To get really irritated when DP takes forever to understand something??

[ShutUpMeg]

DP: "did you get a response to that email?"
me: "just an automated one"
DP: "an email to confirm?"
me: "an automated email"
DP: "did they confirm they'd received it?"
me: "no they just sent an automated email!!"
DP: "and did that confirm it?"

Jesus H Christ!!!

another example -

DP: "What are you doing wednesday?"
me: "working then going to cinema"
DP: "so is it your day off?"
me: "err no, I just said I'm working"
DP: "so you're not going to cinema?"
me: "yes!! after work!!"
DP: "oh I see! so you're leaving cinema until next week?"

wtf??? am I speaking in another language? is he TRYING to piss me off by playing on my general lack of tolerance??

Al,

I say this purely in the interests of furthering human love and understanding.

Sometimes people post little jokey moans about their dp or dc or anyone and it really isn't more than that. It doesn't mean they think they are thick or hate them or think they are beneath them, it's just a litle jokey whinge.

You are making it into something it isn't. Honest.

Wow, aren't we all having fun?

For the record, I am probably the most intolerant person I know. I can also be a bitch - but I'm very honest!

(((backs out slowly and watches everyone launch weapons at each other)))

the first one you were being very unreasonable.

I had a similar conversation with a customer service person once, though to be fair he was much more sarcastic and I complained. I very, very rarely do that to people in customer service as I realise how much hard work it is but he was just taking the piss. And so were you.

I am wading in to tell you all that I too have a fucking problem

My problem is DH and his general incapacity to do anything when not working. It's not confined just to listening. He had a DOING problem too.

Cases in point:

Standing in front of hob, staring
Him - "umm, how do I turn the back ring on?"
Me - "I'm fairly confident the answer lies in the dial in front of you with "Rear Right" written on it

Me - "can you get DS ready for bed"
Him - like I've just asked him to assemble a particle collider, not brush his child's teeth and put his PJ's on

Me - "DS is a little bit weepy this evening"
Him - "Why?"
Me - "I think he's tired"
Him - "Yes, but why is he weepy?"
Me - "He's tired"
Him - "I know, you've told me, but why is he WEEPY?"
Me - "HE IS WEEPY BECAUSE HE IS TIRED FFS!!!!!"
Him - "Oh, I didn't know tiredness made him weepy"
Me - "Have you actually ever MET our 4 year old?"

OP, YANBU

soz, shot self after ethel

Jesus christ Nowaytohow - I would be feeling violent by the end of that!!

My mother does the not understanding, going round in circles conversation thing. She only does it to my dad though - it's a nasty PA thing designed to make him look like he's stupid. She does this fake laugh thing as if she can't believe how silly he's being .

It's quite nasty. I'm surprised he hasn't snapped yet .

@scrambled yes that's exactly why I think the first one was unreasonable.

the second convo, he wasn't listening.

Oh I can totally empathise, OP.

I had it much worse with my dh (with general everyday things he is a lazy thinker), it was becoming worse each year, then I wondered - what if we only have so many breaths in our lifetime, and I was wasting mine by explaining myself and situations over and over to him.

So I stopped. I refused to keep on thinking for him. If he doesn't get it the first/second time around now, I just leave him to it.
It takes more than a few attempts to not want to throttle give in but I can tell you it works beautifully now

Fwiw, I have oodles of patience when helping others. I don't use this tactic with anyone else, just my lovable dh.

See, it's not lack of understanding in our house, it's lack of response.

Me: Okay, I've booked us six house viewings over the next few days.
DH:
Me: Do you want to hear about them?
DH:
Me: House viewings, dear? Would you like more info about where and when?
DH:
Me: (getting desperate) I had the baby, it's in a box over there in the corner.
DH: (hurt and confused) There's no need to get funny, I heard you perfectly well.
Me: Well, why didn't you answer, then?
DH: I was formulating a response. I didn't know I was expected to answer instantly!
Me: You know, a grunt of acknowledgement would have let me know you'd heard me and were thinking about what I'd said.
DH: Oh, FFS, not this again. What was it you wanted, again?

But he's good in a crisis as long as he notices it happening and has many other excellent and endearing traits, so he gets to live.

opernerofjars, I can see how annoying that must be for you but are you aware your post read like a comedy sketch? Very funny!

It is funny, afterwards, in a Fawlty Towers kind of a way (he is probably the Sibyl to my Basil as I am usually the one with steam coming out of my ears, although I am nice to waiters and don't break things in frustration).

@hully why, what is unacceptable about my post?

Because you said she was taking the piss

Men have a filter on. Anything you're still telling them after 5 minutes must be important, but otherwise it's just stuff that doesn't matter.

Wow, my DP must have been cloned!

He tries to tell me its because he has such important stuff going round his head but I think different.

Example, bedtime, late

Me: Can you get DS some pj's while I get his bedtime snack?

DP: Yes, no probs.

Come back with snack, both still sitting watching TV, DS in boxers with pjs beside him.

So now its "can you get DS some pj's and put them on him before I come back upstairs*"

Aargh!!!

Agree that openerofjars does sound like Fawlty Towers comedy sketch

YANBU.

I find it interesting that a few people think the first example was your fault. It's true, I suppose you could have explained what an automated email was when it was clear he didn't understand it. But surely everyone knows what an automated email is? I think your DH sounds a bit thick .

My DH has some annoying conversational habits. e.g.:

Me: When are you going to your mum's?
Him: Later.
Me: But when exactly?
Him. I don't know. Later.

Or:

Me: What are you getting from the shop?
Him: Stuff.
Me: What stuff?

etc.

He knows it drives me up the wall but he does it anyway.

Also, if I don't understand something, usually some practical thing, he doesn't try to explain it in different ways, he repeats it in a loud voice. And he'll use what I regard as odd terminology, so instead of saying "Let go", he'll say "Give loose!" and I'll look at him blankly and he'll shout "Give loose again!" which confuses me further and also alarms me slightly so I'm too paralysed to do anything.

My exH was much worse, though. He insisted on taking everything you said completely literally so making it impossible to have a normal conversation with him.

at Hullys contribution to the thread.

This thread is making me laugh. I think it's a combination of things in our house. He expects an instant response when I'm already concentrating on at least 2 things, he mumbles and we both don't always listen.

(while watching detective show)

Him: So who do you think did it?
Me: The wife definately did it, because she's having an affair with the gardener.
Him: Well, I think it's the wife because she's having a fling with the bloke that does the garden.

Don't see what is unreasonable about the first one. If dh was confused about the automated mail, he could have just asked if you thought what you received was ok. But really, is automated mail really so hard to understand, especially given you both knew the context?

Conversations that spring out of nowhere can catch you off-guard so it takes longer to process, fair enough. Sometimes dh tries to tell me stuff when I'm in the middle of doing something or thinking through plans or whatever, and I use my filter - but I tell him I'm doing it instead of pretending I'm listening. Not so hard to say, "I'm a bit pre-occupied with this so it'll take me a minute to process what you're telling me.". But surely Al, you do understand that people who in a normal conversation process more slowly than you are just downright irritating?

openerofjars - dh does this too but the infuriating thing is that when the tables are turned and I can't reply immediately, he asks me again within 2 seconds. Literally 2 seconds. Not even time to say, "Hang on for a bit..."... We used to argue about that, but now he gets the death glare and apologises so that's progress at least!

The automated email could have said 'thankyou for you email we'll get back to you' or it could have said 'we have recieved you rorder ref number 1234' so OP you could have explained that better.

My DH has had his ears syringed by me over the kitchen sink it is like having a new husband. He listens! I am much happier :)

My DP is a musician and has terrible hearing from being on stage a lot.

Just because I understand, doesn't mean it doesn't drive me nuts though... especially when he nods and agrees, but has NO IDEA what I've just said.

So glad I've seen this post, my DP is awful for this kind of thing, sometimes I'm talking to him and I can actually see his eyes zoning out. I know I waffle on but seriously....

He's bad for shopping as well, it always happens like this...

DP - what am I getting from the shop?
Me - well we need x, y and z. Do you want me to write it down?
DP - no, I can remember 3 things! what am I getting again?
Me - x,y and z.
DP - k, < faffs about in the kitchen lint rolling jacket, comes back to me> ok I'm going now, so we need a, b and c?
Me - NO, Christ sake, I'm writing you a list.
DP - where will I find x?
Me - forget it, I'll go.

I'm the least intolerant person in the world as well. When he gets really bad I have to go and sit upstairs for a bit or I will blow up.