to refuse antidepressants....

[Longdistance]

....from the doc, as my situation can be resolved, without pills.
Just been to the doc's, and i've had a viral infection all week. I'm mildly asthmatic, and the doc gave me 2 inhalers, and some antibiotics. I then proceeded to break down and cry in front of the doc , and told her about our move to Australia, and how unhappy I have been, and that I miss everyone, and that my dh has been a complete arse about everything. I refused the anti depressants, as feel they are not the answer.
When the opportunity came up to move to Oz, it was discussed prior, and we agreed, that it wasn't for us, as we had been on holiday, and it didn't wow us. So, that was left on the back burner.
Que back 4months later, and the guy here in Oz (same company as UK) contacts dh again, and says he has a job for him. Dh jumps at the chance, and then pressures me into saying yes (I was 6 months pg at the time, and ill). He was impossible to live with, and feel he bullied me into this :(
I have had to give up everything in my life for this move, and it has made me very unhappy. I have given up my job (although they haven't dealt with my resignation yet), my family, and friends. Just so dh can work here in Oz. I ahve previously given up a lot in this relationship, and he has taken, and now I think I'm paying the price.
Since we've been here my dh has treated me badly (he hasn't hit me), just hasn't given me any emotional support, and has been constantly on my case about things, such as you need to do this, and this. I'm a grown woman of 36, and don't need telling what needs doing. I did very well on my own before, and don't need his dictatorship. Things like going for a night out. I might not fancy going, as one of the evenings I was dropping my dbro at the airport, and didn't want to leave my car in the city, and get a taxi back. The timing was poor, so he kept going on and on about it. Constantly asking why the housekeeping money isn't enough. He pressured me into buying a car I didn't want.
This is the most unhappy I have been in my life, and I just don't know what to do?!
Was I right to refuse the antidepressants?
Sorry for the long post, and any (sp) mistakes as I'm crying writing this :(

I won't say exactly what I did, but it was customer based, with lots of travel involved :)

Sil that's amazing, gets to know evrything, as she's my only friend here, that I can let off about. She is a clued up person, and knows herself what he's been like. She agrees that it's been outragous all the way through.
I am so tired of it all. It has pushed me to the edge, and it's worse that I'm ill, so am very weak atm.
I would like her to say something, but I don't know if that would be a good thing or not.

I just wondered if you could get a 457 in your own right, I bet you could even a 176 maybe.

YANBU to not take the anti depressants, my understanding of depression is feeling "down with no reason", an inability to be positive about anything, even if things are going well.

If you've been torn from your life by a controlling DH and then stuck at home on a tight "housekeeping budget", missing family and raising 2 little kids on your own - that's depressing. Anti depressants are not going to make that go away.

The issues with your partner need to be addressed, he needs to appreciate this sacrifice you've made, be much more forthcoming with financials - the costs of living are different (higher) in Perth, and trust you to make good choices (financially and emotionally) for you and the children.

But, putting that aside for one moment, how can you get yourself into a better place/routine? I am from Perth, which is a spread out place, but the things I did there when the kids were little included:

• Playgroup WA groups: www.playgroupaustralia.com.au/wa/ - you can search for local groups, attend a session or two free and can be the best network to meet mums with kids a similar age, as well as tap into what other kids activities are popular. Sometimes it takes a few trys to get into a group that feels comfortable for you, but often they are quite cheap and make great friends through them.
• there are some great playgrounds around - Kings Park has several, and there is this website to search for playgrounds with coffee in easy reach! www.acoffeeinthepark.com/
• walking along the river is great, always things to find, nice paths and of course free. For us, the beach was a bit too "hard" with little kids, the river is much easier.
• we joined the zoo and scitech, both terrific kids places - and scitech was great as if the weather was bad it's all indoors.

So firstly work on your own happiness, find things you enjoy and give you and the kids a routine that makes you happy - don't wait for DH to allow things, just make yourself and the kids a top priority. Secondly, tell DH that his financial control and lack of support will not be allowed to continue. If you don't have full access to bank accounts, keycards, credit cards etc within a week, he will come home to an empty home. Follow this through with a night at sister-in-laws, or a hotel, you are not a child who needs protecting from the burden of finances.

Best of luck, Perth is a great city, but any city is a challenge when you have no friends or support and young kids to look after.

Thanks Jenny70. I have found my local playgroupwa, and you have missed my posting, that it wasn't the friendliest place, unfortunately. I 'll look up the coffee in the park. Sounds good to me :)
I do find the beach hard with my two lo's as they are still young. Bad enough when we have help witht them. There is a farm near us, so I go as much as I can, as it's only $5.
I'm not a massive spender either, as shop in the markets for fresh stuff, and the kids clothes are from Big W mainly.

That's why I didn't want the anti d's, as it's not that I'm not getting out and about, my cause can be helped. But, how is proving difficullt.

How are you longdistance?

Hi there, just wanted to give you a (((((hug))))) and say that I really do understand a lot of your story. I live in Nz and go through phases where I am terribly homesick. While my (kiwi) dh isn't a controlling arse, he is part of a family business and my mil is a needy, manipulative controlling person - during harder times I have thought about just taking off back to the uk but unfortunately everything about the Hague convention is true.
It would be extremely difficult to just leave with the dc. You can be
tracked down in the uk and forced to return.
But, you CAN change things, you just need a plan:

1. look after yourself as per jenny70's great post - do what it takes to get settled and happier in aus, friends, hobbies, a job if you can so you have independence and a support network, finances and bank account ideally.
2. try and repair your marriage - put your foot down with this arse. Can it be salvaged? Do you think you could still have a happy future with him?
3. get advice now from a solicitor 'just in case'
4. start making a note of everytime your dh treats you badly. Set up a new email account and email yourself anything he does that is financial, emotional or any other abuse. Email youself anything that may support you in the event of a nasty lawsuit. Copy someone else in that you trust ideally.

This may fly in the face of trying to forge yourself a happy life, and
trying to improve your relationship but if the shit hits the fan you don't want to be scrabbling around for 'evidence'

No, you don't need anti depressants. I know very hard it can be being an expat in even the best of circumstances. especially so far from home. Your dh needs to support you though, you need to be a team. Not the one-sided bullying going on at the moment. He needs a wake-up call and to stop being a selfish, control freak. And you need to take back control of your life and look out for yourself (and
your dcs) first and foremost.

Best of luck. We are here for you! You can get through this and be happier, it IS possible. If you need advice, a rant or just some friendly support keep posting here.