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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a cleaner?

134 replies

happyhopefulmummy · 16/05/2012 17:44

My DH and I have a 10 month old baby. At the moment, during the week I try and stay on top of housework as much as possible and cook dinner every day. I am
Not going back to work (nursery fees made this a no brainer).

My DH is a great help and often cleans up the kitchen each night: our house is relatively tidy, but I don't feel its clean. This is going to sound awful, but baby's room hasn't been dusted since he was born. AIBU to suggest we get a cleaner for 2 hours a week to help us keep on top of things?

We used to have a cleaner but as soon as i fell pregnant we stopped her so as to save money. My DH doesn't earn a great income (£22,000) but we are in the fortunate position of owning our house with no mortgage. At the monent we spend a large chunk of the weekend cleaning, and i feel we could be putting in quality Family Time. DH says he doesn't mind doing this on the weekend. I feel that as our baby gets older this will prove harder and also not really fair on him; he should have some quality time with his parents, esp as during the week he'll often watch me tidy.

I was going to talk to him about it tonight so would appreciate some thoughts, and perhaps suggestions to boost my argument if I'm not being U!

OP posts:

Adversecamber · 17/05/2012 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

happyhopefulmummy · 17/05/2012 10:21

Reading all this, I think I just need to be a lot
More organised. My DH doesn't object to spending the money as such, if it would make life better. The question is if it would
Make a difference. I won't know till I try.

I'm not sure where my days go. I feel I've just Managed to clean up the kitchen from breakfast carnage (blw baby, hubby rushing off to work) when he wakes up then it's off to playgroup and
Home and then lunchtime! Maybe over next few weeks I'll try and be super organised and have times when I do everything - I do agree you can get a lot done in 30 minutes. But I literally feel like I spend all my time at home cleaning and tidying, but then nothing is ever finished/ done properly!

I dont have a moral objection to a cleaner, but I do agree on a fairly low wage we could put money to better use if I feel happy with the state of the house.

OP posts:

gnomeland · 17/05/2012 10:30

Thing is happy, a cleaner won't help.

Babies are messy, houses get messy when you are at home. It was much easier to stay clean and tidy when you were at work all day

Maybe lower your standards a bit. Do a few 15 minute chunks a day and see how you go.

hairylemon · 17/05/2012 10:33

Do you go to playgroup every day? If you are cramming things in because you feel as a SAHM you dont want to be 'seen' to be actually staying at home then for gods sake stop it woman! SAHMs are allowed to SAH and the baby will be equally happy watching you potter about than it will being out every day.

I dont think a house is ever clean all at once. It would be a showhome if so. Its madness to try and clean it all in one go and as long as the areas that do need a bit of a daily facelift are done like the kitchen, bathroom and living room then you can split the rest of the cleaning across the week. Leave the big jobs like mopping floors til the weekend when your DH can do that bit and in the week just wipe up any spills. I was very much a Monica from Friends wrt cleaning but its just not feasible or practical so just relax a bit, as long as your house is generally tidy its fine. When you have kids you dont have a fully clean house, fact .

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 17/05/2012 10:43

I can understand where you are coming from but if i were you I would lower my standards! - I have a cleaner 3 hours a week but I work 4 days and still feel it is a lot of money to spend each month and a m constantly thinking could I bear to do without her...the floor gets mopped once a week, not once a day - otherwise just wipe up spills and sweep now and then! Hoovering once a week, ,done by the cleaner -I rarely get the thing out myself.

Things like dusting bedrooms would definitely fall by the wayside if I didn't have a cleaner. I probably only spend about an hour a week actually cleaning, the daily drudge of laundry, dishes, cooking, wiping, tidying takes up most of my time when I am not working, taking the kids places or doing my sports and other stuff for me (far more important than cleaning IMO)

thekidsrule · 17/05/2012 11:48

hairylemon has said what i was thinking regarding maybe to many activities,honestly if i have a week of going out alot then things do build up a little,though i have 3 kids and no hubby (yours sounds fab)

honestly it can be done and like a poster said each week maybe put £10-15 away and then each month treat yourself,look at it like your being paid

gnushoes · 17/05/2012 12:07

I thought about this when I was working out of the house part time but decided house would be trashed again within hours of cleaner coming. So I bought a more powerful hoover, do the annoying bits more often and try to get around the rest of it where possible. Once your baby starts moving around you'll think you have poltergeists in the house and it may never look tidy again. You can make it clean enough as an ongoing thing -- but making it all spotless at once (and keeping it that way for days) may be unrealistic for a few years.

Longtalljosie · 17/05/2012 12:20

A cleaner WILL help. People without cleaners are very weird about the whole thing. Not sure why, you don't get this hassle from people who are able to repair their own cars. Get one. If you don't feel it's money well spent after 6 months, say it's not working out. But I bet you don't.

Bugger being more organised. Having an under-1 is quite enough work.

Juule · 17/05/2012 12:22

"you don't get this hassle from people who are able to repair their own cars. "

What? Don't understand this remark.

Longtalljosie · 17/05/2012 12:24

What I mean is - a lot of work that used to be done at home is outsourced these days. Including car repair, and even car washing / valeting. Nobody bats an eyelid. But suggest you should outsource the cleaning of the home - a traditionally "female" job - and everyone has an attack of the vapours and tells you that you mustn't, you must just organise yourself better.

FateLovesTheFearless · 17/05/2012 12:26

I am a lone parent to 4 dc under eight. If it wasn't for cleaning I wouldn't know what to do all day, there is only so much children time I can do before my brain starts melting!

I have a good routine that sees my house not perfect but clean and tidy plus time for the children. Taken me a long time to be disciplined enough and not wander off onto here or fb!

Still, YANBU. If you can afford a cleaner then it's your choice.

Juule · 17/05/2012 12:30

I think that a lot of people don't outsource stuff that they can do themselves.
All dependant on their financial situation and what they think they would be better spending their money on. Car repairs - ime is one of those jobs that not many people would know where to start. Cleaning your home tends to fall into the category of being able to do it yourself type of job. So, if one person is at home most of the time then generally they might be expected to contribute a bit more to the domestic jobs.

lou2321 · 17/05/2012 12:31

I felt better about getting everything done if I was organised. When DH got in from work he used to play with the boys and I would tidy up a bit and get anything ready for the following day. This would then give me the extra time in the morning to clear up after breakfast.

I think it is probably down to organisation like you say.

Having a cleaner doesn't necessairly help that much as I probably spend as much time tidying the house as I would cleaning it so she can clean it easily the following day - oh and I clean the toilet

hairylemon · 17/05/2012 12:40

I don't outsource my cleaning because I have all day to do it and so does op so I'm just sharing my view. Nothing to do with having vapours about it. When I return to work it might be a different story.

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers · 17/05/2012 12:43

But it's true that when dc are at school all day and you are at work the house stays clean and tidy! (Apart from the cat sick, fur, footprints, feathers and rodent parts that is)

tomverlaine · 17/05/2012 12:46

I have one DS -I work full time; DP looks after DS 3 days a week the other two days he is in nursery. we have a cleaner.
my situation is that DP is not good at cleaning/tidying; if we didn't have a cleaner I would have to do it and my weekends are the only time I have with DS so I don't wnat to have to clean. Plus we can afford it easily.
It is a luxury in my view though and I really don't understand why you can't do the cleaning whicle you are at home. I have seen the quote about spending time playing with baby rather than cleaning etc but in reality some stuff has to get done (not just cleaning which can be outsourced- but shopping/etc) and if the SAHP doesn't do it then the working partner has to do it- which can mean that they don't get any time playing

Juule · 17/05/2012 12:49

"my situation is that DP is not good at cleaning/tidying;"

Maybe OP isn't good at cleaning/tidying?

skybluepearl · 17/05/2012 12:55

I have three (one older baby) and have a cleaner two hours a week. It has made a huge difference to me and my PND. I can't tell you what a relief it has been. I can just about keep the house tidy with daily effort (couple of hours tidying). I can put my baby down to play (I now some are more demanding though) but can never seem to get time to clean - just tidy. Lots of commitments and busy time table. Reading and playing with kids, cooking from scratch, making school lunches, school runs, clubs, swimming, toddler groups are more important.

My main memory of my mum is that she cleaned non stop. She never really spent any time with us, although we did go out a fair bit. I really don't want to be like that.

A cleaner once a fortnight could work? More quality time together

Molehillmountain · 17/05/2012 15:46

I'd hire a cleaner if you could have one half an hour a day. That would help. But when I had one for two hours a week with children at home it didn't make me feel any better about the house and cost me twenty two quid that I'd rather spend on stuff I'd notice. Or just put away. This isn't a judgement, after all I chose to have one. If I had the money I could spend and really not think about it or went back to work I'd consider it again. But I'd more likely ask the cleaner to do washing and ironing.

tomverlaine · 17/05/2012 17:06

My point was really that I would have to pick up the slack on DP being crap at cleaning anyway and I would rather do this through getting a cleaner than doing it myself. but I'd find it hard to justify if I was in the OP's position

greyhairsahead · 17/05/2012 20:19

I hate cleaning. My dh hates cleaning. I'm also rubbish at it, just seem to push the dirt around . Dh and I have always argued about it, as we never got onto a routine and he just never "sees" when stuff needs doing. As soon as I started my second lot of mat leave I hired a cleaner, 3 hours, every other week. One of the best things I've done! With a toddler and a baby I spend a lot of time tidying away toys, cleaning the kitchen ( blw here too! ) and putting washing on/ out/ away. My baby only naps when we're out and is very very grumpy. So knowing that the whole place gets a thorough clean regularly life sooooooooooo much easier and nicer! One of my favourite times is just after the cleaner has gone and I have nothing to do. Op I'm sure if you really had the will you could manage to keep your house clean. But ignore what the others are saying, because if having someone do it for you means you can focus on other stuff and take some of the strain off, and you can afford it, do it!!!

seeingstars · 17/05/2012 20:26

I can't understand post where people are saying, what do you do all do? why can't you do it?

Get a cleaner if you can afford it OP and enjoy.

PacketOfBiscuits · 17/05/2012 21:18

A cleaner will get through the work much quicker than a parent trying to keep a baby entertained at the same time. They may also be quicker at cleaning because it's their job and they do it day in, day out.

No difference then really, than using a washing machine rather than getting out the washboard and mangle - it's a simple timesaver.

sensuallettuce · 17/05/2012 21:23

Seriously get a cleaner if you want but don't make crap excuses to justify yourself to a bunch of strangers.

I am a single parent to 3 kids, work full-time and then have my b/f's 3 kids (making 6 kids) every other weekend when he's back from the Navy.

I manage to stay on top of cleaning my 4 bed house!! .

sensuallettuce · 17/05/2012 21:24

Seriously get a cleaner if you want but don't make crap excuses to justify yourself to a bunch of strangers.

I am a single parent to 3 kids, work full-time and then have my b/f's 3 kids (making 6 kids) every other weekend when he's back from the Navy.

I manage to stay on top of cleaning my 4 bed house!! .

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