to think my kids should be happy after school?

[LingDiLong]

I'm sure when I was little I'd skip home merrily from school, chatting away happily to my mother about my day and looking forward to getting home and simply playing with my toys.

So why do my kids greet me with 'what are we doing today?' and then whinging and crying, sometimes even tantruming, when the answer is 'nothing'?

I mean, the 7 year old does a couple of after school activities, the 5 year old does a weekend activity. They both have friends over from time to time. We go to the park if it's nice. I don't make sure their every spare moment is occupied but neither do I keep them cooped up at home day after day. So where am I going wrong? I'm sick to death of being greeted with whingy, miserable faces every day. Oh and it's not hunger - feeding them immediately doesn't help. Is their own home such a miserable, boring place that they'd rather be anywhere else but there?

AI really BU to expect them to come home happily with no expectation of constant exciting activities?

Cailin, good point . She'll probably tell a very different tale...

Ladydepp, hopefully it is just a phase. They can be chatty and enjoyable - just not after school.

Boschy, I'd never thought about that but they do seem to genuinely enjoy school, are happy to go in and look forward to it after the holidays. Both seem to have plenty of friends. I will look out for that though.

BabyGiraffes, yes my 5 year old says that sometimes! He's even told me he likes his teacher more than he likes me!!

I find ice lollies help-take longer to eat, like a drink, seen as a treat but 8 rocket lollies for £1.

dd was grumpy when she had friend problems-she'd only talk about it later on in evening though.

The 'How to talk..' book helped when they were moaning eg child says 'why do we have to walk home...' you say 'I know it's a long way, I'd like a flying carpet to take me home, what would you like?'

Is 7 yrold y2? My twins in y2 are doing sats tests every day and finding it challenging.

Weather has been crap recently so all inside-limited space, fractious kids=grumpy kids after school.

If all else fails just comfort yourself with the fact that it is happening all over the country-grumpy kids happen eveerywhere and always have done-my Mum tells me I was worst in the mornings-her and my Dad used to argue over who would wake me up.

My ds and dd start arguing as soon as they are together and spend most of the walk home bickering with each other, which then gets me in a bad mood for when we get home.

This thread has made me feel much better though!

If it's any consolation we just say "dodgy gene pool" when they are being particularly painful and pour large glasses of wine!

boschy I like your style . May adopt that....

Welcome to my world.

Mine are now 10 and 12 and home is so 'boring'. It goes on throughout the holidays too. They do activities after school every night and sport 1 - 2 days each weekend. Family holidays are becoming a major problem. It has to be wall-to-wall activities because just chilling by the pool for a week is just 'boring' after an hour.

Mind you, I remember being 'bored' for most of my early childhood before I went to boarding school - so maybe that the solution.

I can report that mine whinges and the ladies across the road two kids also whinge all the way home. perfectly normal. I did not whinge as was last of four kids and frankly no-one was listening anyway. Had lots of imaginary friends to play with though!

Your're not being unreasonable at all, and if you laugh off their tantrums, you'll teach them a jolly good lesson in how to be resourceful and make some fun for themselves. They have probably picked up expectations from their classmates who have over-scheduled lives or too many entertainment options.

Do you look really pleased to see them?

Try bombarding them with enthusiasm, sometimes DCs will moan if they think stuff is negotiable, just because they can.

Sympathies though, defineme's right. Everyones a bit grouchy atm.

Offer food and drink, if still grumpy and whiny then send to bed and tellthem it's for their own good as they must be tired.

I don't do grumpy adults and am not grumpy myself so absurdly dont allow it in my kids.

Since having dd, I have come to believe quite firmly that everyone has their own set-point for happiness/enthusiasm, and some people are just naturally more easily satisfied than others.

I am blessed in that my dd is almost permanently happy and enthusiastic about virtually everything. She loves going to all sorts of activities but equally loves having time at home. There is no reason for her to be happier than anyone else, and I am not a particularly happy or positive person myself. I don't know where it comes from, but she has been like this since early babyhood.

I guess what I'm saying is that it probably has nothing to do

I blame the schools. They are obviously having such a wonderful and exciting time there that they expect to be entertained and enriched all the time.
Perhaps you are not challenging them enough and they are bored?
Could you think of a range of other activities you could be doing with them at home to enhance their life choices and enable them to find joy in every opportunity?

I'm a teacher.
I've wanted to use that ' Are they bored?' line on parents for ages.
But I'm on the internet, so you can't find me and give me a slap.

I also blame the schools... All that making learning fun! What happened to sitting in rows learning by rote like in my day . If they still had that they'd be happy to come home and just chill...

Ha, FallenCaryatid I've come to the same conclusion myself. A schedule has been drawn up for after school so I no longer have to even answer the cries of 'what are we doing today?'. I shall simply refer them to the schedule. A schedule which includes a small amount of reading/maths etc every day before they earn the right to TV/DS time. A schedule which also includes tidy up time every evening. They simply won't have time to whinge any more. Can you tell they were a nightmare again after school today?!