to think my kids should be happy after school?

[LingDiLong]

I'm sure when I was little I'd skip home merrily from school, chatting away happily to my mother about my day and looking forward to getting home and simply playing with my toys.

So why do my kids greet me with 'what are we doing today?' and then whinging and crying, sometimes even tantruming, when the answer is 'nothing'?

I mean, the 7 year old does a couple of after school activities, the 5 year old does a weekend activity. They both have friends over from time to time. We go to the park if it's nice. I don't make sure their every spare moment is occupied but neither do I keep them cooped up at home day after day. So where am I going wrong? I'm sick to death of being greeted with whingy, miserable faces every day. Oh and it's not hunger - feeding them immediately doesn't help. Is their own home such a miserable, boring place that they'd rather be anywhere else but there?

AI really BU to expect them to come home happily with no expectation of constant exciting activities?

Have you goy my DC's? Same age and everything! I was just moaning to my friend that it would be easier to go to work full time.

Today's society maybe, their expectations are too high.

Tired?

Could take them a snack and lower your expectations of happy/skipping children of days gone by?

Some DC can take a while to adjust from school to home.

My 5yr old is the same. We see my mum every morning before school and yet every afternoon dd asks "can we go and see granny"

When I say no she freaks out

Sorry, missed the bit about them having something to eat.

You mean you don't just switch the TV on then lock yourself in your office?

Not that I would ever do that. :)

Have they come to expect "events" after school?

Mine used to come home, change, have a little snack, do any homework, watch maybe one programme on Children's BBC (as it was then), have tea then play/read etc. for a bit before bed.

Except when they had Beavers/Brownies or whatever.

Maybe if they are always "doing something" they don't know how to entertain themselves - and I don't mean that in a critical way. Just that if kids rely too much on other people providing entertainment they don't learn to amuse themselves?

Certainly long ago when I was at school we sat in rows in silence most of the time. Just mingling at playtime and lunch.

Nowadays with children in groups and the packed curriculum (and many children not behaving as teacher would prefer) it must be pretty wearing.

Could they be dehydrated? Rooms are also properly heated in comparison to my day.

Oh yes, mine is a miserable bugger as well. I get greeted by "whats for tea" then face pulling and much attempting to negotiate an alternative.

I kinda quickly change the subject and ask him what he would like to do when he gets home. He usually comes up with something. God help me if i suggest some homework or reading or practice of his spellings!

If i ask him about his day i get grunts and mumbles.

Ive got used to keeping quiet and waiting till we get home to speak about plans, and i just dont enter into any converstaion what so ever about tea, we are having what we are having...end of conversation.

So you are not the only one!

ParanoidAnnie, I've tried asking my eldest what she thinks everyone else is doing after school, whizzing off to DisneyLand for the evening??!

AgentZigZag, see if they were tired wouldn't they be happy to flop in front of the TV for a bit? Surely a bit of skipping isn't too much to ask...grumble...grumble

OnlyWants, maybe sending her to Granny might be a good idea!

I'm beginning to understand the attraction of Boarding School...

Do they play out? Mine are happy to do that.

Oooh we should swap children. I would love to do something every afternoon but they beg me to let them just come home and be at home. I've even banned telly and they STILL want to come home and potter about doing nothing much.

Jean, oh for a soundproof office.

Salmo, the eldest has 2 activities after school. That's it. We have friends over or they go to a friends every other week at the most. I agree with you about not having them always 'doing something' and have always tried to strike a balance.

Josie, they are supposed to have access to water all the time but are pretty thirsty when they come out. I guess giving them a drink straight away might be worth a try!

Tightwad, nice to know I'm not alone at least.

mine complain about it if we are busy and complain if we are not. They are well fed and watered, just tired and moany for the first 30 minutes after school. I have learned to ignore it and get on with what I am doing in the hope they will one day grow out of it...

Silentboob - please, please could we swap? They sound like my kind of kids!!

Olympia, we live on a busy road unfortunately. I think being able to play out with friends would make a world of difference. And in fairness that's probably why I was skipping home merrily as a child. We lived in a cul-de-sac and were always out playing with friends.

Ah that's a shame!

Reikizen, I think I need to do that. They do eventually simmer down and occupy themselves really well, it's just that initial fuss that drives me mad.

Mine are exact yours too. I think they are other kids chatting about who is going to who's house and they think 'what am I doing?' I also can't believe I bust my gut working nightshifts so I can be there to drop them off and pick them up everyday, and all they want to do is go to afterschool club.

Bakerbelle, mine used to do that when I worked nights 'why can't we go to afterschool club, all my friends go etc'. Now they do go some days and complain about that! But to be fair, now that I work 9-5 I have found I can be in the most foul mood for the first 20-30 minutes after I get home and don't feel better till I've had a cup of coffee and sweet snacks!

Bakerbelle, the ungrateful wretches!

It's a nice day here so I'm planning to take them to the park after school. Cue a long list of gripes: 'Which park? That park?, I don't want to go to that park, I want to go to X park instead. Can Y come with us? Why not?' etc etc until I lose the plot and take them all straight home instead. Sigh.

OP I dare you to ask your mum what you were really like at that age! Having taught both those ages I think school is sensory overload for them and I'm not surprised they go home grumpy. Just stuff them full of food and drink and ignore the whinging. They're grumpy and unsettled in the morning at the start of class too, I think it's just hard for them to adjust for about half an hour or so. It gets better as they get older.

Feeling terribly guilty I left my 2 in homework club once, cue whingeing and moaning etc.....when I got there to pick them up they didn't want to bloody leave.

Silentboob - mine are like yours, they just want to go home and veg when I am feeling all "let's go for a picnic".

I guess you can't win. Phases and stages, mine are a lot more chatty and enjoyable at 9 than they were at 5 or 6 if that helps (and they can walk faster).

Are they happy at school? I only ask because my oldest was like this, and she was getting bullied... changed schools in Y5 and Y3 (DD1 and DD2) and I had a completely different child at the end of the school day.

boschy my dd1 is so happy at school she moans at me when I collect her 'too early' at 3.15... she wants to stay longer . So I get the same whinging because home is apparently very boring . Did someone mention boarding school?

ah then in that case ignore me :o
boarding school or down t'pit then?

Could be just my very strange and I am not quite sure where she comes from I like to blame dh's family daughter