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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im currently sleeping in the dc's bedroom as dp and I haven fallen out of love

36 replies

lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 21:50

When I first met him I was happy go lucky,I now spend my days never going out,curtains permantley closed.

He goes out 3 times a week Im alone with dc's,he works hard that is without doubt, I resent him now as I feel so lonely and im considering whether to call it a day,as he makes no effort and I deserve to be loved so does he.

Advice needed please.

OP posts:
Hassled · 17/05/2012 21:52

My advice is to make an appointment with Relate - preferably together, but alone is fine. It may not help you get back together, but it will help you know what you want.

Have you talked to him about how you feel?

CoteDAzur · 17/05/2012 21:56

Why don't you ever go out?

maddening · 17/05/2012 21:57

is your not going out and keeping the curtains closed down to your dh? Why do you not go out in the day and open your curtains?

Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 21:57

Hassled his mums mum died yesterday,but it has been like this for a while.

OP posts:
maddening · 17/05/2012 21:57

how old are dc?

NeilPearsonsBitOnTheSide · 17/05/2012 21:58

Hi, Never posted before but do you think you may be depressed? Not going out and opening curtains is not generally normal behaviour and maybe this is affecting how you feel about your husband.
If i'm wrong then I apologise.

solidgoldbrass · 17/05/2012 22:00

Is he forbidding you to go out? Is he the one that insists you close the curtains? If so, never mind Relate, you need to get away from him quickly: this is very abusive and peculiar behaviour: you are not an object to be put in a box (and having the curtains closed all day will make you ill).

Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 22:01

CoteDazur I only have my dad to see in the day,everyone works that I know.

Maddening Im the one who closes the curtains.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 22:03

He tells me to go out and get a life ,be happy be the girl he once knew its deeper than that.

Yes im am depressed im lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 22:03

my Dc's are under 7 Maddening.

OP posts:
NeilPearsonsBitOnTheSide · 17/05/2012 22:12

What about having a chat with your GP. Depression is so common and you can feel better from it.

CoteDAzur · 17/05/2012 22:16

Why don't you go out and get a life?

What do your DC do - sit at home with you?

What on earth is with the permanently closed windows?

maddening · 17/05/2012 22:18

if they are at school could you look in to an interest that you could take up - if they are at home then for them as much as for you find mum and toddler groups, go for walks.

you sound depressed - does your dh know how you feel? Can he provide support?

def speak to your gp

def open the curtains and go for a walk at least once a day -daylight is good if you are depressed

Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 22:19

I had a quick chat with GP skimmed over the main issues as I was awaiting test results, I have been feeling a little under the weather recentley.

I did not mention the closed curtains and me sleeping in another room to him?,just said I was not happy and left.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 17/05/2012 22:22

You need to go out. Your children NEED to go out.

Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 22:23

I have been bullied by the neighbours, threatened infront of my dc's had to call police and thats been reason, I have started to close the curtains as they used to swear and be abusive outside my house with my dc's inside.

I dont want to know what they say or do and this is how I deal with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 22:40

Bump

OP posts:
FelixCited · 17/05/2012 22:47

Gosh that sounds awful about your neighbours especially,
no words of wisdom,
but a big hug if you want it
((u))

Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 17/05/2012 22:49

Thanks Felix,its been tough I will admit but it has had a huge effect on me and no doubt the dc's Im just muddling on,thank you though.

OP posts:
FelixCited · 17/05/2012 23:24

It's v hard when you're 'in the thick of it' everything piling on top of you
(been there) I went and talked to a therapist, it was good just to have a neutral person to vent and off load.

Is there someone you could go to?
I broke down cry ing at the doctors and they referred me to someone.

Do talk, it does help x
Best of luck

solidgoldbrass · 18/05/2012 00:01

You need some professional help OP. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but you are not coping right now, please go back to your GP and tell him/her everything.

lovelydogs · 18/05/2012 00:17

Make a list of the things you know you need to do. Slowly start doing them
eg. Go out at least once a day (children to park, shops for tea)
Open curtains
make a record of abuse from neighbours date time etc, report to police (sounds like harrassment)
Work on your own self esteem
Meet a friend once a wek for coffee/chat

HenryKingchewedbitsofstring · 18/05/2012 01:02

You sound like you're having a tough time and depression is a horrible illness. I would echo all the other posters who are suggesting you go back to your gp.

In the meantime, your DP has just suffered a bereavement and is also likely to need a bit of support at the moment (as will your MIL).

It sounds like you're family is going through a stressful time at the moment. I would hold off making decisions about your relationship and focus on your depression.

maddening · 18/05/2012 06:46

Do you rent or own your home? If you rent then just move, you might even be able to get a crisis loan to help if the cost is stopping you. I understand keeping the curtains closed if you are being bullied by the neighbours.

If you own go to the police about the neighbours

Are the children in school?

Original poster
lovehasfallenalongthewayside · 18/05/2012 08:19

One child is at school the other is due to start soon.

We have to all have mediation which im dreading as they have left me alone and I prefer that this will drag it all up again,we rent from a HA.

OP posts: