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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was i U?

51 replies

gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 11:37

there are 8 of us at work, and today was one of the womens birthday, i took in some cakes for her, and a card.
another of the women(A) saw the cakes and said, ''oh can i have one?''
this was before bithday woman(B) had come in, so i said no. they are for birthday girl.
there is a bit of an issue with A thinking she is funny and doing childish and annoying things to everyone, but mostly to B. B is a bit of a grumpy one, but generally a nice woman.A does things like hides her bag, or if a man comes in the room embarresses B by making comments about her needing looked at, or taking the piss out of her accent. ( i would say bullying, but maybe others see it as joking)
so A says, oh why did yuo make her cakes, she is always in a bad mood, she probablly wont care that you made them anyway. When its my birthday what are you gonna make me?
i ignored her and then B comes in, i give her the cakes and card, she says a really heartfelt thankyou. ( i know she is a single mum who has no local family, and i know how lonely that can be on your birthday, so i knew she would like someone to have done something just for her.)
A then says to B, well that was nice of gummie, bet no-one else cares about you enough to give you anything.
B looked mortified and i lost it with A. i pulled her on her childish bullying and nasty comments, and made sure i put in that there was no way i would be making anything for her birthday as i thought she was a nasty little cow. so now A is crying and tbf i dont give a shit. she is mouthing off about putting in a compalint.
should i have kept my trap shut?

OP posts:
Ithinkitsjustme · 17/05/2012 11:54

Maybe it might be an idea to take her to one side now and say that you don't think she realises how she comes across sometimes and that as you are in a restricted environment it wold be good if you could all start over without bad feeling but that she needs to rethink how she interacts with others. I've done it in the past and things have improved.

IAmNotACowbag · 17/05/2012 11:57

YWNBU I applaud you speaking up. This woman sounds vile and needed telling that she was being inappropriate, you have plenty to say if you are hauled into any offices due to a complaint.

How lovely you were to your other colleague too Thanks

crazyspaniel · 17/05/2012 11:58

Like Kewcumber, I am wondering how old she is? I find it hard to believe that people can reach adulthood and still behave like this.

Hullygully · 17/05/2012 11:59

well done, and wot ithink says^

DeWe · 17/05/2012 12:02

She said "no one would care enough" on person B and now she's crying Shock What a horrible person. That is definitely bullying. Please tell management before it escalates.

QuintessentialShadows · 17/05/2012 12:03

Well done.

I am not sure, but the comments A is making about B when a man enters the room, could this be interpreted as sexual harassment?

It must be so embarrassing for all of you and really harm the working atmosphere when A does that. Is there an HR department you could have a word with about that?

sugarice · 17/05/2012 12:04

She sounds vile and well done for putting her in her place. I too would speak to the Manager and explain the situation.

chrome · 17/05/2012 12:07

My dear friend was subject to this kind of workplace bullying, what the bully didn't appreciate was that my friend has lifelong depression due in part to an under active thyroid, this low level but constant undermining of friend's self worth led to a major relapse and dear friend is now off on the sick due to self harm. There are no words for how I feel about bullies.

ErikNorseman · 17/05/2012 12:11

Am I the only one who wonders where your manager is in this?
Op you need to go and speak to your manager now. This needs putting on record and if you have a hr dept they may need to be involved.

samandi · 17/05/2012 12:14

Jesus. Is this the school yard? You did the right thing. A is a loon.

Threads like this just confirm to me that working in an office with a bunch of women is hell, and the best choice I ever made was to work in a male dominated career.

Yes, because all female dominated environments are just like this ... strange that I've never worked in one.

LaurieFairyCake · 17/05/2012 12:23

OP you did exactly the right thing.

This isn't just a female thing Hmm - I was horribly harassed and undermined by male colleagues with the whole thing disguised as 'joke' - someone put a cat turd in my desk drawer once.

I didn't find it funny and when I unofficially told my manager as I wanted to make it official she said "You do realise they won't talk to you again in the office and it will be awful for you" Hmm

Original poster
gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 14:02

well A decided to play martar for the remainder of our shift, and everyone seems to agree she was being an arse. she got away with nothing for the rest of the time.
B said,'' im making tea, anyone want one?'', a couple of us say ''yes please'', A says ''i want coffee''
B says, ''well then be poliet and ask nicely or get up and make one for yourself.''
i honestly nearly fell off my chair laughing at the face on her.

A is the youngest of us by about 6 yrs, but has been in this job longer than the rest of us, im the newest member of the team. i think she has got away with it becuase everyone just kindof got used to it.

the manager runs our setting and 3 others at the same time, so isnt with us most the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 14:02

Laurie, what did you do?

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 17/05/2012 14:06
Original poster
gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 14:12

Purple, i could honestly have kissed her!!
altho A seems to be totally preoccipied with calling any female who shows any physical emotion to another female a lesbian.
B did me a favour one day and i gave her a hug to say thanks, A seems and says, ''oh get you two,I didnt know you were a lezza Gummy. have to keep an eye on you both, im gonna tell gummys husband. ill be careful she doesnt try it on with with me.''
i told her there was no way id go near her with someone elses body so she didnt need to worry id want her at any point in this lifetime.
she seemed put out...

OP posts:
more · 17/05/2012 14:14

I would advise you to talk to your manager about it. Also be careful that neither of you start behaving like A has been.
Well done you for standing up for your colleague.

PurplePidjin · 17/05/2012 14:24

''oh get you two,I didnt know you were a lezza Gummy. have to keep an eye on you both, im gonna tell gummys husband. ill be careful she doesnt try it on with with me.''

That is blatant homophobic discrimination Shock and could be grounds for a disciplinary!

Original poster
gummiebearfan · 17/05/2012 14:27

ive just emailed the manager, he should be in with us tomorrow, just informing him of the issue today and that i want it put on record.
more, i was totally professional and poliet to her for the rest of the shift. i wouldnt stoop to her level.

OP posts:
sugarice · 17/05/2012 14:28

She is a bloody idiot by the sounds of it and very immature. "I want coffee", how rude!

Callisto · 17/05/2012 14:34

It is things like this that make me so grateful I work on my own from home. I couldn't abide that sort of thing and Gummy, I think you (and B) are brilliant for standing up to A's bullying horrible behaviour.

Get0rfMoiLand · 17/05/2012 14:37

Good god.

Well done, it sounds awful to work with such an immature idiot.

manicbmc · 17/05/2012 14:39

A sounds like such a charmer Hmm

Good for you for standing up to this immature woman.

rarebreed · 17/05/2012 15:06

Good for you!

GinPalace · 17/05/2012 15:15

Brilliant thing to do Gummie

Hooray for woman A getting put back in her box - she sounds like a PITA and finally she is getting away with it no longer. I am also cheered that she isn't one of those PITA's that attract a cluster of supporters so you and woman B are not now finding yourselves back-to-back against the others. Seems everyone has the measure of her and if that is the case I would like to bet the managers do too and you therefore are in no danger of repercussions.

What you did is exactly the type of thing I would do and wish more people would. Whether woman B is capable of defending or no, she shouldn't have to, so it is good that she had it demonstrated others also don't find these 'jokes' funny.

Bet she went home from work feeling really chuffed with your friendship. Cakes and a champion.

Well done.

glenthebattleostrich · 17/05/2012 15:40

Gummie, i think I love you (in a non lesbian way just in case A gets wind, although after a few glasses of wine you never know!!!)

You sound like a brilliant friend and I hope your manager points out to A that she is being a bitch and needs to grow up.