say "get DH to do more around the house" - and we already have cleaners.... So: is it an easy life and a bored brain, or carry on as I am and be permanently frazzled...????

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 21/05/2012 23:19

For God's sake don't give up your job. Heaven forbid if your marriage were ever to break down you'd need it.

MumPaula · 21/05/2012 23:20

Can't you cut down to part time and see how you like being home more?
Seems a shame to give up a career if you like it. You may want to get back in when the kids are older and you are bored at home.

Tryharder · 21/05/2012 23:28

If I were in your position I would probably go part time

sc2987 · 21/05/2012 23:31

Could you work part-time instead? Then if necessary one day you might be able to increase your hours again. That way you still have that security, and interest of work, but more time to do other stuff.

McHappyPants2012 · 21/05/2012 23:31

What a difficult choice to make.

Kayano · 22/05/2012 00:00

I'd give up work in a heartbeat if I could

Inertia · 22/05/2012 00:07

Go part-time if you can.

I gave up my career because my boss would not allow me to carry on working part time. Am now in a related but much lower-paying (and, to be fair, much much less stressful ) job. Being able to carry on with my previous job part time would have been ideal.

kickassangel · 22/05/2012 00:15

If you didn't have all the other things to do, would you still want to do your job? Are you only giving up work cos you feel you can't cope, or do you dislike the job anyway?

I felt like you, then we moved for dh's work & it took me a couple of years to get back into employment. When I was frazzled & stressed I resented my job, but after not working for a while I realised that I prefer working.

Can you get more help with a cleaner/after school club/childminder etc etc? Or do you actually want to be at home doing all the housewifey things?

my2centsis · 22/05/2012 00:33

If u can afford it Nd want to give it up then do so.

Notsuch what a stuiped thing to say

Tranquilidade · 22/05/2012 00:38

I have a similar imbalance in incomes with my DH. I went part-time so I enjoy the work I do but have had enough time to enjoy all the family stuff.

My DCs are now grown up but I have never regretted giving up full time work for even a minute and think I gained a huge amount of enjoyment from the freedom it gave me.

sugarice · 22/05/2012 07:30

Think very carefully before you leave. I gave up a nice job in a school when my kids were 5,7 and 9 and started work for dh as his secretary [working from home]. He didn't want me to finish as he knew eventually I'd regret it but I was determined, the business was going great, money was fine, etc. Fast forward 7 years I wish I'd stayed.The recession, kids aren't as needy and I can't get back into the schools as I'm basically too old.

GnomeDePlume · 22/05/2012 07:38

We have a similar imbalance except that I am the one who earns 6x what DH earns. I was the one who encouraged DH to get back to work. Not just because his money does add to the family budget but also for the purely selfish reason that I wanted him to take some of the burden of being sole breadwinner off my shoulders.

What does your DH really think?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 22/05/2012 07:56

What is it that you are reluctant to give up?

Is it the earning your own money, or is it the having an interest outside the home?

Is there anything else you would like to give time to like voluntary work for a cause that you care about?

I wouldnt give up without a solid plan, about how money is going to be shared, and about how you are going to fill your time when the dc demand less time from you.

eurochick · 22/05/2012 11:15

I agree with the advice to think about what would happen if your marriage broke down. Everyone thinks it will never happen to them...

loopyluna · 22/05/2012 11:24

Why not? You have young children and a DH who's often away. Take a career break and enjoy being a mum without the added stress of work.
You can always look into voluntary work or something part time if you get bored or start worrying about the future.
I recently went freelance to be able to get a better work life balance (and to be in control of my schedule) and I love the freedom.

Lovelynewboots · 22/05/2012 11:27

I have been a SAHM for a few years now and am looking for work. I don't regret the choice I have made but it has left me years behind in terms of professional development and at the age of 41 I am really scared about going back. There are drawbacks that you do not think about when you make the decision to be a SAHM. Its a lot of fun being a SAHM and very rewarding, but when the kids don't need you so much anymore it can be quite difficult to get yourself back into work at the same sort of level you were at before. Just my experience FWIW.

ArcticLemming · 22/05/2012 11:32

It's not just the marriage breaking down. I was in a similar situation but chose to carry on working part time. I was incredibly glad I had when DH was made redundant and unable to find another job. Still - up to you. Pros and cons to both.

letseatgrandma · 22/05/2012 11:33

Is it a job or a career? Is it something you could easily get back into if you have a few years out?

Dozer · 22/05/2012 11:37

Another vote for PT or (if you dislike your job) retraining / career change.

Would also use some of that money to pay for even more things like cooking, after school care couple of days a week, eg PT after school nanny who can cook!

I personally would never stop working completely: redundancy, illness (not enough for critical illness to pay out, but enough to lose job - have worked in HR and this happens more than people think, probably more so in exec jobs in the private sector), divorce, risk of DH feeling pressure / throwing his weight about as sole breadwinner etc.

MidWeekSlump · 22/05/2012 12:02

I gave up work completely. I know that I would struggle to ever get my career back if I chose to. But it was a decision I made and I do not regret it. Probably a feminists worst nightmare, but it works well. Having someone available all the time for school run/ housey stuff etc means everyone is happier as a result.
Weekends and free time are now just family time as we are never playing catch up with other chores/ jobs to be done as I can get everything done in the week.

You can find ways and means of occupying yourself if you feel you have too much time on your hands. I actually feel sorry for the people who say they could never give up - to me they just lack imagination :o

Original poster
firemansamisnormansdad · 22/05/2012 12:17

Thanks for all your comments - much appreciated. My line of work makes it difficult to get back into after a career break - and as I'm over 40 and in a young person's game, coupled with the recession, if I leave then I'm basically retiring. DH is very supportive but honest. He says (and is probably right) that I would love being SAHM for a year but would be bored after 18 months and then it would be too late. God, money is a dreadful thing. I also feel guilty that there are loads of young kids out there who would love my job and I'm sitting here having a moan about life being too hard.

OP posts:
cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 22/05/2012 14:02

Give up work. I would give up my 'part time' teaching job if I could. Get paid for two and a half days, work 21 hours in school us 9 at home. It's a joke. I yearn to wipe down tables in a tea shop.......

twentyten · 22/05/2012 19:13

Can you plan a new direction using your skills? You could use the time to retrain/ learn? Or line up voluntary work? Your ds's will grow faster than you think.

CremeEggThief · 22/05/2012 19:20

Would you be entitled to a sabbatical or career break? That may be a better option.

minipie · 22/05/2012 19:39

You say your DH is probably right to think you would love it for a year but be bored in 18 months. That says to me, DON'T give up, at least not altogether.

Can you pay for more help at home? Even if you already have a cleaner, can they come in more often to do laundry, tidy up etc as well as just clean. I know couples who are both WOHPs and they have someone who comes in every weekday to help out.

Can you go part time? If your boss is begging you to stay, I bet he/she would consider it seriously rather than lost you altogether.

Can you take a sabbatical? That would help you test out whether you actually like being a SAHM or not.

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