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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say "thanks but fuck off"?

61 replies

whoknowsnotme · 13/05/2012 23:33

Aaaghhh!!!

Im just so so so fed up of people questioning my parenting!
"baby should be on solid food by now" erm no, shes only 5 months
"baby should be sleeping through the night by now" how the fucks that your business?
"still breast feeding?!" no shit sherlock Hmm
"my baby was doing...by this stage"
"my baby was way further at ..."
" I've had three babies, i think i know what i am talking about"

.... i am just so so sick of being polite about it! I get this all the time, from friends with kids, friends without kids, and then to add insult to injury i get friends getting all shirty and offended if i don't take their advice, as if ive just insulted them or something!

It seems that everyone has a way for me to do things better ie the way they did it. Since when is ok for people to comment on the way other people choose to bring up their own children???

My dd is a very happy, chunky, healthy, loved little girl. Any idiot can see this so why oh why are people advising that i change the way i do things??

I do not want more "adult time"
I do not want to go back to work to feel fulfilled
I do not need you to tell me im spoiling my child with hugs/too much contact
I do not want to leave my child crying to show her "who is boss"
I do not want to listen to your unsolicited advice

Angry need a Brew and a Biscuit

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 00:04

Legum, my lovely mil does that, I don't think she realises and on the whole she's brilliant. You must talk to him (ok, I was using semaphore before) and today it was revealed that one can put chilli in jacket potatoes.my life is transformed.

blackeyedsusan · 14/05/2012 00:04

even parents are not the parents of your particular baby with all their little quirks and ways of doing things. here.. Brew

Wheezo · 14/05/2012 00:04

Is it obvious I only ever went to ONE baby and toddler group with DS?

A really good old friend went into competitive mum mode (our DSs are 6 weeks apart) and I could only cope with seeing her while talking utter bilge as above just to deflect and not engage with the one upmanship. We are FB friends only now. I do compliment photos of her son by way of apology. Blush

keepingupwiththejoneses · 14/05/2012 00:05

You are so not unreasonable. I hated that. My aunt was the worst for it. I remember her once having me in tears about how disgusting I was for giving my ds1 solids before he was 4 months ( at the time the recommended age was 3 months, ds was 10 weeks with severe reflux and hv had advised it) she was telling me how I was damaging him for life, he would never be healthy and would suffer with kidney problems his whole life, ds is now a perfectly healthy 6 ft 19 year old. Needless to say within a year her grandson was having an original farleys rusk in a bottle at 10 weeks at her hand whilst telling everyone how the hv had said she shouldn't do it 'but what do they know', I was a little smug knowing that was a hell of a lot worse than a spoon full of baby rice or puréed potato once a day.

Original poster
whoknowsnotme · 14/05/2012 00:05

haha wheezo thats actually just made me laugh out loud... i will be using those lines in future no doubt! Grin

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 00:05

Blackeyed, my health visitor said exactly that to me :)

blackeyedsusan · 14/05/2012 00:06

wow stealth,, I never knew that... does she mean whole chillies... the little red or green things?

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 00:08

No no, the sort you'd have with rice. It was revealed as something new that I may have possibly wondered about before but now I have permission I will run off to bake potatoes and heat chilli!
It is just her style though and I feel disloyal writing this.

blackeyedsusan · 14/05/2012 00:08

I wish I could go back and tell my sleep deprived self that 5 years ago.

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 00:09

Was you sleep deprived self lookking for new potato fillings?
:o

blackeyedsusan · 14/05/2012 00:09

perhaps she is excited at discovering it and thought that it must be a new thing...

blackeyedsusan · 14/05/2012 00:10

i am replying to the post before last every time it seems... like that sketch off the 2 ronnies...

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2012 00:12

I think next time I get such a pearl of wisdom i'll do a dd style exaggerated "oh FANK you mummy" followed by my best les Dawson. Might make us all laugh, at least.

blackeyedsusan · 14/05/2012 00:14
Grin
blackeyedsusan · 14/05/2012 00:15

... oh and we briefly made it to the top of the most active threads list..

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/05/2012 00:23

"baby should be sleeping through the night by now"
Seriously, people come out with this crap ? At 5 months?

I'm 49 and it's still not a given! Smile

Original poster
whoknowsnotme · 14/05/2012 00:26

so glad its not just me then! Sorry, that sounds quite bad, but its true!

Had to leave the computer momentarily because said dd is dictating my life and had the audacity to drop out her dummy yes we use a dummy too ,wake up and demand a little cuddle! the bitch Wink

on a different note, i could really go for a jacket spud now...

OP posts:
beansmum · 14/05/2012 00:42

OH. It's a biscuit. I've been away from mn for a while, thought Biscuit was a flower, which didn't really make any sense.

OP - tell them to fuck off. Or start giving them unsolicited advice about their marriage, or job or something else you know nothing about and which is none of your business.

startail · 14/05/2012 00:43

UANBU

You seem to have collected more parenting advice in 5 months than I have in 14 years.

I don't have a big family, DM would have hated childcare advice so doesn't give it out.

DMIL sadly died when DD1 was tiny and was another who was forthright in her own views and accepted peoples right to be likewise.

DSIS has hinted that people would think my BFing DD2 forever was weird, by which I think she means she does too.
However, she sadly has never had DCs and so we generally skirt round child related matters unless she's on baby sitting duty.

(Smile) smile with in visible hands over ears, nod and carry one.

Morloth · 14/05/2012 01:06

Nod and smile.

Nod and smile.

You don't actually have to listen at this point, just do something else in your head whilst nodding and smiling.

bogeyface · 14/05/2012 01:09

Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting!

VV annoying but sadly normal and I hate to tell you this, but you will do this to someone else at some point. sorry!

What I love is getting "advice" from someone who assumes my youngest is my only because I am only out and about with her during the day as the others are at work/school. I say "oh, I didnt do cc/earlyweaning/late weaning/early potty training/late potty training etc with my other 5 children and they have all turned out fine" :o:o

Longdistance · 14/05/2012 01:25

The comment 'well I bought up 3 children myself' gets on my nerves Angry
Well you didn't bring mine up!
My mother has no recolllection of me and my dbro, so it's only mil who spouts this crap at me, even though I'm on no.2 now. And I'm and ex nursery nurse.
Smile and nod
Smile and nod.....

bogeyface · 14/05/2012 01:31

"You should do X like I did with my 2....."
And you know that the "2" concerned are so fucked up by their childhoods that Norman Bates looks normal.

ClassFree · 14/05/2012 02:52

I learned to say "Its a good thing we each have our own to raise, isn't it?"

My Dad was always telling me how I needed to do things more like him. I replied that if he did a good job raising me, he should be able to trust me to do a good job. If he screwed up raising me, I didn't want him screwing up my kids! Grin

MumPaula · 14/05/2012 02:53

Do people actual say you need to get your life back? I think I've got off lucky all these years of parenting Grin
Babies/kids are so much more important in my family that a job or a girls night out or some private time with Dh. They are our life and will be there long after the busy bodies have moved on.
We must have a good balance going here we've been married 25 years and love each other more than ever.
I started solids at 6months or later (it's easier if they can just do it themselves instead of trying to push the mush in), breastfed till 2 years, only one of the three slept through before a year old, yet Dh feels like I loved him, we didn't go broke from me not working and I am pretty well full filled and have a life.
What a load of rubbish people come up with