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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS announced "I am gay" over dinner. WIBU to talk to his teacher about this?

40 replies

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/05/2012 20:42

DS(5yo) told me tonight that he was gay. I asked him what gay means and he replied that if 2 boys love eachother then they are gay.

I asked him who told him this and he said "Today in school I told X that I loved him. Y said that I was gay, that when a boy loves another boy that means gay.". He then went on to give me a list of all the boys and girls he loves aka his friends.

Should I mention it to his teacher? He is in yr1.

OP posts:
Krumbum · 14/05/2012 21:52

Tell him that it's different when you grow up and you love ppl in a different way whether they are a boy or a girl. But when your a child you just have friends and family who you love but it doesn't make you gay or straight. What would you speak to the teacher for?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/05/2012 21:57

I don't see why you shouldn't tell her. If you do talk to her, you can tell her the explanation you have given your ds and then if it comes up in school, and she can be consistent with her approach when talking to him about it. That can only be a good thing.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 14/05/2012 22:01

Your ds sounds completely wonderful Smile - lucky you.

Shutupanddrive · 14/05/2012 22:06

No, don't worry about it at all. Ds1 (age6) told me last week he was in love with another boy. I just said 'oh that's nice', a week later he didn't even remember saying it. I told him that it's ok for a boy to like a boy or a girl to like a girl etc, it doesn't matter. He doesn't seem bothered and neither am I. Let it go, As long as he is happy

MagicHouse · 14/05/2012 22:09

I can't see a problem with mentioning to the teacher. As a teacher myself, I'd be happy to talk with a parent about what had been said, and would discuss it with the class if I thought it were appropriate.

Original poster
DioneTheDiabolist · 14/05/2012 22:31

Thank you all for your replies. I will not mention it to his teacher, it was all quite matter of fact and there was no upset or judgement either way. So I think that it was probably just Y sharing his knowledge, which DS kindly passed onto me over dinnerSmile.

I'm spending a couple of hours with the Parent Liason Officer tomorrow. I will mention it to her and she can pass it on if she feels the need.

OP posts:
BlackholesAndRevelations · 14/05/2012 22:54

Two of my five year old boys in my class said they loved each other. I just said there are lots if types of love and you love your mum, best friend, brother etc. Someone else (streetwise, bigger brothers) said ghat when boys love eachother they're gay, and I just said yes that can be true, but reiterated that friends can love eachother (think I said j love my best friend because she's my best friend, but it's different to the way I love my mum etc etc) then probably moved swiftly on.

Children deserve to be told the facts in an age appropriate way.

It's only worth going to the teacher if the other boys, rather than being matter of fact, are actually giving out insults.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 14/05/2012 22:56

Cross posted as typing unbelievably slowly in my phone!! Sorry!

Rubirosa · 14/05/2012 23:02

It doesn't sound like gay is being used as an insult here though.

If you are really bothered I would explain that being gay means a grown-up man loves another man like mummy loves daddy, but loving your friends is something different.

TheFallenMadonna · 14/05/2012 23:06

I'm not innocent about how "gay" is used as a homophobic insult. I'm a secondary school teacher. I also know that my DD at least (who is 8) doesn't know it is misused in that way. She doesn know that it means being in love though (she would make kissy kissy noises there to illustrate Hmm) rather than other kinds of love. If she heard a boy say he loved another boy, she might be quite keen to clarify which kind of love it was, because she likes to order her world. She wouldn't be fussed either way, she'd just like know. As when she quizzed her friend who is the child of a single mother by choice on where the sperm came from Blush

moajab · 14/05/2012 23:55

If you think gay was being used as an insult then you should inform the school. But if not I wouldn't worry about it. My DS announced he was gay at a similar age. I had already explained that gay was a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman. My DS, typical 5 year old boy, doesn't like girls, so announced he was gay!

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2012 01:20

If you are sure it's all innocent (insult-wise) then don't worry. My DN told me she was a lesbian years ago (when she was 5). I told her that was great but the fact that she had had so many 'boyfriends' at school meant that she might make a pretty lousy lesbian. Now she hates boys so you never know.

shuffleballchange · 15/05/2012 10:40

At 5, DS1 was going to martry his best (male) friend. At 6 he wants to marry his baby brother. No way is he going to marry a girl. At 5 my best friend at school wanted to be a horse when she grew up...................see where I'm going with this??!! Mention it to the teacher if it makes you feel better but really, kids are kids, there is no way 5 year olds are homophobic

skrullandcrossbones · 15/05/2012 10:43

DS2 announced this morning that he is going to marry Henry Hoover (his toy vacuum cleaner). I expect there is a word for man-hoover love, but will have to look it up :)

porcamiseria · 15/05/2012 10:57

oh this has tickled me! leave it, he will forget in a few days, when ready but think he's a but young for sex chat

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