Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my friend instead of my husband?

58 replies

TheUnMember · 18/05/2012 11:49

My brother is getting married soon. We live abroad and didn't think we'd be able to make it because of the cost. I know that he is really tight on numbers and has rowed big time with his inlaws to be about it. The invite arrived yesterday. It says me, husband, daughter, daughter's fiancé. I got all upset because we can't go (until then didn't think I was that bothered). Husband has raided the piggy bank and thinks we could manage 2 tickets, for me and daughter. [happydance]

Would I be unreasonable to ask my friend to come with me in place of my husband? Would it be really cheeky to ask my brother? We don't have the best of relationships and I don't want to upset the apple cart. But at the same time, my friend is closer to me than most of my family and I rarely get to see her since emmigrating. If I don't get to bring her along, I won't get to see her for at least another year :(

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 18/05/2012 11:50

SO you wouldn't take your DD but would ask your friend instead?

McHappyPants2012 · 18/05/2012 11:51

i take it you live out of the uk and your friend lives in the uk

ripsishere · 18/05/2012 11:51

For clarity, is your friend in the country of the wedding or where you live now?
TBH, in either case I think it would be OK since there isn't a 'space' being used.
OTOH, I can't imagine your friend would be intererested in what is essentially a stranger's wedding.

NameChangeaGoGo · 18/05/2012 11:52

I think it's cheeky, if they're tight on numbers to have a complete stranger there would be a bit odd.

Original poster
TheUnMember · 18/05/2012 11:52

Yes friend is in the UK in a different town to the wedding. So they've invited 4 of our and I was hoping for 3 of us to go instead. Me, daughter and friend.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 18/05/2012 11:53

Personally I think YABU.

The invitation is for your family, not your mate. I'd be mightily pissed off if my sibling had brought someone to my wedding who I hadn't invited specifically, and I'd be even more pissed off if my DH wanted to take a friend instead of me, regardless of them emigrating, especially if we were having to scrape together the funds to go in the first place.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/05/2012 11:54

You can't take your friend, that's beyond rude. Why not ask her to meet you nearby and go somewhere else after the wedding, stay an extra day if you can afford it.

sugarice · 18/05/2012 11:54

So do you mean you and your dd going to the wedding and a friend in place of your Husband?

Original poster
TheUnMember · 18/05/2012 11:55

She's not a complete stranger. She's been like my sister for 20 years. Every event I've ever had, birthdays, wedding, holidays etc, she's been there. She's spent Christmases at my parents. By brother knows her, just not particularly well.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 18/05/2012 11:55

YABU and cheeky. Your friend will be a stranger to the bride and groom and she has not been invited to the wedding.

bruxeur · 18/05/2012 11:55

Christ no, are you insane?

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2012 11:56

YABU

If numbers are tight, they might be hoping one or two people can't make it.

Also, they might have a 'reserve' list in mind for say a favourite cousin or friend of their own to fill any places.

Original poster
TheUnMember · 18/05/2012 11:56

*My brother, not 'by brother'

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 18/05/2012 11:56

YA still BU.

If your brother wanted her there, she'd have been invited.

Glitterkitten24 · 18/05/2012 11:58

YABU if numbers are tight, then just you and your daughter go. We had really tight numbers when we married, and id have been cross to have strangers there when I could have invited more people who meant something to me.

Sorry that's not what you want to hear.

NameChangeaGoGo · 18/05/2012 11:59

You're acting like you've been allocated 4 spaces and can dole them out as you see fit, to have your own 'reunion' within your brothers wedding. See your friend separately.

HeadfirstForHalos · 18/05/2012 11:59

YABVU. If your dh and dds fiance can't make it then the bride and groom can use those two spaces to invite people THEY want there.

PurplePidjin · 18/05/2012 11:59

YABU, simply because your friend would be taking up a space that could allocated to someone of the bride and groom's choice.

paddlepie · 18/05/2012 12:00

If they're tight on numbers surely they would rather have one of their own friends/family members there than a stranger? I know you want to catch up with your friend, but don't really think this is the occasion for it. Bit cheeky to your brother. Could you maybe meet your friend the day before or after?

FredFredGeorge · 18/05/2012 12:02

Simply ask your brother when you reply saying only you and DD will be going.

I don't see why you can't see your friend another day though, why fly in for such a short time - go and stay with her another night?

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2012 12:03

Is there a reason you can only see her at the wedding?

Can't you see her the day after or something?

Buckingfiatch · 18/05/2012 12:05

I agree, YABU. If numbers are tight, he will either A) Be relieved that less are coming equalling less money needing to be spent or B) Invite somebody else who they wanted there, but couldn't previously invite.

Surely you can still see your friend for an hour or two before heading back home?

Original poster
TheUnMember · 18/05/2012 12:06

We have to fly for a short time because of other factors not relevant. We have to fly out Friday and return Sunday.

Oh well, guess I'll just have to Skype and see her next year. :(

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/05/2012 12:07

Surely you can fit her in for a couple of hours if it means that much? Confused

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/05/2012 12:09

... and by the same token, if SHE wants to see YOU that much, she can make the effort to fit you in, surely?

Don't be so petulant! Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread