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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP whinging that I go to cinema with my friend rather than him

53 replies

Choks · 16/05/2012 22:17

DP only ever gets to go to the cinema if I go with him. Therefore I feel responsible if he "misses" films. We've been to see quite a few things these past few months but sometimes I like a girly night at the cinema with my friend too and other times I like to take the kids (DP and I don't live together).

dp has just said he's off work next wednesday so we can go to cinema then to see Dark Shadows or Dictator. I said I'd already made plans to take DS to see avengers. He said "well when can WE go then? don't know how much longer dark shadows will be on, I don't want to miss it" Hmm so I said "well actually, I told my friend I'd go and see that with her" his response to this was "but you went to see American Pie with her!" Hmm yes I remember!

So he's saying "well what can WE go and see then??" so I said we can see Dictator. He wants to go one day next week despite knowing I'm going twice next week already.

AIBU here?? It's not my fault he has nobody else to go with, surely I shouldn't have to go to cinema just because he wants to all the time?? it's not that i don't spend any time with him either btw, we're going away for the whole weekend this weekend, other weekends we often stay at each others houses, coffees during the week etc but I do like to see my friend's too!!

AIBU/

OP posts:
bruffin · 16/05/2012 22:48

I wouldn't go alone, don't know why though but most of the cinema aren't easy to get to without a car and I don't drive.
However Dh has a cineworld card and goes at least every week, its £15 a month and you could go every day, all day if you want.

2rebecca · 16/05/2012 22:49

With films being as expensive as they are I'd tell the female friend concerned that unless it's a film you want to see you'd rather go out for a meal or a drink. Life is too short to sit in the dark watching crap films.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 16/05/2012 22:50

My dh has been alone a few times.

I find the vast majority of films exceptionally dull so only go to the cinema occasionally. If there's theres something he wants to see, it's just the easiest option, and it means he doesn't waste the time he gets with his friends in the cinema.

BertieBotts · 16/05/2012 22:51

I love going to the cinema alone! :)

On this thing, if the issue isn't babysitters, then why can't he just come with you and your friend if he wants to see the film?

If he literally never does anything without you and/or gets huffy when you want to go out without him, I'd be seriously concerned. That's a red flag right there, and overdependence isn't the most attractive trait, is it?

OhTheConfusion · 16/05/2012 22:54

YANBU, he needs to embrace the cinema alone!

When I was was pregnant with DC3 I cut back my hrs at work due to ill health. DH bought me a cineworld pass (£14.99 a month) and I went along once (or twice) a week to see an afternoon showing by myself. It was bliss!

I still have it now and take the little one along to the parent and baby showings :)

BertieBotts · 16/05/2012 22:54

Also, don't feel responsible for his social life. It's his own fault if he won't get off his arse and go places by himself, or get his own friends. Why should he sponge friends off you all the time? Sounds controlling and/or insecure (in a bad way) to me.

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/05/2012 22:56

"DP only ever gets to go to the cinema if I go with him. Therefore I feel responsible if he "misses" films."
Why on earth would YOU feel responsible for that? He could either -

  • go alone
  • go with his friend/s (he does have some, presumably?)
  • wait for the DVD to come out, it's not that long these days
Horsetowater · 16/05/2012 23:03

I realised many years ago that when it comes to music, films and art, we don't have a lot in common. So I go to see stuff with my friends and he sees stuff with his. But I would be gutted if he went to see things that I wanted to see without me. Perhaps that's the issue? Is your friend single - does she have a man with unfulfilled cinema needs at home too? Perhaps you could get them together?

undercoverPrincess · 16/05/2012 23:05

OMG you are dating my ex!!!! :D

ifancyashandy · 16/05/2012 23:15

The cinema on yourselves own is on one of lifes greatest, most under rated pleasures. I adore it. I go and see the films none of my mates want to see or I spend an afternoon there on days off. Total bliss.

Encourage him to go on his own.

samandi · 17/05/2012 09:34

I really don't understand these people that are incapable of going to the cinema by themselves. It's not your responsibility at all. Having said that, wouldn't it be nice to go together once in awhile?

samandi · 17/05/2012 09:37

It's not much fun going to the cinema by yourself though.

Why not? Confused You're watching the same film whether by yourself or with someone else. I actually prefer it in some ways as you don't have to worry about the other person talking/not enjoying themselves/stealing your popcorn etc.

samandi · 17/05/2012 09:39

*Who are all these people who frequent the cinema alone?

I couldn't do it. I'd be too shy.*

What, to buy a ticket, then go and find a seat and sit in darkness watching a film for a couple of hours?? Why on earth do you need to be particularly outgoing to do that?

Bizarre.

ShutUpMeg · 17/05/2012 09:41

To be fair, if someone was sat in the cinema on their own when I was there I would definitely launch popcorn at them and shout "loser" or "Billy No Mates" throughout the film. It would ruin the entire film for everyone which would be a bit selfish of the lone cinema goer.

Iwantcandy · 17/05/2012 09:41

I can see your dp's point. Dh and I love films and cinema and going for a meal or drink to discuss them afterwards. He's fine if I go with a friend but I get (unreasonably) upset if he sees something without me as it's something we really enjoy together. You should just agree in advance which will be joint films and which won't.

Oogaballoo · 17/05/2012 09:45

"He just won't go by himself, he won't do anything without me. "

Oh dear.

If it's really the case that he won't do anything without you, not just the cinema, then that isn't really very healthy. It's over-dependent and puts pressure on you. Does he have many friends that he sees?

Ragwort · 17/05/2012 09:49

He sounds very needy and clingy, how old is he - 14 Grin? I would be put off by someone who didn't have their own friends/social life/hobbies.

How long have you known him? Is the relationship going anywhere?

Hullygully · 17/05/2012 09:51

Um

Surely there are more than three films on at any one time?

Hullygully · 17/05/2012 09:51

yy

Is he 13?

PandaWatch · 17/05/2012 10:17

If you were my DP I would be Hmm that I told you I wanted to see I film and you told me you were going to see it with a friend and I couldn't come.

I think you're being a bit mean. What if you went for dinner/drinks with your friend before or after with your friend and he just came to see the film with you?

PandaWatch · 17/05/2012 10:18

Excuse typos!

JayelleBee · 17/05/2012 10:45

DesperatelySeeking when you go to the cinema, just pay for the tickets, and check for online BOGOF first. I always take my own drinks and snacks. I even go so far as to make popcorn and bring it in if I'm with the kids. If I'm going with DH we take our own alcoholic drinks, and usually go to the independent cinema which is much more civilised.

Apart from the snacks at Cineworld being very expensive, you miss the start of the film waiting in the huge and very slow queue to get them.

OxfordBags · 17/05/2012 11:11

I prefer to go to the cinema alone. Ifancyashandy summed up perfectly why it's fab. I cannot comprehend how sitting alone in the dark in a space where you're not supposed to engage with anyone else could possibly make someone feel shy. That should be shyness heaven, surely?!

But the main issue here, OP, is your DP's immaturity and clinginess. It really does read like the problem from a teen magazine. If he 'can't' do anything without you then he needs to work on some big issues and if he refuses to do anything without you, then he is v controlling.

dexter73 · 17/05/2012 12:17

samandi - it was me that wrote that it isn't much fun going to the cinema on your own. I would go on my own if I had to but it is much nicer to go with someone. My dh and I decide which trailers we like the look of and would like to see in the future. We don't talk during the film but will often give each other a squeeze or a stroke. When the film has ended we talk about it and that is what I like about going with someone else, it is a shared experience.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 17/05/2012 12:54

Choks....my DH can be like this, its very annoying! If I have a girlie night that means a girlie night and he aint invited so no, dont invite him along.

My DH likes to try a guilt trip on ocassionally. Say we are both invited out, sometimes he doesnt want to go but then he may have a little moan at me for going out and leaving him alone......it gets right on my pip!!

I love seeing my friends but DH says he is happy with just me and DS.....very suffocating I have to say but I dont pander to him, fuck that !

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