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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS announced "I am gay" over dinner. WIBU to talk to his teacher about this?

40 replies

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/05/2012 20:42

DS(5yo) told me tonight that he was gay. I asked him what gay means and he replied that if 2 boys love eachother then they are gay.

I asked him who told him this and he said "Today in school I told X that I loved him. Y said that I was gay, that when a boy loves another boy that means gay.". He then went on to give me a list of all the boys and girls he loves aka his friends.

Should I mention it to his teacher? He is in yr1.

OP posts:
DogEared · 14/05/2012 20:43

No! Don't be ridiculous. What would you say???

marriedinwhite · 14/05/2012 20:44

No don't mention it to his teacher. Talk to him honestly and frankly in a way appropriate for a 5 year old. Tell him that he can love any number of people on an emotional plane and that love makes one feel happy and happy is the original meaning of gay.

viagrafalls · 14/05/2012 20:44

Aww, bless him.
I'd have a word with the teacher yes, he clearly does love his friends very much but there has been a misunderstanding somewhere. 5 is so young - can you explain a little without going into depth about platonic love?

Softlysoftly · 14/05/2012 20:45

Why would his teacher care Hmm tbh on the very very simplest five yr old level that's kind of true, it's not offensive to say either. Unless it was "ew your A GAY" point laugh. I'd ignore it unless you want to get into detail abou how he has to have sex with them too?

viagrafalls · 14/05/2012 20:46

I only meant talk to the teacher incase there is some kind of name calling going on not because he might be 'gay'

Debeez · 14/05/2012 20:46

Don't think there's a need for teacher. As viagrafalls suggested, a talk about platonic love and how it's very real and meaningful, and the special love that people who get married (men and women, men and men, women and women) have for each other. Doesn't have to be graphic.

ShutUpMeg · 14/05/2012 20:47

The teacher may have more that one child in her care - and therefore not give a shit.

Also, he's 5. There are no gay/straight 5 year olds. don't be daft. Is he your first?

Has he seen the ocean? as that might help.

Softlysoftly · 14/05/2012 20:48

I'd still ignore it tbh, I mean my niece (6) is convinced as my nephew (also 6) is her BFF that means they will one day live together and be married. Should we be explaining the whole 1st cousins webbed feet thing?

JeanBodel · 14/05/2012 20:49

I would mention it to the teacher, simply because I think there's far too much of this 'eww, you're gay' culture going on in schools.

gafhyb · 14/05/2012 20:51

Why do you want to talk to the teacher?

SunflowersSmile · 14/05/2012 20:52

I would also mention it to the teacher in a matter of fact way.

ApocalypseThen · 14/05/2012 20:52

So glad I'm not a teacher. Who in their right mind wants the parents of every child in the class reporting back what their children said other children said?

There'd be killings.

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 14/05/2012 20:52

I don't understand why?

thebody · 14/05/2012 20:53

Bless him how nice he sounds, why would u talk to the teacher?? Innocent at this age, when they get older it's the oh your gay crsp and then it's for school to deal with, just tell him it's lovely to love his friends.

growingbytheday · 14/05/2012 20:54

i remember my 5 yo dgs announcing he was going to marry his best friend (male) over sunday lunch and dsil almost swallowed his tongue! dd and i said that was lovely but probably when he was older he would find a girl he liked more-still snigger every time i remember it hehe :)

Mrbojangles1 · 14/05/2012 20:55

He loves a boy so what I actally thinks that's really sweet

You answer should be that's nice dear and finish dinner

gordyslovesheep · 14/05/2012 20:56

well 2 boys who love each other may well be gay - being gay isn't wrong or bad - loving your friends isn't bad - bless him - don't be overly dramatic - just smile and say 'that's nice dear'.

Hownoobrooncoo · 14/05/2012 20:57

My 6 yr old is fascinated by the whole gay/lesbian thing, they usually hear it from big brothers or older school kids. Just explain there are different types of love and they are all valid. I hate the whole 'gay' name calling thing though and come down hard on my kids when they do it and explain that you should never use it as an insult etc. Don't think their is any need to involve the teacher though unless he is upset or getting picked on.

Kewcumber · 14/05/2012 21:00

I don;t talk about gay being "in love" they don;t undersatnd the different kinds of love at that age. I tell DS (if the subject comes up) that its a boy (or girls) who want to marry another boy (girl - delete as appropriate) and that you have to be a grown up to get married.

Not sure why the teacher needs to be involved.

ApocalypseThen · 14/05/2012 21:01

Hello MrsMySonsTeacher. John said boys who love each other are gay. Just thought you'd like to know. Also, Mary said that dirty girls get nits, Oliver said that eating snails gives you windypops and Janey said that reading books are for nerds.

More tomorrow.

Dinosaurhunter · 14/05/2012 21:05

If there's name calling tell his teacher .

Original poster
DioneTheDiabolist · 14/05/2012 21:05

I don't mean that I want to tell her he's gay. I have no idea whether he is or not.

I'm just wondering if I should mention it so that if there is any "eww you're gay" stuff going on she can deal with it.

I was going to speak to her anyway as his goldfish died today and he has been a bit upset. I see her every morning in the playground, so it's not like I'd be making an appointment or going into the class or anything.

OP posts:
HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 14/05/2012 21:07

If he announced it quite happily over dinner then I don't think the gay comments would have been said as an insult. It sounds to me like the other child has just had 'gay' explained to him and was pleased to be able to demonstrate his knowledge.

mercibucket · 14/05/2012 21:11

Some of you sound very very innocent about the way 'gay' is used as an insult in school. Yes, I would ask school (ie head) what they do to address the use of homophobic insults in school - wider than just the reception class I would guess

mercibucket · 14/05/2012 21:11

Some of you sound very very innocent about the way 'gay' is used as an insult in school. Yes, I would ask school (ie head) what they do to address the use of homophobic insults in school - wider than just the reception class I would guess

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