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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that having all girls or all boys is not a duff option?

41 replies

DoILookLikePoshSpice · 17/05/2012 13:54

I have two glorious daughters, and I am due a third baby end of summer. Many people I tell about the pg seem to assume that having a third daughter would be a disappointment. This seems really weird to me, and a bit offensive. Why do so many people think this? Especially when most grown-ups friends from "one of each" families that I know really wish they had grown up with a same-sex soulmate. I'm trying to think of a lighthearted one liner to head off the assumption. But anything I think of just sound like I am protesting too much. Really annoying. Is this one of those situations where you just have to recognise that some people are ignorant and ignore them?

OP posts:

CamperFan · 17/05/2012 13:57

Yes, just ignore!

HeathRobinson · 17/05/2012 13:59

I had this - 'ooh, trying for a boy again' when expecting my third dd.

It's frustrating, because you don't actually want to be rude (most of the time ), but it's hard to find a light reply.

HeathRobinson · 17/05/2012 14:01

Especially when you get the 'they'll be terrible when they're teenagers' crap.
I have 3 teenage dds and they are delightful.

GinPalace · 17/05/2012 14:01

I'm getting this and I'm only expecting dc2! Must be even worse when you are on your 3rd. Everyone keeps saying 'bet you hope it's a girl' (dc1 is boy).

I just say 'I really couldn't give a monkeys' shrug and move on. The frank, flat 'why would I care' attitude combined with a complete disinterest in entering into the justification of it, seems to be convincing enough without being too 'protesty' as you say.

Personally I grew up in a same-sex sibling situation - it was horrid for me. So I genuinely don't think the gender of a child is at all relevant in a sibling dynamic - it's all about personality, I think my little one liner sums that up. :)

randomfennel · 17/05/2012 14:01

I love having 3 of the same. I tend to say, "well, I'm growing my own separatist wimmin-only commune, 70s style".

Which is the sort of thing people could believe of me anyway

Helltotheno · 17/05/2012 14:02

Yes I agree. I have a boy and a girl. Would I have cared whether I had 2 boys or 2 girls? Absolutely not, despite all the comments from people of the 'aren't you glad you had one of each?' type. No actually, I'm just glad I have 2 healthy kids.

Also I don't think it's a desirable thing for a woman to keep having babies until she hits the gender jackpot; actually I feel very sorry for the 'let's keep trying til we have a boy/girl' children who were unfortunate enough not to have been been her gender of choice. And yes I do know plenty of women who did that.

BUT, all that said, I think a woman is permitted to be regretful herself if a son/daughter is something that was really wanted and will never happen.

GinPalace · 17/05/2012 14:02

with a smile, by the way, don't want to frighten anyone!

Aribura · 17/05/2012 14:02

YABU to use "glorious" and "soulmate" in that way.

YANBU about anything else.

BrightnessFalls · 17/05/2012 14:05

Three girls is an absolute joy. My sister has just that and is onto her fourth and, by the fourth, the first thing people say is "you will be wanting a boy then" well actually, she'll be wanting a pregnancy that goes as near to term as she can get it and a baby that is healthy. Meanwhile, I keep keep secretly looking at baby boy clothes

GinPalace · 17/05/2012 14:05

Hell that's a good point. If a parent had been landed with me after hankering after a girl for a long time they would have been immensely disappointed as I was more like a boy until well into my teens anyway. Healthy is definitely the only goal in my mind. :)

Helltotheno · 17/05/2012 14:06

Agree re 'soulmate' any road...

And kids tend to grow up no matter what wanting what they didn't have so that point is moot really!

lou2321 · 17/05/2012 14:06

This does really annoy me, I have two DS and when I was pregnant I would have like a girl but now I have them I love the fact that they play together so well and like the same things.

I always remember as child never wanting a brother (I have 1 brother) but really wanting a sister. They will probably never want a sister and will love having each other growing up.

I always wanted a girl - until I had boys and I know many people who feel the same (same vice verse as well ie having 2 girls)

AberdeenAgnes · 17/05/2012 14:08

YANBU. I've got 2 dds and would really like a third DD. Would be equally happy with a boy (though would take me a bit longer to get my head around)

This is one of the things that puts me off having another baby though - twatty comments which, yes, are easy to ignore but are ultimately a bit insulting.

Original poster

DoILookLikePoshSpice · 17/05/2012 14:09

Chuckling about the "soulmate" comments. Must be the pregnancy or listening to Magic too much.

OP posts:

Original poster

DoILookLikePoshSpice · 17/05/2012 14:11

That's Magic FM, by the way. In case anyone was thinking otherwise.

OP posts:

sugarice · 17/05/2012 14:14

It's surprising how many people think it's okay to say something stupid regarding same sex offspring. After we had our third boy, it was "ooh a house full of boys, what a nightmare" and "you'll never get a minute's peace you know" plus "aren't you upset it's another boy" . Utter bollocks of course, just ignore the ignorant arse's.

deleting · 17/05/2012 14:15

It's very annoying when people presume you think the same as them, whatever the subject is. Sometimes though it's just something to say or they think they're being clever second guessing. I suppose lots of people think that if you're going to have a few dcs, it might be nice to have some variety, but really it's such a personal thing and you just can't presume.

Jenny70 · 17/05/2012 14:20

Q: "Trying for a boy/girl this time?"

Serious answer: "No, we will be so thankful if baby is healthy, that's what important after all."

Quip "I was hoping for a puppy, but the scan wasn't conclusive."
(or variations on this theme).

A friends DH used to reply "As long as it's white"

gnomeland · 17/05/2012 14:22

I have 2 DS and am not planning any more. I've lost count of the number of people who have said 'ooh, but wouldn't you like a girl?'

My standard response is either
'lord no, I can't do plaits', or 'No, I'm hoping DS2 is gay'

DrowninginDuplo · 17/05/2012 14:29

My standard was "what? And waste all those hand me downs - no thank you".

i realise people are just making conversation, but it seemed to me that people were saying ds2 was in some way a disappointed and I found that extremely offensive (but did at least manage to bite my tongue).

happywheezer · 17/05/2012 14:30

I have two DS's. I am actually hoping one of them is actually is gay.

What hads got my goat this week is, my Dh cousin has had her 2nd baby a boy ,after a girl.
The amount of people who have said" I'm glad because Dh has a son" and "one of each, isn't that nice"

That is offensive in it's self and unfair. The idea that women breed for men.
It maybe more difficult growing up because you have one of each, time divided and all that.

Children are gorgeous regardless of what you have

billsmill · 17/05/2012 14:33

I really like same sibling families, it makes it a lot easier to pass clothes down!
Have 2 dd's, would love a third.

FioFio · 17/05/2012 14:33

I found it just as hurtful when i had my second and it was the opposite sex and people were snidey with the 'oh you have the perfect family now' comments :( especially as my eldest was disabled. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with people

wordfactory · 17/05/2012 14:33

Whenever I tell people I have mixed sex twins they beam like I won the lottery.

To be honest when I was carrying them, I wouldn't have minded at all if it had been two girls. I must admit though that I was very worried about having two boys, I don't know why. I think the otherness of boys was a worry, and the htought of getting two togehter bothered me.

VolvoMo · 17/05/2012 14:34

Yes ignore them completely. Your preference on gender are completely your own. But it's a mistake to feel slight offended by it, most people are probably just trying to make light conversation, and couldn't really care less the gender of your third child. Three girls sounds delightful.

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