to give details of dd's biological father to the CSA?

[mumofjust1]

Bit of background:

He was a violent, abusive bastard. Did all sorts to me.

DD's dad left when i got pregnant, threatened to make sure i lost the pregnancy, came back after she was born and left 2 weeks before her first christmas. No call, not nothing. left saying he would ring, never saw or heard from him again.

Found him a couple of times, he didn't want to know. Tried to stay in touch with his family for dd's sake, they didnt want to know. so i thought fuck it and gave up after 7 years of practically begging them to acknowledge her.

One day a random girl was outside my house and stopped me. She knew me she said, i didnt know her but she was with dd's dad, had a daughter with him and was pregnant with another one. So dd has 2 half sisters she doesn't know about. He was violent and abusive to her too. Again, tried to keep in touch with her, it didn't happen.

He left her and her girls, hitched up with someone who had 2 kids from a previous relationship, and had another daughter with her. So, 3 mums, 4 kids.

He has never paid me a penny. Never. CSA say he has been ordered to pay me nothing. hes not working or on benefits according to them. He is in arrears almost £14,000

Wanker.

I have just found out that he owns some kind of property services, deals in spanish villas so isn't destitute by any means, but is somehow dodging the CSA.

Do I give them his address, phone number and business details?

Sorry this is a bit of a ramble - shocked and angry in equal measures for various reasons.

Many women think abortion is wrong, or cannot contemplate aborting their own pregnancy. It is misleading to say these women make a "choice" to have a child. They have no real choice.

Well they are the ones having kids "willy nilly" then, if they are not prepared to look at the possibilities. If you don't want a kid and aren't prepared to have an abortion you should be doubling up on contraception, which makes an unplanned pregnancy extremely unlikely.

Samandi How do you know the OPs baby wasn't planned? Mine was, by BOTH of us. It's neither my nor my DSs fault that his dad CHOSE to fuck around while I was pregnant. I would not have contemplated an abortion because my DS was wanted and planned. Even though one parent then changed his mind, he agreed at the time (in fact he was the one that suggested trying for a baby in the first place) so he should be paying towards his upkeep. Also neither myself nor the OP were not to know that our partners at the time were going to go on and father numerous other children with a variety of women. How the hell could we? Jesus wept!

We have done/are doing the best we can with shit situations. Maybe instead of blaming the parent that stuck around to bring up the DC, people on here should spit their venom at the useless shits that left us to it.

Given what he has done to you in the past, no I don't think I would give his details to the CSA.

Yes, he does owe you the money, but unless I was absolutely and completely desperate for the extra money I would not do anything to involve him in either mine or my childs life, just in case claimed access rights or anything as a result of paying the money.

SoftKittyWarmKitty - You're right, I'm not certain it wasn't planned. I was presuming considering that the OP didn't state that it was planned and from statements such as this:

"Outraged, yes, I chose to keep my baby. I knew he didn't want to be involved,"

When a kid is planned by both partners it is somewhat different, and obviously a very difficult situation. Certainly then I would agree that the father should have to pay maintenance.

Also neither myself nor the OP were not to know that our partners at the time were going to go on and father numerous other children with a variety of women. How the hell could we?

The OP states that her partner was violent and abusive. I accept that she was probably in a vulnerable situation at the time, but violent and abusive men often do behave in ways that would be consistent with fathering numerous children with various women.

No-one is "spitting venom" towards the OP btw. And I've already expressed my views on the guy involved.