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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be confused about DDs sex-ed question?

85 replies

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 17/05/2012 18:29

This past two weeks DD has been having the Sex Education talks at school.

She's come back with a few queations regarding periods and the general view that she will adopt any children :o

BUT, today, she has 'the Boy talk' and asked about the voice changing etc. Then she said that someone in the class asked about gay sex. The girl asked specifically how gay men had sex.

The teacher replied that she is not allowed to tell them how gay sex happens and that is something thy have to ask their parents.

Is that right? Are they not allowed to tell the children?

It's not a faith school btw (not that I think that should make a difference tbh)

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 17/05/2012 19:09

I asked her what she thought. She shrugged and looked embarrassed. So I asked her what the difference was between a man and a women. She said "a man has a penis and a lady has a hole to put it in" so I said does a man have any holes....? And she said " yes only his bum ho.....oh" and she pulled a face.

I was put on the spot really so not sure if that was the right thing to say. I will bring it up again when we have more time to talk. I am gla she could ask me though :)

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 17/05/2012 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 17/05/2012 19:11

But it's not just about the biology Sirzy. They are being taught about feelings and relationships too.

OP posts:
TheMonster · 17/05/2012 19:11

What would you have said if she asked how two women had sex?

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 17/05/2012 19:11

Why would anyone be surprise/ worried that an 11 year old would ask?
If sex is assumed to be a normal part of life I would be surprised if they didn't ask.
Why would it be any more ifficult to explain than heterosexual sex?
Ds is getting the talk this tem. He is 9 and goes to special school
Can't say I am looking forward to the questions but that's cos he doesn't ave an off switch or any concept of a 'time and a place'. But that's my problem not his!

GnocchiNineDoors · 17/05/2012 19:12

I wonder if the teacher has been instructed to cover only Puberty and Reproduction. If so, the mechanics of homosexual intercourse do not fall under either of these topics. similarly, anal sex (of either sexuality), oral sex and bisexuality would not be on the agenda,

Therefore I do think it is reasonable for the teacher not to discuss them with the class and instead suggest that they talk to their parents.

As her parent, it (I believe) is your responsibility to answer your DDs questions as and when and how you feel appropriate.

Sirzy · 17/05/2012 19:12

They can be taught about feelings and relationships without being taught about anal sex though. Surely its not hard to see why it may not be an appropriate topic for a lot of 11 year olds?

JesusWept · 17/05/2012 19:12

When mine were at primary school - the parents had a meeting first and we're shown exactly what the children were to be shown. One parent raised the question of contraception and was it going to be covered as it is all well and good showing videos and cartoon clips etc with the "actors having sex" but this does not promote safe sex and whilst these videos put the emphasis on "doing it in loving relationships" this is not always the case. The Head Teacher said it would have to go to the board of governors as whilst we were a CofE school, there were a minority of Catholics attending and of course they do not use contraception. The answer came back as a big fat NO Hmm.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 17/05/2012 19:12

Sorry for bizarre typing

VolvoMo · 17/05/2012 19:13

Sorry to broaden the discussion, but any idea at what age the kids start talking about sex amongst themselves. I have heard estimates as young as seven, and that by eleven many have a basic (often erroneous) understanding.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 17/05/2012 19:16

No. I can't see why anl sex is more problematic than vaginal.
It's unnecessary if we are talking about a bit of experimentation but not in the context of a gay relationship

Littleplasticpeople · 17/05/2012 19:17

Yes Sirzy is right, they are taught a lot about feelings and relationships and in these discussions homosexual relationships are of course included. The only mention of actual sex is in terms of reproduction, therefore anal sex is not covered (hetero or homo).

Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 17/05/2012 19:22

Bodyofeeyore. She just asked :)

I said that for sex to feel good between two people it doesn't have to involve a penis. And that Leabians will use their hands to please each other. I think that's about as far as I'm comfortable explaining to her right now. I don't think she needs to know about oral sex and vibrators.

You'd have thought I'd be more prepared but I think I've been burying my head in the sand! We talked about her body changing and periods etc a while ago but I never put much though into the sex stuff!

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 17/05/2012 19:27

I don't think they are being taught it all in such clear cut boxes though. It's not purely biological and purely relationships stuff. I think they cross over a lot especially when they are trying to teach them to have sex in a loving relationship.

Volvomo I think its discussed quite early on. I knew the basics before her age thinking about it. I don't think I'd say as early as 7 though it must depend on the household etc.

OP posts:
quickhide · 17/05/2012 19:38

I think it's an understandable question- if they have been told about heterosexual sex and they know that some people are gay then it"s a logical thing to ask.

I thought they got rid of section 28?

ragged · 17/05/2012 19:42

It's a bit of a red herring: after all, 2 gay paraplegic men could commit very sexual acts without using their willies. Sex is always more in the mind than in the mechanics of which part fits where.

marshmallowpies · 17/05/2012 19:50

When I had the 'touchy feely' PSE sex talk (as opposed to the biology lesson) we certainly discussed oral sex - I can remember our rather prim PSE teacher mentioning blow jobs to our amazement - although she preferred to abbreviate them to 'BJs'.

However that was in year 10 rather than year 6 or 7 and there was no mention of gay sex - presumably because it was the early 90s and Section 28 was still in force.

gomowthelawn · 17/05/2012 19:50

I suspect that the school has a set curriculum, and follows that to the letter, because if they went off piste and answered all questions there would be a stonking great headline in the press, and a whole raft of AIBUs on MN ranting about it.

balia · 17/05/2012 20:00

I had to cover oral sex rather earlier than I intended with DD who had mistakenly assumed that as the 'special seeds' from the man went into the lady's tummy, the lady must must, therefore, be eating them...

And so she asked what they tasted like.

In the supermarket.

Very loudly.

IAmBooyhoo · 17/05/2012 20:00

i think if this talk was purely about reproduction and an explanation of the purpose of puberty then it is totally acceptable that gay sex wasn't discussed but as they were talking about sex as part of reproduction and feelings/relationships then i think they should include gay sex in that talk. by not doing so it gives the children the idea that gay sex is something to be awkward about or something they aren't allowed to know about. it's only a matter of time before they start feeling that being gay is something that isn't allowed or something that shouldn't be discussed.

NarkedPuffin · 17/05/2012 20:01

Great opportunity to talk about other things and how sex isn't just penis into vagina. That's how babies are made (without involving a lab or a baster) but that's that's not why most people have sex. There are lots of ways to share love and affection with a partner that are enjoyable - from hugging and kissing to things that I'm scared to Google she doesn't need all the details of right now.

meditrina · 17/05/2012 20:22

An experienced teacher would surely have been able to deflect the question much better than appears to have happened here (it's not the first time, and certainly won't be the last that such questions have been asked either from curiosity or from sheer devilry).

But IME, sex for fun is a KS3 (not KS2) topic.

balia · 17/05/2012 23:01

Well, not all teachers can be experienced ones. They all have to start somewhere and teaching sex ed is a challenge, TBH.

The thing is, kids don't limit their curiosity by their key stage and I'm just a little bit offended that heterosexual love is a suitable topic for KS2, whilst homosexual sex is 'for fun' and therefore not suitable.

BertieBotts · 17/05/2012 23:05

Not all gay men have anal sex, there are other things that people do and have perfectly fulfilling sexual relationships. I think the teacher could have said something along the lines that every relationship is different and it's not a case of "X people do X things, Y people do Y things." And then said it was up to her to ask her parents as she didn't really want to go into any more detail.

Firawla · 17/05/2012 23:15

They are in primary school!!!! If the teacher had gone into details with those kind of questions a lot of parents would be quite unhappy with it.
I can't imagine being pleased with that myself (I would be fuming actually i think..)

I don't get how it benefits them to go into all these discussions at this age. Redproduction and puberty - okay, but gay sex, oral etc should not be relevant to their life at 10, 11 years old so not necessary

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