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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to feel a bit miffed at another mum at swimming lessons?

53 replies

oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 18:06

Kids were showering after their swimming lesson and DS (5y) was shampooing his hair and body (which we don't normally do, he normally just has a good rinse). So he's rinsing off and stands directly under the shower so all the shampoo went over his face and in his eye and starts screaching and crying. I tell him from the edge of the shower area (no shoes allowed) to get back under the shower and rinse it all out, cue more shrieking and general overreacting (he's great at hamming it up at the worst time). So I step in a bit and guide him back under the shower, so I could help rinse his face. Only I didn't get chance to do that as another mum came marching over, turned DS round by the shoulders and started rubbing at his eyes, I said to her that it was ok and he was overreacting a bit, was a no more tears shampoo so nice and gentle. She didn't say anything then, just walked back to her own kid.

Was a bit put out really, I was quite clearly handling the situation (although obviously not to her satisfaction), I don't think she had any right to just come and take over! From him getting shampoo in his eyes to the woman coming over must have been all of 10-15 seconds - I really didn't think I was unreasonable to try to get DS to sort it himself before intervening, he's been fine doing this at bath time. I felt like everyone was tutting and head shaking at The Bad Mother Over There Sad

OP posts:
2shoes · 14/05/2012 18:16

she should have kept out of it, rubbing his eyes would make it worse

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2012 18:17

maybe she was just trying to be helpful?
you couldn't help, he was screaming, she got him sorted.

DeathCab · 14/05/2012 18:17

Thats a bit bloody out of order of her!

If i was there i would have been looking at her like she was mad! Not you..

YANBU.

nailak · 14/05/2012 18:18

erm, she saw a child in distress whose mother was not able to go to him, so she helped him.

i cant see exactly what she did wrong.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 14/05/2012 18:20

Jeeeeez - can't ANYBODY help someone without getting slagged off???!!!!

You could at least have said 'thank you' to her!!

Heyyyho · 14/05/2012 18:20

At least she did something to try and help
Although it was a bit misjudged its not the end of the world...

DeathCab · 14/05/2012 18:20

nailak are you joking? Would you really be happy with some random woman taking over with your child?!
It was none of her business.

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2012 18:21

Bloody hell, she was just trying to help a five year old rinse his eyes.

YABU

You had shoes on, you couldn't have helped him rinse could you?

sensuallettuce · 14/05/2012 18:21

Does it actually matter? Hmm

captainmummy · 14/05/2012 18:22

I used to hate mums who shampooed and conditioned and soaped their dcs in the shower at the pool while other kids are shivering waiting to get under the hot water!

FGS take them home and wash them properly at home in your own time. A quick rinse to get the chlorine off and warm up a bit is fine usually

WithACherryOnTop · 14/05/2012 18:22

I don't see that what she did was all that bad.She should have waited though,as you were attending to him.

That said,I wouldn't presume that a no more tears shampoo wouldn't sting badly.I'm sure I remember a rather PFB mumsnetter who deliberately poured a no more tears shampoo into her eyes,to see how much it'd sting her PFB's eyes,saying that it really hurt.

Shutupanddrive · 14/05/2012 18:23

Yabu how rude!

Mutt · 14/05/2012 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shutupanddrive · 14/05/2012 18:23

Oops I mean YANBU!!

oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 18:25

I was right next to DS and was about to step one foot into the shower area when she came across right from the other side (as I said, supposedly no shoes allowed) and turned him round as I literally had hands on him about to help - to me that's not helping, that's taking over because she felt she could handle it better.

I also want to point out I wasn't sharp or off with her despite feeling quite put out about it all, I just wanted to get DS dried, dressed and home for tea.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 14/05/2012 18:25

15 seconds of a child screaming in pain is a long time actually. I think she was trying to help you and your son and if I'd been there I would have done the same as she did. I think you should have said thank you.

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2012 18:25

deathcab, if my kid was screaming in the showers and ic ouldn't help him and someone else did then i would be very grateful!

wouldn't you?

fortifiedwithtea · 14/05/2012 18:26

I think she was well meaning but tactless, she didn't ask whether you needed her help.

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2012 18:27

i have to say that, rightly or wrongly (probably wrongly!) sometimes other people kid screaming really, really gets to me. and i do begin to think "fgs just sort your kid out" (if it's something that can be sorted, obs not tantrums etc)... so i can imagine feeling like that and just coming over to help just to make him stop scremaing!

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2012 18:27

but yes, agree that she should have asked.

complexnumber · 14/05/2012 18:27

Maybe you were not 'quite (as) clearly handling the situation' as well as you thought.

She was trying to help.

oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 18:28

captainmummy If you read my OP you will see that it is not usual for us to shampoo and wash, he usually just has a rinse. He missed his bath last night and it was easier to get it sorted after swimming than faffing about at home running a bath (no shower at home).

OP posts:
nailak · 14/05/2012 18:28

DeathCab Mon 14-May-12 18:20:42
nailak are you joking? Would you really be happy with some random woman taking over with your child?!
It was none of her business.

i am of the "it takes a villahe to raise a child" camp, and I would be put out if no one in the showers bothered to help my child when they were in distress tbh.

I would have done the same as her too.

whats next, when a child falls down in the park near me, I shouldnt help but wait for their parent to come from outside of the play area in to help them, as I dont want to be seen as controlling?

OP i think you are being oversensitive and ridiculous.
She was trying to do you a favour so you didnt have to come in with shoes on.

WorraLiberty · 14/05/2012 18:29

Perhaps you pissed her off by wearing your shoes in an area you clearly shouldn't?

Look at it from her point of view instead of your own for a minute.

She's in the shower area with her own child

A 5yr old is "screaching and crying" because he's got shampoo in his eyes

His Mum is teetering on the edge of the shower telling him to get back in and rinse it.

He doesn't/can't manage and carries on shrieking and crying

Mother steps dirty shoe into shower area to try to help him...so this other woman decides to help instead.

Definitely not a bloody crime or rude Hmm

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/05/2012 18:29

A stranger came up and grabbed your child and started touching your child's face when he was upset?

No, YANBU. I can't believe that anyone could possibly think this is ok? We have certain unspoken rules in society. Refraining from grabbing and rubbing other people's children is one of them.

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