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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to always go to the park after school pick up

36 replies

Goldenbear · 16/05/2012 20:18

My son's school is opposite a park and whatever the weather the mums I have got to know like to take their children to the park. They will ask me in front of my DS who is very sociable and always wants to go.

The problems I have with this are that a) It is often very busy with infant school children and junior school children especially if it is a reasonable day. B) I have a 1 year old in tow who is only 13 months but already a bolter, in the crowds this is especially worrying. Also, despite my best efforts I am also very sleep deprived so I don't really have the inclination to visit the chaotic park! C) one parent will inevitably by their child an ice cream so I need to find the change for one for my DS, we are pretty skint at the moment so I feel a bit wasteful doing this.

D) we have a 2.2 mile walk after the park so If we visit the park first by the end of the walk home I have a grumpy 4 year old and usually crying baby to deal with. E) my DS is still 4, so he is pretty tired before we even get to the park. Finally, the school is also near the sea so I'm unsure why we always have to visit the overcrowded park. I do suggest the seaside but it's like I'm not heard.

Anyway, am I being unreasonable with any of those points. Another mum who I'm not friendly with told me I would isolate my son by not visiting the park, by just going home. I think this is ridiculous but does she have a point?

OP posts:

gafhyb · 16/05/2012 20:22

She's being ridiculous. You do not have to go, your son does all the socialising he needs at school.

IME these kind of jaunts can be stressful for all concerned after a tiring day at school. Mind you, I am an antisocial bugger and enforced togetherness gets on my wick.

This will all die down as they get older

redskyatnight · 16/05/2012 20:23

I wish we had a park opposite our school :)

I'd personally compromise by either just going one day a week, or by just popping in for 10 minutes. I bet your DS will enjoy playing with his friends even if he's tired, and you'll also find that you pick up on lots of useful school gossip news from the other mums. Whilst I don't think you'll isolate your child by not going, I do think children that meet up outside of school as well as in, tend to form stronger friendships.

I'd be clear with your DS beforehand that he will not be getting an icecream, but can have xyz treat when you get home (or take a treat to eat on the way home, and minimise whining).

gafhyb · 16/05/2012 20:24

And what other mum means when she says you will "isolate your son etc etc" is ... "I am a socially-obsessed person who feels so insecure she needs to spend al her time keeping "in" with everyone"

(I might have made that bit up)

AberdeenAnxious · 16/05/2012 20:26

Of course she's being ridiculous.

Original poster

Goldenbear · 16/05/2012 20:27

Gafhyb, yes I think I am pretty anti-social, I find myself looking enviously at the mums who swoop in, pick up and go no questions asked, no one implys they're anti-social because they are not, they chat do play dates etc. but never seem to go to the park....or they say they're visiting the seaside.

OP posts:

CountryMouse27 · 16/05/2012 20:28

You are in charge of your family. Dont stress but dont let it become an issue.

Try; "not today, we're going home to play xxx together" and make it sound special.

Original poster

Goldenbear · 16/05/2012 20:29

Sorry should be 'implies'.

OP posts:

gafhyb · 16/05/2012 20:30

Goldenbear - honestly, when you've got two the age yours are it's often about keeping everyone reasonably happy. For the 10 minutes' enjoyment your son will get it's not worth it, certainly not every day. But I remember what Reception is like - everyone worried about their DCs friendships and social lives.

And what about all the mothers who work?

backjustforaminute · 16/05/2012 20:31

Of course he won't be socially isolated from not going to the park, but maybe you could go every once in a while? Your younger child may start wanting to play, too. IME it's good for the kids to see each other outside of the school setting, they feel more 'free' to be naughty have fun! We have a park next to our school where quite a lot of children go after school, but mine can't because I'm at work :(

I wouldn't hesitate to say no to the icecream if you don't want to buy one. Maybe he could have a snack from home instead?

welliesandpyjamas · 16/05/2012 20:31

Introduce new rules. Park only on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and only if it is not raining. Ice creams only on Friday as a treat. Any whinging or bad behaviour in the park or on the way home results in missing the next park session.

gafhyb · 16/05/2012 20:32

yes, maybe a compromise is in order - go once a week, and take some sandwiches

welliesandpyjamas · 16/05/2012 20:33

Wow, that post makes me sound seriously kickass! I'm not really but I always have a very good reason not to go to the park if it doesn't suit me

eeden · 16/05/2012 20:35

Bribe your 4yo. You can buy a packet of icecreams and put them in the freezer much cheaper than buying in park. Tell him you are in hurry/anything. I would hate the park scenerio you describe.

feelokaboutit · 16/05/2012 20:37

A bit off topic but am a bit that you are near the seaside!!!
I too never used to go to the park as with three little ones it would have been exhausting. Now that they are 6, 8 and 10 I still don't go (after school in the summer term, we do go as a family at the weekends) though youngest has probably just about got to the age where she won't whinge about walking anywhere further than usual.
I too agree that kids do more than enough socialising at school.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 16/05/2012 20:37

totally agree with welliesandpyjamas

we are very lucky that the school playground and fields are open out of school hours so we hang around there for anything from 10 minutes to an hour after school.

take control and you will feel better. if they know what the guidelines are then the kids will just appreciate the days they have.

DeWe · 16/05/2012 20:38

I loath the park at pick up time and will actively avoid it.

HamblesHandbag · 16/05/2012 20:38

YANBU I HATE doing the park thing!

PacketOfBiscuits · 16/05/2012 20:39

Why not set some firm boundaries and stick to them? Say "We can only come to the park on Mondays and Wednesdays", and then go straight home on the other days.

Original poster

Goldenbear · 16/05/2012 20:39

redsky, yes I think you're right about the friendships being stronger but with regards to the ice cream it is pretty much impossible. I do bring him snacks anyway but he is always hungry so although pretty weak parenting on my part I just feel so sorry for him missing out. One boy was denied an ice cream and the other mun's felt really sorry for the boy they encouraged their son to share his.

OP posts:

ChitChatFlyingby · 16/05/2012 20:41

YANBcompletelyU

We have a park very close to the school - fortunately it is such a quiet area that DS2 would have to really, really bolt to get away. It is good for the children to play with other children in a different environment, and it is good for parents to SEE their children playing in large groups like this (if they're paying attention....) to see how they conduct themselves.

It is where you get to chat to other mums and dads, organise an occasional playdate or group outing for an inset date, mums night out etc. It's also where I've made friends with mums whose older children are in a different year, but whose younger DC are the same age as DS2 which is helpful, especially as they can get together for play dates before school starts - which makes his transition all that much easier.

But we certainly don't go everyday - and I have to walk right through the park and right past the playground gate to get home! (But when we do go we're there to the bitter end...... .

Original poster

Goldenbear · 16/05/2012 20:54

Yes, I have got to gain control. I sound pretty pathetic when I reread my thread. I suppose set days is a good compromise as my DS will know where he stands.

There is a mum, boho (bohemian) mum, very cool, pretty, assertive. She will get asked and manages to say no without sounding defensive or weird. She will often say, 'no we're going to the beach tonight' or I heard her say, 'we are going home to play a board game tonight'. She doesn't sound like an anti social nerd when she says, 'no' pretty much every time. We get on well but she has a girl in my DS's class and he always wants to play with the boys.

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Anothertoybroken · 16/05/2012 21:08

You are definitely NBU. I almost have to force myself to go to the park at the best of times let alone after school. I'd much rather go home and watch cbeebies with a cup of tea and an enormous cake, sorry, I meant do something educational and life enhancing with the kids..!
Where do the other mums get the energy?? Every day??! Good on them but every day is too much IMO. Compromise definitely the way forward.

Sparklingbrook · 16/05/2012 21:12

You know why all the Mums go to the park don't you? To gossip.

Original poster

Goldenbear · 16/05/2012 21:22

chitchat, you are right in what you say but I find it incredibly stressful trying to watch my toddler, going one way, my 4 year old another. In fact i seem to be the only one worried about the boys being out if sight. I'm trying to listen intently to someone's chosen subject, problems with DH or children etc. but feel like I cannot concentrate in that environment, it is a very chaotic atmosphere as the infant school and junior school are big.

Yes I would rather and often do take my DC to another park on the seafront but that involves bringing my car and is not a case of dropping in on the way home!

OP posts:

Original poster

Goldenbear · 16/05/2012 21:26

I'm always fretting about all the other stuff I have to do at home aswell. I don't think the mums I hang around with worry about this as much as me- good for them but I hate returning to a pig sty and then having to cook a decent meal with children wanting my attention and wanting to eat!

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