To not want my daughters' primary school to run a Nail Club (fingernail painting)?

[Bodkin]

It's one of the official after-school clubs. All the girls want to go. It's so popular they've had to limit it to years 5 & 6.

I've nothing against nail varnish, just think it's not a suitable primary school club and the time could be better used.

I would also never have wanted my ds1 to get involved in football, mainly because I had a poor image of football in general, but he loves it and is doing extremely well.

I would never known that if I had said no to football club.

For me as a feminist I don't have the option of living in a commune away from all the commercialisation and sexualisation of capitalism and the shit that women have to endure in our society.

So the best I can hope to do for the girls that come into my care is offer alternatives and take CHARGE of the choices they make.

That is why I would use the nail-painting club as an opportunity for nurture - to try to show a different side to female bonding/female space and try to reclaim the aspects of femininity that they show an interest in.

I would be looking for an opportunity to de-sexualise it - no long fake talons but instead making the best of what they have and looking after their nail beds. But saying NO when they have chosen it is not a long term option. Instead I want to reclaim the aspects of society that have been taken over by patriarchy or the porn industry. For example dd had a razor from 12 years old as she was embarassed about her leg hair for dancing - of course I did the self-esteem stuff with her but I didn't shove it down her neck and I still bought her the razor.

Yes, I would keep them away from it as long as possible and it's not the first after school club I'd encourage or choose but I wouldn't automatically say no if they showed I'd interest - I'd rather look for a healthy way for them to do it.

LaurieFairyCake

I'm a dad. Of girls. At some point they're going to get into all this stuff (they haven't yet).

How can I influence them to see/do it in a healthy way?

I.e. not in a low-self-esteem-poor-body-image way or in a girls-can-only-do-girly-things-maths-is-for-boys way.

"Female bonding / female space" not really an option for me.

Would be interested in your opinion and that of other mumsnetters. Because I think you're right that I can't just keep them away from it indefinitely.

Tbh I doubt they'll even be talking about their nails. There are much more interesting things to talk about when you are nine and have some girlie time. And Stuart you cannot means she does your nails unless you go for the proper glitter look. And you post photos :-)

Obvs meant get your-damn phone!

Had my toenails painted by girlfriend when I was a teenager, sadly the photos are lost...

I hope they were glitter

It stunted my ambition to be an astronaut-scientist-train-driver-mathematician.

Apparently glitter does that

Stuart - feel free to ignore any of my advice that doesn't fit

I keep them away from the worst of it - no daytime tv, no tv after 8 when the crappy reality shows are on, record everything and check it first, no films/dvds for 'older' teenagers.

Control their time and steer them onto emotionally healthy activities that are esteem boosting so that their time is taken up with them - that differs by area but for dd it's scouts, climbing, street dancing, music practise. My aim here is to limit exposure to the crap stuff - not ignore it completely.

Constant open dialogue - it's very easy to criticise eg. 'Your not going out in that!' - instead I say 'that scarf/belt/shoes are nice (always compliment first) but I wonder if that shorts/tights combo is appropriate for this event'?

I don't bother about the small stuff - dd is now allowed to wear subtle make-up at weekends after I helped her with a skin care routine so she doesn't get spots and how to remove it. But I told her that she would be going with the uniform policy at school (no make up) as that's one of the non-negotiables as she signed a contract with the school to adhere to policy.

That's the things I can immediately think of.

What if a boy wanted to join? A junior David Bowie, say?

ds might be interested in a nail art club btw; some of the skills would be easily transferable to customising cars (he and I spend an inordinate amount of time gawping at ludicrous modified motors in fields).

LaurieFairyCake

sounds sensible... knowing how independent oldest daughter is at age 4, I'm not sure how well "I wonder if that shorts/tights combo is appropriate for this event?" will go down when she's 14, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I would be looking for an opportunity to de-sexualise it

I found the recent programme about Goddess worship, very interesting. All of the practices that we assocciate with porn, hair removal, belly/pole dancing, body painting, have been practised by women who were equal in their society and was a part of celebrating an aspect of who they were. They could when needed also become warriors.

The males also had their routines. It was at the approach of Victorian times that things changed, as they had done at the time of burning witches.

I also think that it is time to put forward a different way of life for males, moving away from unnessecary aggression and reclaiming 'feminine grooming'.

The Egyptians/Native Americans didn't paint themselves because of sexualisation. Sometimes you have to widen your thinking

I'm going to try that with my dd laurie thanks.

I don't usually compliment first, maybe they will start us off on a better foot and I can talk to her sensibly about what she is wearing.
Thanks.

JenaiMarr - I'd say let him! Finger nail painting encourages very good fine motor control skills

My friends daughter did manicuring and put it on down as a skill for her Duke of Edinburgh award. They were totally happy with that . so it is usefull and educational

And it included basic hand and arm anatomy, business skills, health and safety diseases and healthy eating. oh and she also painted nails nice colours. and there was a boy on the course and someone with learning difficulties

Thanks Laurie - that's useful :)

I did have a little chortle at the idea that School Nail Club is going to be about looking after your nail beds and hand massage :o

It's going to be run by someone who thinks it's harmless for primary school children to wear make-up and thinks girls should learn the science of skin care instead of proper interesting science.

That's why I'd be sharp-elbowing offering to help

You mean Beauty Science isn't proper science? shit.

It's somewhere between brain surgery and rocket science, I believe.

Stuart, the best advice i can offer is to listen to other opinions but ultimately trust your instincts. Also, know that when the dreaded teenage years arrive you MUST say "you are not going out looking like that" at least once. Have been told that is dad law.