To expect to be consulted on planning major family events...?

[siriusly]

If a major event was happening in your family, hatches, matches, dispatches, etc would you expect the organiser to ask you first if day was ok before sending out invites? i would - just did a big family day out for 20 for Aunt's 80th, and asked all parties beforehand to send an email with dates that were non-negotiable so that I could plan event. Everyone co-operated - day went well. Now, my sibling, has planned a communion and not asked anyone beforehand and is pissed off that we, and others, can't attend. AIBU or AIHighly and perhaps too Overorganised??

No I wouldnt to be honest!!! There is always gonna be someone who cant make it! YABU!

oh - Betty that wasn't what I wanted to hear....

Well... I've just booked DD's baptism without asking anyone's available dates! I know vaugely people's holiday dates and have avoided them, but other than that I wanted to be flexable in dates for the vicar and my husband's work dates more than anything else so, just to make me feel better, YABU

Hmm - I'm not sure tbh

I don't recall taking a straw poll for our wedding/DDs wedding/any other big event?

It would be a nightmare anyway in our family what with working commitments etc.

Boboks - well sibling has managed to clash with Aunt's holiday. Salmotrutta - events are usually booked well in advance though. We were given 2 weeks notice!

Depends, I checked with dd's grandparents and godparents for her dedication then booked a date that suited them, us and the church. Everyone else came or not as they were able to. So yabu to think everyone to check, but your sister is bvu in being off with you if you can't make it when she didn't check first!

wouldn't necessarily expect to be consulted - although would be nice as my working hours are not 9-5 Mon-Fri. That said if you don't ask then Y(sibling)ABU to then be pissed off that people can't attend

Does she get any say in when her DC's communion is? In our parish, you're just told 'First Communions will be on X date', and that's that.

No I wouldn't. I wouldn't plan, say a baptism, on a time I knew the grandparents were on holiday. But I wouldn't worry about checking all siblings etc. But I wouldn't be insulted if they then can't attend, in some cases I'd probably be relieved

Might depend on the excuses I suppose. I'm already booked to my best friend's wedding would be fine. I need to visit my neighbour who's dog has just had it's vaccinations would probably count as a "I don't want to come" to me.

I think I'd find it vaguely irritating if I got consulted on every even for all the Aunts. Tell me when it is and if there isn't a prior booking we will come.
Recently dh's grandma had her 90th. The first we knew of anything happeneing was the invite, which is roughly what I'd expect.

No - Dh has a large family and you aren't going to please everyone.

If I asked everyone and one or two said no you are back at the drawing board looking for a new date and ringing round again.

I've missed family stuff because of work - it's just the way it goes sometimes.

thanks eskarina

I wouldn't.

The organiser organises it for when it suits them/when the church or hotel or whatever is available and everyone else gets an invite. Which they can accept or decline.

YABU to expect to be consulted but equally, your sister is being unreasonable to not check the dates and then get annoyed people can't come.

will just feel peturbed that I must be overly organised and emotionally sensitive to needs of my family, and cross with sis for not treating me with same respect!

I organise lots of parties and get togethers and I never consult all of the invitees. It would be unworkable madness. If people can't make it they can't make it. YABU

#I would expect the date of the COmmunions to be dictated (as it were) by the Church - the family won't have had any say in the date.
IME, in a Catholic Church it tends to be the whole class going through, so the date won't be negotiable by any individual family. In CofE Churches (again, IMrecentE) it is a date when the Bishop can come, so it's rather fixed by him, and even in the 'freer' churches, it is down to the date when the minister can make it, and it's not clashing with other things going on.

So, I suspect your sister didn't have a choice of date.

YABU first communions are usually done once a year and the church dicates the day the service is held. I doult your SIL had any say on what day the service was.

I think your SIL is unreasonable expecting you to attend unless you have been been given tons of notice.

A communion isn't something that you can choose the date, its a date where all the school/church is involved, and its either held on a Saturday or Sunday, so YABU, to think that she should have consulted you all beforehand, as its not a date that she could choose.

she is BU however to be annoyed that people cant attend due to other commitments.

As others have said, you don't chose the date of a communion, it's done to suit school/church/bishop. But that said, it's not on to be annoyed if people can't make dates they've had no choice in arranging.

Are you a Virgo OP?

yabu - you can't "plan" hatches and dispatches

but yanbu if she knew the date of the party

Agree with Ruby Lennox- in our parish the priest tells everyone when the Communion will be, otherwise he would have to check with 30/40 families and their collective guests for a date that suits. Just not practical. So unless it is a private communion ( v.rare) than YABU.

God I hate it when people ask u for free dates before booking events as it doesn't leave u any room for lying and saying u r busy.
she's probably masking relief as disappointment if u r this judgy all the time.
I think u r perhaps a tad smug at being so much more organised and capable than your 'sibling'

By the way is that a new endearment for the old term of sister.??

of course dispatches can be planned!! communion is happening when bubba is 9 months though..... she knew the dates, just can be a bit of a diva at times I guess

Communion at 9 months?? Which church is that?

Don't you mean baptism? Communion usually happens when people are old enough to know what they're doing. Unless she's booked it for 13 years hence? In which case she's right to be peed off you're busy!