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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to have said no, ex, you can't use my front room as your personal fecking gym?

52 replies

CaptainHetty · 15/05/2012 16:53

Just need to rant, really, because my ex has made me feel like some sort of evil witch for telling him no...

Over the past week or so he has started asking to use my front room to 'work out' in. I have said no. Quite frankly I can't think of anything worse than him puffing and panting in the corner of my lounge for 2 hours like some sort of beached whale while I try to watch Come Dine With Me or something equally as entertaining Hmm of an evening. There's a long history of emotional abuse that could go on for pages, but basically I've had issues with him refusing to leave my house before, culminating in him turning up every morning before work for a shower and a dump Hmm and not leaving in the evening until I physically forced him out the door... and I'm not willing for him to spend more time here than is necessary for the kids.

My refusal has, apparently, turned me into the Wicked Witch of the West. I'm unfair, he has a 200 mile biking holiday planned in 2 weeks and he needs to get ready for it.

Now, perhaps I am BU... No doubt you'll tell me if I am... But I don't think that's my problem. I'm already storing the bloody mountain bike in my daughter's bedroom because diddums doesn't want to keep it outside and wouldn't shut up about it. That he signed up for a mountain biking holiday he wasn't ready or fit enough for, is also not my problem.

I hate being made to feel like a bitch, but I genuinely don't think I'm BU on this one. Am I?

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 15/05/2012 16:55

Does he not have his own place to work out and store his bike in?

laughlovelife · 15/05/2012 16:55

tell him to fook off, and keep his stuff at his house, or if not hire a lock up.

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2012 16:55

Why does he use your house for anything other than seeing the children?

LaurieFairyCake · 15/05/2012 16:56

It's really simple.

he's either your ex or he's not - make your decisions arouond that. If he's your ex the answer to EVERYTHING is NO!!!!!!

and NO justification - who gives a fuck if he calls you the wicked witch, don't let him in -pick kids up at the door etc.

McHappyPants2012 · 15/05/2012 16:56

Unless his name is on the rental agreement or deed then Yanbu it is your home

PurplePidjin · 15/05/2012 16:56

He's your ex. He needs go fuck off and make his own arrangements. And that includes seeing dc!

KatieScarlett2833 · 15/05/2012 16:56

WTAF?

Tell him to join a gym, the nobber.

thebody · 15/05/2012 16:58

I would say not no but never and serve him notice on the bike as well!

catsmother · 15/05/2012 17:00

Course you're not being unreasonable. No-one in their right mind would ask such a thing and IMO this isn't about him getting fit, but about imposing his presence upon you, in effect, marking his "territory".

He can run round the streets for his workout.

TheProvincialLady · 15/05/2012 17:05

He can't and won't respect boundaries. You need to tell him that he can no longer enter your house for any purpose, including seeing the children. Has has to make alternative arrangements. That's not mean, that's healthy for all of you. You shouldn't be storing his dangerous dirty crap in your daughter's bedroom - what does that tell her about relationships and respeting other people? You shouldn't even be having a conversation about it, and you shouldn't be party to any discussion about his biking holiday and fitness needs. He is your EX and none of that is any of your business or problem.

BlueFergie · 15/05/2012 17:07

WTF? The only place suitable for his workout is your living room. How fucking ridiculous. What about his place or his parents, or the park or the gym. Or do you know what? Who fucking cares? It's not your concern. The one place he wont be doing it is your place. End of discussion.
Jesus the cheek of some people.

MissMogwi · 15/05/2012 17:08

Do you still live together? I assume not as he's an ex.

So, tell him to jog on and make his own arrangements from now on.

Gumby · 15/05/2012 17:09

Do you still live together? I'm baffled why he can't work out at his own place, does he live on his own?

TheCrackFox · 15/05/2012 17:12

Stop letting him into your house. He sounds like a weirdo TBH.

SpottedGurnard · 15/05/2012 17:14

Why on earth should your dd have to put up with a mountain bike in her bedroom?

You need to tell him to fuck off and sort his life out!!!

Shutupanddrive · 15/05/2012 17:15

If he is getting fit for a cycling holiday shouldn't he be out on his bike? Tell him to piss off and take his bike with him

Original poster
CaptainHetty · 15/05/2012 17:17

No, he doesn't live here. We broke up about 18 months ago and he moved out in August. It's my house, his name is not on it at all.

When he moved out, he did so begrudgingly and moved 2 minutes away - he rented a room in a shared house and therefore used that as an excuse to come here - no room, too noisy, etc. I put up with it for a while and then it just got stupid - he was using my toilet for a shit, FFS. He has very little respect for my privacy and boundaries and thought me having his children was essentially an open invite to my home. It's not, and I'm fed up with being made to feel like a bitch for not pandering to his whims.

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainHetty · 15/05/2012 17:19

I know he's a cock, I've told him he's a cock, I just needed to get it off my chest :o

I've also stuck his precious bike in the garden.

OP posts:
MsKittyFane · 15/05/2012 17:22

Tell him. Say that he doesn't live with you anymore and is welcome to come over on certain days only for a couple of hours to see the DC. Other than that, he needs to move his bike (?!?!) and leave you to get on with your life. How persistent is he? Is there someone who can be there with you when you tell him?

cuttingpicassostoenails · 15/05/2012 17:26

"I've also stuck his precious bike in the garden".

Ahaaa...the worm has turned and there is no more frightening sight than a turned worm, lashing it's tail and gnashing it's teeth.

Good for you Hetty. Tell him to get lost.

Original poster
CaptainHetty · 15/05/2012 17:33

I suddenly realised when I saw people's responses how ridiculous it was that I was keeping it there in the first place... I've been allowing him to carry on his controlling manipulative behaviour because I couldn't deal with him throwing a tantrum.

I'll never get rid of him if I allow even the smallest thing to slide... So, no more, thank you very much :o

OP posts:
SarryB · 15/05/2012 17:39

Does he have a key to your house? If so, get the locks changed pronto. If if doesn't have a key, then don't invite him in. If he's coming over to pick the kids up, get them ready by the front door, so there's no need for him to come in - or even better, drop the kids round at his.

Seriously, what a cheeky git.

manicbmc · 15/05/2012 17:43

What will happen if he throws a tantrum?

Don't let him in your house. He can come and collect the children for pre-arranged visits, but other than that you don't have to engage with this immature knobend at all.

Hopandaskip · 15/05/2012 17:46

presumedly he is an ex because you don't want to deal with his shit, emotional or physical. So don't deal with his shit.

QuintessentialShadows · 15/05/2012 17:51

Utterly ridiculous. If he has a biking holiday booked, he should be out there cycling, and not in your effin front room!!