to be told that 2 under 2s will be absolute hell?

[DialMforMummy]

DS2 arrived last week. DS1 is 20 months. I have received this morning a message from an aunt saying "congrats on the arrival of DC2. It will be real tough to start with but will get easier afterwards."
Since we have announced the pregnancy to people, I have heard (from people I know and even people I don't even bloody know) too many times "Oh my god, 2 under 2s you must be mad, You are going to struggle..." And so on....

AIBU to be fed up to the back teeth with these comments that are neither nice nor helpful? How are they supposed to make me feel?
Congratulate for the pregnancy and the birth but keep your negative thoughts for yourself.

DD1 was 15 months when DD2 was born, so had 2 under 2 for quite a while. People said it to me throughout my pregnancy, it drove me mad. By the end it left me even doubting myself. Happy to say they were wrong, from the moment she was born it was blissful. Never found it hard or stressful. I would recommend having babies very close together. It was a magical time :) much harder now they're 3 & 4 lol with their social lives, nursery, school, bickering & not forgetting the washing lol.

I had 3 under 10 months :)

3 month old baby then fell pregnant with twins!!

I also have 2 older children!!

It's all about routine and it's not that bad at all, first few weeks were so manic but now we are all in a routine and plodding along :)

Babies are now 5 months and toddler is 15 months

I had two under two and quite liked it - you get gosh aren't you doing well , you must be kept busy etc type of comments and feel smug and able.

When I had one under one who had colic, didn't sleep etc everyone kept telling me how lucky I was when all I felt was a miserable failure.

You only have X amount of time so whether it is shared one, two or three ways it doesn't make much difference imo.

I think your aunt was being honest and kind. It is bloody hard work - there's 18 months between mine - and it does get easier. I struggled hugely at the beginning, but now I love them being so close in age. I have no idea if it's harder than a large age gap, but any age gap has it's challenges.

BackForGood - telling a stranger they must be mad or that they are going to struggle is not a normal conversational gambit. I understand people are just searching for words to fill a space, but so few ever follow up the negative comments with something positive, and really, wouldn't that be good practise in ANY situation, let alone when hitting strangers with unwanted opinions! It's not too much to ask people to think in terms of building up rather than squashing down. Surely?

I read a blog by a woman with six children and she insists that how hard it is depends on the temperament of the children involved. She found going from 3 - 4 the hardest, not because 3 - 4 is inherently harder than any other, but because her 4th baby was harder work than the others.

josie lol @ smug and able, I know what you mean about those kind of comments - those are okay really its the difference between someone saying "you've got your hands full, don't know how you manage" etc which is not really insulting, compared to "you will have your hands full too much and will not be able to cope" which is rude!

I may be easily pleased but once i was on the tube with my lot (3, 2 and baby) and one lady came along with her one toddler and said 'i have to admire you, i find it hard travelling with one!" and it made my day cos i found it really nice.

There are ways of acknowledging it can be hard work without all the doom and gloom "it will be hell" "never going to cope" type of comments

I have 20 months between mine and wouldn't change it, as i uteerly adore them and planned a small age gap for a number of reasons. Theyre already becoming best buddies!

However, it has not been easy. I'm being treated for PND. Think partly because of hormones/vit/mineral depletion (?) having been preg or breast-feeding solidly for three years. One thing that helps is making time for yourself to be alone for a bit... Well it did me, anyway! And I only did that after being prescribed anti-ds so I'm telling you as a preventative measure... Everyone is different but I think it's unhelpful being told what a "doddle" it is, more so than being told it'll start off hard and get easier.

Congrats by the way!

I got the same comments with twins, you learn to ignore them.

Sounds like she was trying to be encouraging and positive. It is generally true to say that 2 tinies are hard work but it gets much easier as they get bigger. Not sure what the problem is with your aunt saying that.

Congratulations is what I should have said first!