Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to uninvite my "friend" from my wedding?

45 replies

CupOfBrownJoy · 16/05/2012 19:58

Long history to this one (sorry) - A is/was my oldest friend. We had lots of fun as teenagers and then single 20-somethings, however she was always quite spoiled and competitive. This never really bothered me, but my family have never really liked her (and they are usually good judges of character).

Late 20s, she met her DP and had 2 kids. She was a complete nightmare Bridezilla - a total control freak, she wouldn't let me organise her hen as she "wanted it done properly" (ended up costing everyone a fortune at a time when I really couldn't afford it), didn't want me as a bridesmaid as I was too tall, etc etc. She was also insufferably smug at being married before me 30.

We just about managed to maintain our friendship through this, but once she had kids she stopped making any effort at all with me - I had to go and visit her, stay at her house, come to her for coffee. Apparently I didn't understand anything about being busy or tired because I didn't have kids....

So, the friendship limped on until I got a new job abroad. We then went an entire year without communicating and tbh this was ok by me.

Except I'm now getting married, and in the spirit of reconciliation I invited her to the wedding - well, I sent her a save the date card to be exact. She has done nothing but piss me around since. She asked if the hen could be held in her home town (she is the only person coming from this town, my family are 200 miles away and I'm abroad!), then she insisted on bringing her husband on the hen for some unknown reason. I emailed and told her in no uncertain terms that it is ladies only, and to let me know when she had organised her flights etc (the hen is in my city abroad, but only a cheap flight away) and its now been a month and I've heard nothing more from her, so I've got no idea if she's coming or not.

I'm so fed up with her!! Years of being a selfish cow, plus I had to bend over backwards and wait on her hand and foot over her wedding, and now for mine she's just being a massive pain in the arse. I feel like emailing her and explaining that, actually we haven't really been on good terms for a while, I offered an olive branch but now I regret it, and wouldn't it just be easier all round if we stopped pretending to be friends....

AIBU and a massive cow?

OP posts:
JeanBodel · 16/05/2012 19:59

Do it. If you don't I guarantee you months and months of wishing you had.

LindyHemming · 16/05/2012 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BehindLockNumberNine · 16/05/2012 20:01

I would email her and tell her that as you had not heard from her for such a long time you have had to go ahead and confirm numbers and were (sadly) not able to include her.
Say that you feel you have grown apart and that it appears from her non-reply that she feels the same.
Tell her you wish her nothing but the best and thank her for having been your friend.

Then delete her contact details.

(or does that make me a cow?)

Softlysoftly · 16/05/2012 20:02

Remove Olive branch and disinvited, you have nothing to do with her now so what's the point in adding stress to your life just to be polite to someone who clearly can't return the favour.

Tigresswoods · 16/05/2012 20:03

do it do it!

Shakey1500 · 16/05/2012 20:04

YANBU. Email her and state that because she hadn't got in touch, it became apparant that she wasn't coming. And out of courtesy, tell her that her place on the hen night and wedding has been given to someone else (just in case she rocks up to either and causes an unwelcome scene). All the best for the rest of your life, no ill will but fuck off etc

BlackholesAndRevelations · 16/05/2012 20:05

Just cease all contact! Say as you hadn't heard from her you presumed she wasn't coming to the hen, but just don't bother sending her a wedding invitation!

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 16/05/2012 20:06

Bollocks, I've texted my mum and the invites went out this week.

Can I rescind? I'm going to hell....

Its slightly more awkward as I'm friends with her sister, who is also invited to the wedding.

Am I taking the coward's way out if I put up with her at the wedding, and vow never to bother with her again afterwards?

I like Behind's idea about the email. I think I'll do that straight away, tell her as I hadn't heard I've had to presume she's a no. I don't think I'd be able to stick her in a group of 11 all weekend, although I can hide her out of the way at the wedding (120 guests) and probably not have to speak to her an awful lot...

OP posts:
Tangointhenight · 16/05/2012 20:07

She sounds like a friend of mine, or ex friend and believe me she's not worth the hassle!! What on earth possessed her to think it was ok to bring her DH to your hen!!

Ditch the bitch

FairhairedandFrustrated · 16/05/2012 20:08

Definitely explain how you feel, she can't call all the shots.

ENormaSnob · 16/05/2012 20:11

She wants to bring her dh on your hen do? Shock

yanbu

Mrsjay · 16/05/2012 20:12

organise your wedding your hen do and whatever else you need to do , she sounds a Brat keep her invite but dont play into her rubbish , if she comes she comes if not then BONUS she sounds a nightmare .

Mrsjay · 16/05/2012 20:12

maybe her lovely husband wont let her out to play IYSWIm thats why he wants to come say no men allowed ,

AKissIsNotAContract · 16/05/2012 20:13

If she's only received a save the date card can you just not bother sending her a proper invitation? She won't be able to go if she doesn't have the details.

YANBU BTW, she sounds awful.

sparkina · 16/05/2012 20:14

Cease all contact now. She is a pain in the arse and you are well away from her.

squeakytoy · 16/05/2012 20:16

I wouldnt uninvite her from the wedding, I would email her saying sorry she cant make the hen do, and you look forward to seeing her at the wedding. You will be too busy on the wedding day to pay her much attention, she will just be another face in a crowd.

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 16/05/2012 20:20

MrsJay her DH is not the controlling type at all. At first I thought she'd got the wrong end of the stick and thought the wedding was over here, as she was talking about bringing the kids and all sorts. However, even when we confirmed it was a HEN she was still going on about her DH changing his shift so he could get a flight.

Very odd.

So, what do I say.... "had to confirm etc etc, have presumed you're a no etc etc not heard from you in a month...." then what? Hope everything is ok? Have a nice life? Please never contact me again?

Bearing in mind she now has the full on invite in the bin on the mantelpiece

I'm crap at this Sad

OP posts:
Gigondas · 16/05/2012 20:26

Just say had to confirm and hadnt heard from you. I would say nothing else. She may or may not come to the wedding - but as others said she will be one amongst many. I wouldn't say anything about wishing the best as you can just let things take its course.

Mrsjay · 16/05/2012 20:28

I would maybe say are you coming i need to confirm things for you , if i dont hear from you soon i will assume you cant make the LADIES night , maybe he was just coming with the kids and stay in a hotel

JustFab · 16/05/2012 20:32

If the invites only went out last week you can't be "chasing" her already to say you need to comfirm!

Original poster
CupOfBrownJoy · 16/05/2012 20:32

too late Mrs Jay, I've just sent her a short email saying as I've not heard, I've had to confirm, and have presumed she's a no.

She's had a month ffs...

I think I'll just hope she doesn't come to the wedding, and try not to stress. Tbh if she does come, it will be patently obvious how far apart we have grown as she'll know hardly anyone there. She's never even met DP. I'll also be 4.5 months pg and that will be the first she'll have heard about it.

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 16/05/2012 20:38

well its done now and you are right she cant mess you about , as i said before she sounds like a real Brat ,

pigletmania · 16/05/2012 20:48

You haven,t invited her just gave her a save the day card. just dont invite her, and consider that friendship over. She does not sound like much of a friend tbh and your best off without her. The friendship seems to have run its course, there are plenty of lovely people out there to make friends with

FartBlossom · 16/05/2012 20:56

Perhaps she was thinking with the hen night to make it into a bit of a holiday for her family too. She would come out alone with you on your night, but spend a bit of extra time with her family seeing the town/city. Thats what Id be tempted to do if I had a friend in another country who wanted me to come to her hen night.

Anyway now Id see what happens and not make contact again.

I often think about maybe holding out an olive branch to those couple of friends I dont see anymore, it usually goes wrong for me

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 16/05/2012 21:02

How old are her kids? Is there any chance she was bringing them (&DH to look after them) as they're still breastfed or something?

Either way, she should have replied in a month. YANBU.