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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

was i U?

51 replies

gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 11:37

there are 8 of us at work, and today was one of the womens birthday, i took in some cakes for her, and a card.
another of the women(A) saw the cakes and said, ''oh can i have one?''
this was before bithday woman(B) had come in, so i said no. they are for birthday girl.
there is a bit of an issue with A thinking she is funny and doing childish and annoying things to everyone, but mostly to B. B is a bit of a grumpy one, but generally a nice woman.A does things like hides her bag, or if a man comes in the room embarresses B by making comments about her needing looked at, or taking the piss out of her accent. ( i would say bullying, but maybe others see it as joking)
so A says, oh why did yuo make her cakes, she is always in a bad mood, she probablly wont care that you made them anyway. When its my birthday what are you gonna make me?
i ignored her and then B comes in, i give her the cakes and card, she says a really heartfelt thankyou. ( i know she is a single mum who has no local family, and i know how lonely that can be on your birthday, so i knew she would like someone to have done something just for her.)
A then says to B, well that was nice of gummie, bet no-one else cares about you enough to give you anything.
B looked mortified and i lost it with A. i pulled her on her childish bullying and nasty comments, and made sure i put in that there was no way i would be making anything for her birthday as i thought she was a nasty little cow. so now A is crying and tbf i dont give a shit. she is mouthing off about putting in a compalint.
should i have kept my trap shut?

OP posts:

cuttingpicassostoenails · 17/05/2012 11:41

No. It needed nipping the bud and you did it. Well done.

BuntyPenfold · 17/05/2012 11:42

Oh dear! Crikey, what a mess.
A is a bully.
B is mortified.
You were in the right, but losing your temper makes it look the other way around if she complains.

I used to work with a lazy dirty bully, but she was very crafty at turning the tables by crying loudly too and saying she was being bullied.

BuntyPenfold · 17/05/2012 11:43

I think you were right to defend person B.

ElizabethPonsonby · 17/05/2012 11:43

Well done!!

Ithinkitsjustme · 17/05/2012 11:43

Good for you. Just keep an eye on the situation and make sure that she doesn't take it out on B. I doubt she'll target you!

pinkpyjamas · 17/05/2012 11:44

Well done for standing up to this bully.
She would be very stupid to put in a complaint - once you are asked about your version of events, and your other colleagues are too, it will become clear that this woman is behaving unprofessionally.

Original poster

gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 11:44

I didnt go all shouty and loon, but i told her with on very real terms just how much of a childish bullying madam she was being and that she should learn to keep her thougts to herself when everything that she seems to say to people is nasty or judegmental.

OP posts:

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 17/05/2012 11:44

If anything is done just tell the truth. She has been bullying b, and you stood up to her.

Softlysoftly · 17/05/2012 11:45

You were right apart from losing it, you probably should have pulled her aside and told her she's a bitch in private.

IAmBooyhoo · 17/05/2012 11:45

IMO you were in the right. i would have found it hard to have held my tongue in your shoes. however. would others be willing to confirm what you say about a bullying b if it comes down to it? she souds like the type to put in a complaint and wage a bit of a vendetta against you so in your shoes i would be expecting a rough ride for a while.

Original poster

gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 11:45

we all work the same hours, so i will keep an eye to make sure she doesnt try to take it out on B. B by the way is MORE than capable fo holding her own, but A manages to make snidey remarks all the time.

OP posts:

BassaiDai · 17/05/2012 11:46

oh how lovely for b to have you as a friend.

Please come work with me.

Well done you.
Def not U!

squeakytoy · 17/05/2012 11:46

Threads like this just confirm to me that working in an office with a bunch of women is hell, and the best choice I ever made was to work in a male dominated career.

savoycabbage · 17/05/2012 11:47

I would have done the same as you. I can't imagine hiding someone's bag! Since I left school anyway. What a cow she sounds.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 17/05/2012 11:47

Good for you.

Original poster

gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 11:47

well i know B has spoken to the manager about 2 things before and A was pulled in, so they have it on record that there is an issue.
i know B would back me if A makes a complaint, and im pretty sure that the 3 women she annoyed last week have run out of paitence with her. i know this because when they came in and saw her crying they asked what had happended than walked away from her to say happy birthday to B. there was no 'looking after' her.

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 17/05/2012 11:48

I doubt she'll be stupid enough to complain about you! Ideally, you'd have said what you did more calmly, but hey ho. Girl A sounds really nasty - tbh I'd be tempted to go to your boss now - whether she does or not - and tell them yourself. Not even a formal complaint, just explaining that you snapped and it made you realise just how bad the bullying is, and you want advice how to handle it. So get your story in without making a complaint! Tbh, commenting that someone 'needs looking at' when a man is there is AWFUL behaviour, way way beyond a joke, I'd expect her arse in a disciplinary meeting over that alone.

Kewcumber · 17/05/2012 11:49

"or if a man comes in the room embarresses B by making comments "

How old is she? 9?

Noqontrol · 17/05/2012 11:49

Good for you op. absolutely. A might feel upset, but she's clearly never stopped to think how B feels when A is bullying her.

BuntyPenfold · 17/05/2012 11:49

We had a cook at school who thought she was funny and hid things, bags and coats and so on.
Once she hid someones car keys and they walked home several miles, to get the spare key.
Nothing was ever done about her.

So well done you.

mumofjust1 · 17/05/2012 11:50

Yanbu - well done!! She sounds like a right cow - people like that can give it but not take it.

Good for you putting her in her place!

Cluffyfunt · 17/05/2012 11:51

Ywnbu

Can you be my kick-ass friend?

Proffers

xxmush1983xx · 17/05/2012 11:53

Well done! I don't know if maybe having a word with your boss before she does would help? Before she gets in with her "poor me"?

PurplePidjin · 17/05/2012 11:53

I've said it before, i'll say it again:

Banter. The polite name for Being A Cunt

Original poster

gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 11:54

just pointing out, i didnt shout, or swear. when i say lost it i mean i went for the jugular, ( not physically!!) but she stood there looking like she was shocked that someone was pulling her up on her behaviour. i was not nasty or in her face, but i may have pulled her behaviour to bits.

OP posts:

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