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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to have said no, ex, you can't use my front room as your personal fecking gym?

52 replies

CaptainHetty · 15/05/2012 16:53

Just need to rant, really, because my ex has made me feel like some sort of evil witch for telling him no...

Over the past week or so he has started asking to use my front room to 'work out' in. I have said no. Quite frankly I can't think of anything worse than him puffing and panting in the corner of my lounge for 2 hours like some sort of beached whale while I try to watch Come Dine With Me or something equally as entertaining Hmm of an evening. There's a long history of emotional abuse that could go on for pages, but basically I've had issues with him refusing to leave my house before, culminating in him turning up every morning before work for a shower and a dump Hmm and not leaving in the evening until I physically forced him out the door... and I'm not willing for him to spend more time here than is necessary for the kids.

My refusal has, apparently, turned me into the Wicked Witch of the West. I'm unfair, he has a 200 mile biking holiday planned in 2 weeks and he needs to get ready for it.

Now, perhaps I am BU... No doubt you'll tell me if I am... But I don't think that's my problem. I'm already storing the bloody mountain bike in my daughter's bedroom because diddums doesn't want to keep it outside and wouldn't shut up about it. That he signed up for a mountain biking holiday he wasn't ready or fit enough for, is also not my problem.

I hate being made to feel like a bitch, but I genuinely don't think I'm BU on this one. Am I?

OP posts:
dondon33 · 15/05/2012 17:54

Well done with the bike :)
Now tell him to fuck off and do his exercising in his own place/the gym/the park who frigging cares where but not at yours. I absolutely would not allow him to purposely enter my home to take a shit WTF?? obviously on occasion if he was picking up kids and was caught short then yeah.
It certainly doesn't sound like he's using this time to see Dc, so make rules,times etc for when to pick them up.
I take it he's going to have a wobble about the bike, so just go for it and tell him straight what is changing, it's your home, your rules not open to discussion, unless you're scared of him then get someone to be with you.

Inadeeptrance · 15/05/2012 17:56

Yasnbu!! What a cock, tell him he's NOT welcome in your house, let him spit his dummy out and shut the door in his face!

Original poster
CaptainHetty · 15/05/2012 18:03

He will throw a paddy over it, yes. It's a brand new bike, it's been here 2 months and hasn't actually been ridden yet. I was intimidated by him once, however I am not any more, and he knows it. I've learnt to ignore his childish tantrums and I'll do so now... If he has nowhere to keep the bike he shouldn't have bought it, as far as I'm concerned.

OP posts:
sugarice · 15/05/2012 18:07

I'm angry for you just reading it, the cheeky git! Tell him he's not coming in again and to shit elsewhere.

NorksAreMessy · 15/05/2012 18:13

YA very definitely NBU

Cheeky bugger!
Strap on some steely ovaries and kick the bike and the meathead OUT once and for all.
Imagine us all standing behind you cheering you on

PogoBob · 15/05/2012 18:13

Agree the time he's seeing the children, if he turns up at another time don't open the door!

lifechanger · 15/05/2012 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyGates · 15/05/2012 18:18

What you need to say to him: ON YOUR BIKE!

YANBU

MadamFolly · 15/05/2012 18:29

Why is he coming over to see the childern? Either he takes them to his house or takes them to the park, a cafe etc.

I would ban him from the house, and his bike.

Original poster
CaptainHetty · 15/05/2012 18:35

You're right, lifechanger, thanks. I'll move it to the shed once I've put the kids to bed.

Thank you for the positive comments, everyone. It helps immensely to know I'm not being an unreasonable bint. I've told him we need to have a chat about some things and set some boundaries, but I'd prefer to do that in person rather than over a text message so I'll speak to him tomorrow when the children aren't within earshot. I won't be nasty but I can't guarantee he won't mouth off and act like a child.

OP posts:
xkcdfangirl · 15/05/2012 18:45

yay! Well done for putting the bike out. You are right, you need to start drawing lines. Everything he is doing is because he is trying to stay in control of your life. Don't take it any more. Pick-up-and-drop-off on the doorstep from now on.

dondon33 · 15/05/2012 18:48

Oh I didn't think of that Lifesaver, I was too happy OP had booted it out.
Shed sounds reasonable enough for now.
Whatever he says its not your problem, I think you've been more than patient/tolerant towards him over this.
To be honest I probably wouldn't have had an issue with him keeping the bike in the shed originally, maybe for a few months so long as he didn't use it as an excuse to come round very often but it's the other stuff where he is completely taking the piss.
Hope all goes well when you talk to tell him x

dondon33 · 15/05/2012 18:49

*lifechanger not lifesaver :)

Krumbum · 15/05/2012 19:09

Why would he come to yours to work out? Why would he not do that at his own house? That's very weird. If he won't leave when let him in then don't let him in at all. Is he safe around the kids? If you want him to see them then meet him out somewhere that he can pick them up he doesnt need to be at yours to see them. What does he think is unfair about you not letting him work out in your house? That's crazy, reverse the roles and you'll see how mental that is.

lolajane2009 · 15/05/2012 19:09

why do you let him in your house at all?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 15/05/2012 19:12

Unreasonable? Don't be daft. I am agog as 2 gogs at his total fucking cheek Shock what a tosspot. I wouldn't let him over my threshold from now on. No bloody need.

Original poster
CaptainHetty · 15/05/2012 19:23

Why do I let him in my house at all? Good question. I suppose I thought by letting him here to put the children to bed etc it would lessen the effect of the breakup on them. I see now that was probably the wrong decision to make, as I'm still being walked all over.

But again, I thank everyone for their support and it's something I'm ready to sort out no once and for all :)

OP posts:
dondon33 · 15/05/2012 19:26

Let us know how you get on Hetty, even if you are an evil wicked witch :)
Good luck xx

manicbmc · 15/05/2012 19:30

If he wants to tuck the kids in, maybe he should find a bigger place to live (i.e. save up and move) so they can stay over at his sometimes.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 15/05/2012 19:37

Don't move it to the shed or you're still storing it for him so what's the difference? Tell him to come and fetch it - if he kicks up a stink tell him you're no longer putting up with his shit it's not insured on your contents insurance so he needs to keep it at his place and adequately insure it. If he doesn't fetch it, it'll stay in your garden until someone else 'fetches' it Grin.

Hopandaskip · 15/05/2012 19:41

if he throws a wobbly then laugh at him.

Original poster
CaptainHetty · 16/05/2012 15:23

Well he's agreed to move it. He says he doesn't see how him being here 'to see the kids' is intruding on my personal life in any way - he seems to think working out here is spending time with the kids if he talks to them as he does it Hmm I couldn't be bothered to rise to it, so I've simply said it's unacceptable, it is an intrusion and we'll sort out him seeing the children around his work hours, not him turning up when he feels like it. He also knows he needs to move the bike ASAP because the shed, although in an enclosed garden, is not secure and it certainly isn't covered by my insurance. As far as I'm concerned he's been made aware it's not secure, so if something does happen to the bike between now and when he moves it, that's not my problem.

He's aware the situation and his access is not up for discussion and that I'll decide who comes in my house and when. He did throw a paddy, apparently he's going to move to Southampton with his mates anyway and it's my fault, so I'll be the one to blame when he can only see the kids once a month... The usual attempts to manipulate me.

I told him to grow up and talk to me when he can engage in conversation like a big boy. He text me an hour later and apologised, I accepted the apology but said what I've said still stands - my home is just that, my home, and he has no right to intrude upon it whenever he feels bored. He has the funds to live somewhere big enough for the kids to stay if he chose to, so I don't feel it's my prerogative to carry on as I have been.

I feel more in control of the situation now, so thank you :o

OP posts:
samandi · 16/05/2012 16:00

This has to be one of the weirdest things I've read on AIBU today.

FridayOLeary · 16/05/2012 16:17

I dunno, Samandi, it ticks a fair few MN boxes: huge sense of entitlement, leave the bastard etc Grin

bruxeur · 16/05/2012 16:20

Excellent outcome. Just be careful the seat stay doesn't loosen during the bike's stay in the shed, that would be very unfortunate.

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