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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to feel a bit miffed at another mum at swimming lessons?

53 replies

oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 18:06

Kids were showering after their swimming lesson and DS (5y) was shampooing his hair and body (which we don't normally do, he normally just has a good rinse). So he's rinsing off and stands directly under the shower so all the shampoo went over his face and in his eye and starts screaching and crying. I tell him from the edge of the shower area (no shoes allowed) to get back under the shower and rinse it all out, cue more shrieking and general overreacting (he's great at hamming it up at the worst time). So I step in a bit and guide him back under the shower, so I could help rinse his face. Only I didn't get chance to do that as another mum came marching over, turned DS round by the shoulders and started rubbing at his eyes, I said to her that it was ok and he was overreacting a bit, was a no more tears shampoo so nice and gentle. She didn't say anything then, just walked back to her own kid.

Was a bit put out really, I was quite clearly handling the situation (although obviously not to her satisfaction), I don't think she had any right to just come and take over! From him getting shampoo in his eyes to the woman coming over must have been all of 10-15 seconds - I really didn't think I was unreasonable to try to get DS to sort it himself before intervening, he's been fine doing this at bath time. I felt like everyone was tutting and head shaking at The Bad Mother Over There Sad

OP posts:
DeathCab · 14/05/2012 18:30

The OP never said she couldn't help him, she was standing right there.
So for someone else to come over and act like I couldn't look after my child, no I wouldn't be grateful.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/05/2012 18:30

She was trying to help. As you said, your son was overreacting. I would have been really embarrassed at that show and grateful that anybody helped him.

You obviously do feel put out about it; I just can't see why, other than the fact that you could have reacted much quicker yourself rather than let him scream and carry on.

Next time, just rinse him and chuck him in the car so nobody dares lay hands on him.

Original poster
oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 18:31

Northernlurker He wasn't in pain, I could tell - he was being quite mard and overreacting - as I said in my OP, he's at a stage where he really goes to town on any sort of negative reaction and we're trying to teach him to not make such a fuss.

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 14/05/2012 18:31

She was trying to help. Stop being miffed when a strangers offer a sincere helping hand. No need to be grateful to her but just accept that she was really trying to help your son.

Coconutty · 14/05/2012 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

captainmummy · 14/05/2012 18:32

OP I used to take the dc every week but there were always 1 or 2 mums who would hog the 3-4 working showers for 15 minutes or so. If my dc weren't in 1st, we would rather go home and shower than wait. Not having a go at you per se.

One mother would do the whole shampoo/rinse/conditioner/rinse procedure on her dd, then towel her dry, then talc her all over, then dress her, comb and dry her hair - it was like her own personal washtime.

Oh and the dd was at least 14.

nailak · 14/05/2012 18:35

poster OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 14-May-12 18:29:52
A stranger came up and grabbed your child and started touching your child's face when he was upset?

No, YANBU. I can't believe that anyone could possibly think this is ok? We have certain unspoken rules in society. Refraining from grabbing and rubbing other people's children is one of them.

so if a child is about to run on the road, you would let them?
if a child was about to fall of the climbing frame you would let them?
If a child falls over in front of you you wouldnt pick them up?

you wouldnt help a child in distress or who appears hurt? I totally disagree about this unspoken rule.

MrsCampbellBlack · 14/05/2012 18:35

I think she behaved a bit oddly. But I have a 'dramatic' child and if at 5 some strange woman started to rub his eyes it would have made things a lot worse.

I guess she was trying to help but she should have left it to you.

TheFallenMadonna · 14/05/2012 18:38

You are projecting. Nobody implied you were a bad mother. Someone who was on the spot tried to help. That's all.

Original poster
oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 18:39

Erm, captainmummy, that's kind of irrelevant since this is not what we did - even if we shampoo it's 2 minutes of a job and I usually encourage the DCs to share their shower with other children so one is rinsing while the other one is lathering up. It's not like I feel I have a particular entitlement to hog the shower and this is not what we did.

Can I also just say that the other mum also had her shoes on and was walking about in the shower area where she shouldn't have been, I purposely directed DS to a shower right near the edge so I could help him without stepping in and breaking the rules

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 14/05/2012 18:41

YOU could tell he was making a fuss. She couldn't and she tried to help him.

Mutt · 14/05/2012 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mynewpassion · 14/05/2012 18:42

Maybe her kid needed help and she went to help him. Just because there are rules, it couldn't be broken if someone needed help.

Northernlurker · 14/05/2012 18:43

Look I'm sorry but you're giving out very mixed messages from your posts:

He's 5 (which is little in my book) but has to shower himself
He got shampoo in his eye but was unreasonably making a fuss
He was to wash by himself but you were still nearby so you could help
When he needed help you didn't directly help but feel aggrieved somebody else did and you had time to notice what was on her feet?

Ok.

Mutt · 14/05/2012 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 14/05/2012 18:47

She tried to help. Confused. Doubt she'll bother again.

Original poster
oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 18:54

I mentioned about the shoes thing because someone else mentioned the fact that the other mother was probably miffed that I was stepping one foot into the shower. Am I really supposed to sit there and not explain the situation whilst someone else dreams up the most bizarre scenario they can think of?

You don't need to put asterisks round each word, just one either end, thanks for the concern but it really wasn't that much trouble!

Northerlurker - what's mixed about getting your kid to wash himself and be a bit independent but be there in case he needs my help? Isn't that generally the essence of being a parent?

I have a DD who is 8y so done this all before, maybe I should be making apologies for not being PFB enough over DC2?

I had my hand on DS's head ready to help yet the other mum still felt it was appropriate to remove DS from my care so she could sort him out herself, which she had to come from the other side of the showers to do.

I think it's human nature to think back and question what happened and what could have been done different as well as being prone to being a bit paranoid about being made a bit of a show of.

OP posts:
complexnumber · 14/05/2012 18:54

Would people have different responses if the person was a male helping his own child?

Glitterkitten24 · 14/05/2012 18:57

Wasn't she just trying to be helpful? She could see that you had shoes on and couldn't get close enough so was trying to help one parent to another?

Think you might BU to be honest.

Original poster
oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 19:05

glitter - other parent also had shoes on and shouldn't have even been in the shower area, I was closer to DS and was in the process of helping him when she took over.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/05/2012 19:05

Oneofthosedays, you don't have to explain yourself to people that are over thinking what was a perfectly normal thing to do (shower and help your child after swimming).

You asked a perfectly simple AIBU, and I can't see why you are being jumped on.

As for the what ifs I was presented with (sorry, can't see the name of who wrote them) I don't think they are the same as OP described. A child wasn't in immediate danger, and a child wasn't upset for some reason without a parent extremely near by. This womans behaviour was rude to the OP, who was dealing with her own child and didn't need her help. If she had needed the help, it woudo have been a kind thing to do. But she didn't, and it sounded to me like it was obvious that a parent was dealing with this the way she wanted to.

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2012 19:06

"complexnumber Mon 14-May-12 18:54:39
Would people have different responses if the person was a male helping his own child?"

errr, no. cos thankfully i don't think that every single male on the planet is a paedophile

if i was helping my child and someone came over to us i'd say "thanks but i've got it"
if i hadn't, in fact, "got it" I would say thank you to them for helping out.

NovackNGood · 14/05/2012 19:14

If he was capable enough to lather the shampoo up his head why was ne not capable enogh to keep this actin going under the water.

If you lathered him up then sent him back in then you are being unreasonable for not having appropriate footwear and for getting anooyed with the other woman. Couldn't you take a pair of oversocks for your shoes or flip flops with you.

mynewpassion · 14/05/2012 19:22

Now, I know you are being massively unreasonable. showoff! She was trying to help your son when she saw your child being distressed, not knowing that he was just being overly dramatic, she was already in the shower area with her shoes on helping her own child.

I think you are seeing shadows where there aren't. Have a glass wine and relax.

Original poster
oneofthosedays · 14/05/2012 19:40

I can't believe the assumptions members make when people post on here - where the hell did I say I had helped him lather up the shampoo?! This is getting so ridiculous it's funny! I've got enough shite to cart about with me when taking 2 kids swimming without having to remember overshoes and/or flip flops, blimey! I didn't need them as I could reach DS. Some posters seem to be ignoring the fact that I was with him all along, talking him through at first then physically helping him.

I'm leaving this thread well alone now before people can think of any more bizarre and outlandish presumptions. Off for a Wine and some cake Grin

OP posts: