AIBU to think the Duggars are not actually raising their millions of children

[workshy]

just watching it because there is nothing else on and the parents are always swaning off and leaving the younger kids with the older girl ones

why have so many kids if you aren't going to look after them -older girls being used as childcare and the younger ones not spending time with parents

the mother actually seemed quite flustered when she had to deal with a little one and then said the 'testing' behaviour was ok because the child was in training -WTAF????

I can't bear to look... it sounds like they are raising robots...

they were talking about the 2nd oldest boy getting married last night -he is 21 and the girls said they expected him to wait another couple of years. He has a twin sister and there was absolutely no mention of her getting married!

they also aluded to arranged marriage by saying that the parents and siblings had a major say and would approve the marriage

eh???

YABU octo mums has many kids and her children are not very well behaved at all also

This looking after younger kids thing this is very common place with any one with more that about 2 children

I have read many threads were op is asking weather its ok to leave 12 year old with siblings 5,7 if that's not leaving older child to look after younger than I don't know what is

And when any one is horrified you get all these stories of "when I was young I looked after my 5 sisters while my mum was at work for the whole day " ECt

However I don't think they are terrible parents, the children are well cared for.

Well they may be fed and clothed etc but I think this all depends on your definition of "well cared for". I happen to think a child's emotional needs are just as important as physical, in fact I was on a course last week about emotional neglect and abuse which was an eye opener. Unfortunately unlike bruises and broken bones as a consequence of physical abuse the consequences of emotional abuse are hidden and easier to dismiss.

I have watched this family's series from the start pretty much and when I first starting watching it was called 14 kids and counting and both the parents then were alot more hands on and all the children went everywhere together and I didn't really see much to complain about but since then they have changed and now there are so many children that the parents seem to have lost the handle on things and most of the small kids are left to charge around the house and be looked after by their buddie, also the mother used to set and teach all the homeschooling sessions but now she hands that over to the older children, so now you have kids teaching kids basically, the mother is now in her early fortiessdo hopefully she won't have many more the last two pregnancies have been difficult.

Ma Duggar doesn't seem to ever blink. She creeps me out.

They make such a big deal about protecting their children from corrupting outside influences whilst simultaneously whoring the same children out to reality TV. They are hypocritical if nothing else.

But because we don't know the diggers, and are not sw and only get to see the edit

And I think most of these shows are scripted any way being clean and well behaved is all we have to go on any way the op issue was with

The older kids looking after younger children not what I would advocate but many people do it I often see older primay aged children taking their sibling to school because parents have to work and don't want to pay for a minder

God, I wondered how she did it, if she uses these methods that is awful. I find it so difficult to understand how someone can do this. I know a lot of you have explained why and on a logical level I can understand it, just not on an emotional one if that makes sense.

Mr B, I think there is a big difference from older children helping out sometimes, which is part of being a family, to doing it all the time which it seems to be in this instance.

Well as someone who has more than the statatory two children I certainly do not get the older ones to look after the younger ones. They might be asked to sing an action song to keep the little ones amused as I plate up dinner but thats about it.
They do not parent or act in a parental role at all. They will certainly help a younger one if that younger one asks them. I'm talking about helping with a tricky button or in turning off the tap if the older one is there beside them.

This looking after younger kids thing this is very common place with any one with more that about 2 children

Not in my house it isnt. I have 6 children and this is the reason that I often only have time to eat one meal a day after they are in bed, and have been told off for being dehydrated because I throw away so many cold cups of coffee :o

My eldest does babysit but it was in exchange for his board as he didnt have a job, and my second eldest is paid for it. They help each other out in the same way that my sister and I did with each other but thats it. At no point would I expect the older ones to bath, dress, feed etc the younger ones. They are MY children, I had a choice my children didnt, so it is up to ME to take care of them.

Perhaps their teens can rebel. But the cost is going to be terrible- they will be cut off from the only relationships they have ever been given the chance to form. It bears no comparison to the normal rebellion of teens against their parents: these are people who genuinely believe that rebellion against your parents means allying yourself to the evil one.

I have nothing against a little looking after of younger children by older ones: I spent many happy hours caring for my little brother in one way or another. But that was because I loved him and wanted to, not because I was indoctrinated or not allowed a life outside the family circle.

I don't advocate their methods of discipline at all they sound like they border on child abuse. My Grandmother had 13 children and the older children helped raise the younger ones, it was just something that had to be done. My father views his older sisters and brother almost in the same way he does his parents. The difference is that my Grandmother had no choice re. How many children she had, she had no acess to contraception and the older children helping to raise the younger meant that she could run the household and their small farm, which was a means of feeding the family.

I meant they are not uncared for I guess, like neglected or staved and abused.
I had just read a few horrible stories on the Daily Mail website

The mom has no lines!!! And does anyone else hear at the beginning that she delivers her own babies, or have I got that wrong??

Very creepy though.

yanbu, theres a similar family at my church that has six kids and the baby is always left with the eldest. makes my blood boil

AnyoneforTurps Thank you for that link. Sadly, the right-wing American Christian movements (which Quiverful is the best known) share many ideologies (if not always the family sizes) and are growing in numbers and getting more extreme by the year. I recognise a lot of the elements in those stories, even after being away for almost 9 years.

I left my 18yo DS in charge of his three brothers overnight last weekend so that I could go and see the eldest three DDs at university before the very eldest takes her Finals. I took the littlest daughter with me. I also quite often go out to meetings and leave whichever is the eldest in charge. That's been the case since they were competent. Is that wrong? I don't pay (I do pay for help around the house which is over and above dishwasher emptying level). it seems perfectly naural and sensible and gives the one in charge a sense of responsibilty, I just can't see that it's wrong.

Haven't watched this. But I have a close friend who was basically made to bring up her younger siblings while her mother did not very much. It made her swear to never have kids of her own as she said she feels some of her childhood and all her teenage years were spent basically being a mother.

There is no problem getting kids to help out or do a bit of babysitting. But that is very different from getting 1 or 2 children to basically raise all of the younger ones and IMO is very very unfair on them.

I agree Yellowtip. But you are giving them occassional responsibility to cover specific needs, not constant and unremitting. That's a good thing, part of preparing them for adult life as opposed to the no childhood at all of the Duggar girls.

I quite see that the Duggar version of life is extreme WhereYouLeftIt but I'm a bit taken aback by bogeyface too. I've had eight children for ten years (and come to that six for fifteen) and I think I've barely missed a meal in that time (breakfast, lunch or supper!). And I can't remember ever throwing away cold coffee or tea. bogey it must surely be possible to make your life easier than that?

Maybe it could, by not running my business, paying for a cleaner or a laundry service or having an au pair, but as none of that is a possibility, cold coffee is the price I pay!

No bogey I don't have paid help either but no-one needs to be dehydrated just because they've six kids. That's meant in a good way, not bad.