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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a cleaner?

134 replies

happyhopefulmummy · 16/05/2012 17:44

My DH and I have a 10 month old baby. At the moment, during the week I try and stay on top of housework as much as possible and cook dinner every day. I am
Not going back to work (nursery fees made this a no brainer).

My DH is a great help and often cleans up the kitchen each night: our house is relatively tidy, but I don't feel its clean. This is going to sound awful, but baby's room hasn't been dusted since he was born. AIBU to suggest we get a cleaner for 2 hours a week to help us keep on top of things?

We used to have a cleaner but as soon as i fell pregnant we stopped her so as to save money. My DH doesn't earn a great income (£22,000) but we are in the fortunate position of owning our house with no mortgage. At the monent we spend a large chunk of the weekend cleaning, and i feel we could be putting in quality Family Time. DH says he doesn't mind doing this on the weekend. I feel that as our baby gets older this will prove harder and also not really fair on him; he should have some quality time with his parents, esp as during the week he'll often watch me tidy.

I was going to talk to him about it tonight so would appreciate some thoughts, and perhaps suggestions to boost my argument if I'm not being U!

OP posts:
FlatCapAndAWhippet · 16/05/2012 23:11

I'm a cleaner, I'd go for the 4 hours every other week as Ali suggested, much better for a good clean, 2 hours every week is a quick wizz round and hoover, nothing too life changing.

If I was a SAHM I'd want the cash to spend on other things, literally takes an hour a day to keep your house clean but what the hell, you could live in a mansion and be rolling in it. Do what makes you happy but FGS get that little ones bedroom dusted. Smile

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 16/05/2012 23:13

£450 - £600 married ?! Lordy!

FayeGovan · 16/05/2012 23:16

usualsuspect "I feel like the poor relation on MN most of the time."

well sometimes I feel like the only sane person on mn most of the time

op, one baby, doesn't work, household income 22k, hasnt dusted babys room in 10 months and needs a cleaner

come on Hmm

BumpingFuglies · 16/05/2012 23:17

Seems a lot FlatCap but it's only once a year.

tallwivglasses · 16/05/2012 23:19

You want one, you can afford one, you get one. Just treat her decently and pay her well. She needs the money.

Pollykitten · 16/05/2012 23:26

You don't have to justify a cleaner in any terms except whether you can afford it or not - what you do during the day is up to you. If you wanted to sit in a bath of champagne and set fire to tenners or whether you worked 18 hours in a soup kitchen is an irrelevance. People seem to get mightily confused about this one. If you can afford it, there's no issue, it's like any other expense over which you have some control.

Barbielovesken · 16/05/2012 23:37

Phew!! Was reading the first couple of replies and thought that I must be out of my mind. Agree with thekidsrule and others who've said similar.

OP - If my dh was at home all day with just one baby and I was working full time/ washing floors in the evening and cleaning at weekends and he then had the audacity to suggest getting a cleaner I would go insane. Yours must be a Saint.

You're going to need to learn how to do a bit more otherwise, If you have more dc/ go back to work etc.. You are going to have the shock of your life!!

PacketOfBiscuits · 16/05/2012 23:40

YANBU. If you don't mind spending the money and you'd like to spend the time on something else that's totally your choice.

No-one is going to come round and give you brownie points for cleaning, so ignore anyone who attempts to judge. You don't have to justify yourself, and there's nothing wrong with being kind to yourself and looking after yourself so you can spend your energy as you wish.

Many people are quite happy to pay someone to do other practical tasks such as decorating, building repairs, window cleaning, carpet laying, mending the car, car wash, plumbing etc. and wouldn't expect to do these themselves, so I don't see any difference between those and paying someone to help you clean the house. (I think it's because it's seen as OK to pay for "men's work" to give a man extra time, but there's still this underlying assumption sometimes that women are supposed to do everything themselves, or for free, and never delegate!)

Some people would spend a similar amount on wine, or going out, DVD rentals, magazines, clothes, holidays, takeaways. If you prefer to spend it on a cleaner so you can have more quality time with your family that's entirely valid.

It doesn't matter at all how other people prefer to organise their homes, this is your house, your family, your money, your decision :)

gnomeland · 16/05/2012 23:42

I think it is entirely up to you but it is 10% of your family income Shock.

I hate cleaning to be honest, and would love a cleaner. I had one when DS1 was a baby and on maternity leave (much like you) but now we have 2 DCs we can't really justify the expense.

However, i do think you might need to look differently at the time you spend with your 10 month old. For babies and toddlers, everything is exciting and a learning experience. They are as excited by a cat as a zoo.

With DS1, we had a lot of activities and trips, everything was an event. With DS2, not so much and he has to amuse himself much more. But is much more content because of it.

When he was a baby, he was quite happy to play with the clean washing while I put it away. Now, he has a water bottle with water in and a clean cloth so he can 'help'. he loves a bit of hoovering. Grin.

So if you look at it as any activity that you can do with your baby, rather than something that takesn them away, you may find you have more time for it.

Not too much time though Wink

Barbielovesken · 16/05/2012 23:45

Don't think people are merely willing to pay for men's work packet - carpet laying/ plumbing/ fixing the car - these are specialised areas - I'd reckon many can't plumb or has a knowledge of car mechanics but think most of us know how to clean.

By all means get a cleaner OP, if that's what you and your dh want but do be honest - it's just been lazy given your circumstances Wink

PacketOfBiscuits · 16/05/2012 23:50

Perhaps Barbie, but it's just the only theory I can come up with so far!

Agreed, most of us can clean, but then most of us could also decorate, read a DIY manual about fixing the tap, visit the supermarket instead of paying a delivery driver etc.

Why is there so much tut-tutting about people hiring cleaners, but not for other practical tasks we pay for?

DerbyNottsLeicsNightNanny · 16/05/2012 23:59

We have a fortnightly cleaner come just for 2hrs. Obviously there is lots to be done in between her visits but for me that feeling of walking into a clean house every fortnight is well worth £20 a go. It's a luxury but it's my treat to myself! I would say go for it!

ThePoorMansBeckySharp · 17/05/2012 00:04

Dear God, your household income is 22k, you're not going back to work, you only have one child and you want a cleaner? I'm sorry but that is bonkers.

Original poster
happyhopefulmummy · 17/05/2012 06:53

Thanks for the mostly helpful replies. I think I probably just need to be a bit more organised. (I was probably exaggerating a little when I say his room hadn't been dusted in 10 months!)

I don't appreciate the insinuations that because I don't go to an office and bring in a wage, I don't "work," but quite frankly I've seen some of the sahm and working mums argument. I don't like the suggestion that I sit on
My arse all day. Some of you need to really think about if that's fair.

I'm just glad my husband is so lovely and understanding, saying he knows how much I do during the day. We talked last night and came to the conclusion that if I could get some of the bigger things done during week, I'd be happier. I find I'm halfway through something then baby wakes up - i can't keep him on the Landing whilst I finish cleaning bathroom because of the staircases. But I suspect if I didn't try an make everything perfect I'd get more done.

Someone asked above I'd we mop the kitchen floor every day - we do around the baby's highchair! Not the whole floor every day :)

OP posts:
Original poster
happyhopefulmummy · 17/05/2012 06:54

Oh and the suggestion of someone fortnightly rather than weekly is interesting....

OP posts:
idontbelieveanymore · 17/05/2012 07:06

I am sorry but I do not understand Confused

Why can't you do the cleaning? I had 3 toddlers and before and after school children mon-fri and I still found time to do the cleaning. Your baby is surely happy to play with a few toys and explore a room whilst you clean and hoover?
You cannot play with him all day everyday?

I really am genuinely confused how you do not get time...If you can afford a cleaner and you want one then go ahead but it would make me feel sick spending that amount of money for a cleaner when I could spend an hour in the morning (like I do now) doing housework and then go out to a group/ coffee/ friends etc

I do not want to sound cruel - but I do not want you to spend your money on something that I think you could do with a little more organisation and you can buy yourself something much more worthwhile with the money - clothes, wine and chocolate Wink

CravingSleep · 17/05/2012 07:06

I think some of your replies have come from stay at home's with more than one child - second time around IS different and I think people forget what it's like with your first child and the whole shock to the system it is.

Often once you have your second you realise how only first babies get attended every minute of the day and wonder what on earth you did all day with 'just' one.

Babies are honestly happy watching you or 'helping' you clean and what isn't safe to do can be done in the evening. I @think@ it's partly a question of routine.

My second is now 5months and I'm just about finding my feet again. I'm finding keeping on top of the house hard and wondering why I found it hard when I had just one under one but I remember I did! I suspect a family with more than me would wonder what I do all day . . .

I think depression or sleep deprivation can also play a part.

That aside cleaning Is boring in my opining so if it's something you'd rather than say a night out or a meal then of course do it!

PacketOfBiscuits · 17/05/2012 08:08

Why don't SAHMs reject all their domestic appliances too? After all, they "have time", could do the tasks themselves and save money...

Juule · 17/05/2012 09:07

If you can afford it, do it :)

If you have to give up other stuff to afford it and think it's worth it, then do it.

Otherwise, probably better to do it yourself.

PacketofBiscuits that goes for all other 'labour saving' stuff too. If you can't afford it then you generally end up doing it yourself if you can. Doesn't just apply to Sahp.

Juule · 17/05/2012 09:09

Not sure why the baby's room hasn't been dusted in 10m, though.:)

FayeGovan · 17/05/2012 09:30

that baby must sneeze a lot

Juule · 17/05/2012 09:36

Faye :o

yakbutter · 17/05/2012 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lou2321 · 17/05/2012 09:52

We have a cleaner but only when I started back at work 3 days a week. DS2 hasn't started school yet so he was with me on my days off. I wouldn't have got a cleaner when I was a SAHM as even with 2 DCs there is always time to spend half hour a day tidying or cleaning sureley. If I was the working parent I would be a bit pissed off if the SAHP wanted to spend money on a cleaner rather than doing it themselves though!

We did lots of playgroups, coffee mornings etc and I breastfed so I do think there is time - HOWEVER I would have had a cleaner if we were really rich plus someone to cook and do other household chores Grin

If you only bring on £22k then I do think there are better things to spend your money on but at the end of the day it is no one elses business TBH!

hairylemon · 17/05/2012 09:54

If you want a cleaner just get one but dont use excuses and make out that you dont have enough time because of playgroups/playing with baby/bfing etc.

Its very very easy to keep on top of cleaning when you are a SAHM to a baby (I managed it fine first time round with severe PND and a colicky baby, and am currently bfing a 7 month old and have a 3 year old, have PND again with a DP who works shifts and manage it perfectly fine and still have oodles of time to sit on my arse and relax). Do say one room a day, so Monday spend 30 mins on the bathroom, Tuesday 30 mins in the kitchen. Get a walker or something so baby can follow you about and you can tell the baby what you are doing to keep them entertained. Or stick baby infront of Cbeebies for 30 mins, wont kill him, or wait util baby is having a nap.

IMO YABU to use excuses to justify it as playgroups/other general fannying about doesnt take 8 hours, but YANBU if you just want a cleaner and can afford it.