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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give dd1 any money until she has sensibly sorted out her work experience ?

28 replies

TheOriginalNutcracker · 17/05/2012 17:05

She has to sort it as soon as possible, even though it's not until December.

She keeps coming up with ideas and then saying she no longer wants to go there.

I'm not that fussed about where she goes, but I don't want her to be in the position that she ends up going somewhere rubbish because it is the only choice left.

OP posts:
MadamFolly · 17/05/2012 17:06

YANBU, tell her to get it done.

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 17/05/2012 17:11

Thank's

I have suggested loads of things, but she just keeps saying no.

OP posts:
Ithinkitsjustme · 17/05/2012 17:27

Has she got any idea at all about what she would like to do? She does need to get it sorted asap. and I think you are right to not gve any money until she does.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/05/2012 17:28

YANBU.

Something needs to give her an incentive to sort it, and money works well for that! Tell her it's part of the work experience experience. You don't have a job, you don't get paid.

Sirzy · 17/05/2012 17:30

Does she have any ideas of careers she fancies? What subjects doesn't she enjoy?

I think yanbu if that is what is needed to kick her into action

Stuart456 · 17/05/2012 17:35

If she doesn't sort it out and ends up going somewhere dull, isn't that a nice little consequences-of-her-own-actions thing?

Ithinkitsjustme · 17/05/2012 17:37

On the other hand you could arrange something for her, something that she is really going to hate! Then it's up to her whether she decides to get off her backside and organise something she just might enjoy! Doing work experience somewhere incredibly boring is a great incentive to work that bit harder for GCSE's.

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 17/05/2012 17:42

Yeh but i don't fancy two weeks of her stropping if she ends up somewhere dull.

She waned to do dance as a career but she can no longer do this because of a spinal condition. She is having surgery for it and may be able to return to dance afterwards, but it is going to effect her flexibility.

She has discounted hair and beauty places, travel agents, hotels, schools, hospitals, radio stations and many more.

OP posts:
dexter73 · 17/05/2012 17:52

I'm with Stuart - it is up to her to sort it out and tough if she gets something boring.

Stuart456 · 17/05/2012 17:54

I may be stereotyping teenagers here but it sounds like:

  • she'll have a strop anyway,

  • nothing you can think of will be right.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis#Why_Don.27t_You.2FYes_But

To me it seems like a good opportunity to let her make her own mistakes - the worst-case consequence isn't too bad, and she might learn from it.

t0lk13n · 17/05/2012 17:56

I tell the pupils that I deal with if they don`t be proactive then either I choose for them or they do or the third alternative is they work with me for a week! Usually shifts all but the hard core ones! I coordinate W/Exp in my school and have spent every spare moment organising this as careers in W;les have dumped it all on schools with little training and no real notice...only got a few to place before they go out soon. Then a few spare hours to mark all those end of year exams...it is great trying to do two jobs and be paid for 1!!

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 17/05/2012 18:01

I have no said, sort it yourself and dont moan at me when you end up soome rubbish and so far away that you need to be up at the crack of dawn.

I came to this conclusion after she yet again decided to slate me for only being a part time childminder.

It will be interesting to see what happens now.

OP posts:
t0lk13n · 17/05/2012 18:10

Good for you Nutcracker :)

Doilooklikeatourist · 17/05/2012 18:43

I sorted DDs out for her. She's in year 10 and had no idea what she wanted to do , so she's going to the local primary school . She went there for some of her primary schooling and she can walk there ( or she could , until we moved ... So Mums taxi will be needed . Serves me right for being too controlling ! )
DS ( 6th form ) applied to the local council , and after a couple of interviews is in the ICT department .
How old is DD Nutcracker?

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 17/05/2012 20:52

She is 14 and a half.

OP posts:
Stuart456 · 18/05/2012 14:26

TheOriginalNutcracker letting her sort it out for herself - excellent.

If she ends up with something dull then maybe it'll motivate her to work hard at school!

Stuart456 · 18/05/2012 14:28

Doilooklikeatourist suggest you get her to commute by bus/bike/whatever as if it's a real job...

Alternatively, want my mum to drive me to work.

Lizcat · 18/05/2012 14:41

She needs to sort her own work experience out. My business is very popular for work experience and I do not accept requests from parents only from the individual themselves. You do not have to enjoy work experience though of course that helps, it is what you learn about yourself on the work experience that is important. Work experience is really important at worst you can ask them for a reference. At best it can lead to a career, my best work experience student got a job with me and two weeks ago passed her final exams of her professional qualification paid for by the company.
I work extensively with our local education business partnership with

Lizcat · 18/05/2012 14:43

Sorry - pupils about to go on work experience and this is the advice I give them. This year I won our local area's business ambassador award in recognition of my contribution.

Pandemoniaa · 18/05/2012 14:49

You aren't going to please your dd whatever you do from the sounds of it so why not hand over the responsibility to her? That way, at least she can't blame you for not doing whatever it is she can't decide to do!

oopsi · 18/05/2012 15:55

In this area all teh schools do WE at about the same time and the good placements are snapped up quickly.you have to act quickly if you don't want a placement in a school, a shop or similar.The best ones though are usually through parental contacts.

Birdsgottafly · 18/05/2012 16:03

You can assist her by making her draw up a list and go through the pro's and con's, but work experience is a time were they have to start to grow up and take control/responsibility of/for their actions/decisions.

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 18/05/2012 17:37

Well she has now said that her friend's mum works at Toni and Guy, so she is going to see if she can go there.

Last night she had said no to a hair and beauty place, so Hmm

It doesn't help that she doesn't know what she wants to do when she leaves school.

OP posts:
Stuart456 · 18/05/2012 17:39

aha! success!

I think it's normal for kids that age to have no real idea what they want to do when they leave school. Maybe the WE will help her to think about it.