I can't really be expected to go to my BIL's wedding the same week that I have a Caesarian can I?

[Snowboarder]

WIBU just to decline? Ok I could probably negotiate the date (my consultant hasn't agreed it yet) so that I have it after the wedding BUT even then I will still be massively pg - and I'm suffering horribly from edema (both legs and fanjo ) and wearing horrible flight sock things which aren't exactly ideal wedding wear.

Please MN jury - can I have a note to be excused?

FWIW I get on well with BIL and his fiancee so no ulterior motive whatsoever - I just don't want to go to a wedding either immediately after or before a huge op.

Good God. NO!!

yanbu.

PJ's and sofa for at least 2 weeks IMO/E.

definitely definitely don't go. You're crazy for even considering it.

I can't decide if AIBU to just not go. When I mentioned it to a member of DH's family they said I 'had' to be there.

You have a perfectly valid excuse. BIL will understand, and has only invited you so you don't feel left out. There, sorted.

No way!!!!

Will your DP be able to go? (Assuming it's his brother).
I'm having a section tomorrow and I do think it would affect your recovery to go to an event so soon - never mind what would happen to the newborn while you were there.

YANBU at all

That's a perfectly valid reason

Anyway, how could you possibly do the Macerena in that condition?

Who said you had to be there ?

Hi Snowboarder, I had an emcs with my third. I felt very weak afterwards, much harder to recover from than my previous two who were not cs births. So give yourself a break, you need at least three weeks imo to recover. Hope it all goes wel.

Is this your first baby? If so then there is no way on earth you will be able to attend, second c-sections at least your geared up for babiness.

Def get it put back until after the wedding.

If I could, I'd be scheduling the c/s for 2-3 days before, so I am still in hospital but DH can go to the wedding.

I am obviously unable to come, I am still in hospital recovering from surgery. DH has no pressure to be at home for me, if I am fresh out of hospital from surgery with young baby etc.

Send regrets, send DH and oooh and aaaah over photos.

You would def not be unreasonable to decline the invite, either before or just after a cs.
They should understand surely?

Of course you don't have to go!

Although if you were still pregnant and they were getting married locally, it might be nice to do the church bit. Although even that could be a bit overwhelming with loads of family asking why you haven't popped and touching your bump.

One option is to fudge the answer for now saying that you can't guarantee the date of your CS so you can't be sure if you will be there.

Is it local?

Could you go to the ceremony having been driven by someone else, have a cup of tea and then go home to bed?

I went to my brother's wedding 5 days after my crash section under GA. I wouldn't recommend it really but it was my choice to go and I'm quite glad I did (DD1 was a bridesmaid and DH stayed in NICU with DD2. A friend drove me and I didn't stay for the meal).

I've had three c sections and am fit and healthy person who hates sitting still - but I would decline this invite. Enjoy your baby

DH is the best man (as well as obviously being BIL's brother) so will definitely be going which I obviously don't mind. He will be taking DS1 with him leaving me to look after newborn DS2 (hopefully my mum will be on hand to help out too).

I kind of know that it's unrealistic to expect me there afterwards as I'll barely be able to walk if my previous section was anything to go by - although that was an EMCS so maybe slightly different?

TBH I don't want to go even if the section is booked for a couple of days afterwards - I've already mentioned by horrible swelling - but obviously I will also look as though I'm about to pop any minute. I'd rather just focus on preparing for the section and resting up as much as I can.

Just can't decide whether I should just 'man up', buy myself a huge polyester floral mu muu to cover the worst of the swelling/ podge and join in with the celebration?

I suggest you decline (as I think it would be too much even if all goes well).

But negotiate the date of the CS to fit anyhow, so DH can go. Will you have other family to help you?

x-ed with Snowboarder's last!

NO!

Sounds like your husband has thought it all through and doesn't expect you to be there. I can see how you will be in two frames of mind and feel like you are missing out on a special family event. No harm in deciding on the day and getting your mum to drive you to the ceremony if local.

I love you lot, I do. Ok, so I'm excused

Will as one canny poster suggested decline saying that I'm not exactly sure of when CS will be but likely that week (which isn't a lie) so it's unlikely that I will be able to attend. Hopefully the date will be before rather than after meaning I can snuggle newborn DS2 at home without guilt. Even if the date is after I will probably only do churchy bit and go home after to rest up and eat cake to get my strength up .

Hurray! Good decision Snowboarder, enjoy your baby!

I had horrendous swelling before DD was born (rolls on my legs and such giant feet that I couldn't wear shoes and had to hobble around in flip flops when outside, which I would kick off immediately I was indoors/in the car etc). It was hideously uncomfortable to sit or stand in one position for more than 15 minutes or so.

YANBU. If you can sort things so DH can go as others have suggested, then that's great, but IMO babies and operations trump weddings so you don't have to feel bad about not going. Anyone who thinks you 'have to be there' just doesn't get it, but that's their problem not yours.

Congratulations . Very jealous of your impending new baby!

If you were having major surgery on your bowel would you consider going? What about major brain surgery? Heart surgery?

Probably not. This is major surgery with all the joys of a newborn and post birth various leakages thrown in. Stay home!