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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be told that 2 under 2s will be absolute hell?

61 replies

DialMforMummy · 13/05/2012 11:06

DS2 arrived last week. DS1 is 20 months. I have received this morning a message from an aunt saying "congrats on the arrival of DC2. It will be real tough to start with but will get easier afterwards."
Since we have announced the pregnancy to people, I have heard (from people I know and even people I don't even bloody know) too many times "Oh my god, 2 under 2s you must be mad, You are going to struggle..." And so on....

AIBU to be fed up to the back teeth with these comments that are neither nice nor helpful? How are they supposed to make me feel?
Congratulate for the pregnancy and the birth but keep your negative thoughts for yourself.

OP posts:

minimisschief · 13/05/2012 14:09

well it would be hard work. I would assume the comments are either general statements or a warning in case you think its going to be easy. Basically its pointless chit chat and why it riles you up is anyones guess.

fuzzypicklehead · 13/05/2012 14:49

YANBU-- I had the same comments when I was expecting DD2, and it is annoying. What's wrong with just saying "Congratulations"?

My stock response to "Gee that's hard work" would be "So is anything worth doing"

Anyway, 2 under 2 is awesome! DD2 pretty much potty trained herself by copying DD1, and they love each other so much they sleep in the same bed. Also, they play together and I get 10 minutes on Mumsnet!

redskyatnight · 13/05/2012 14:56

Well I will hold up my hand and say that I make more or less exactly the same comment as your aunt when I know people are expecting with a

AlpinePony · 13/05/2012 14:57

Everyone can fuck off as far as I'm concerned (I have the same age gap as you).

It was planned
It's a doddle
The worst will be over by Christmas... Those who "wait" are just prolonging ishoos
Again, they can fuck off

redskyatnight · 13/05/2012 14:57

My DC are 20 months apart, I am not a medical miracle!

2old2beamum · 13/05/2012 15:06

11 months between mine hard work but brilliant! s fondly at memory 40 years on.

Gentleness · 13/05/2012 15:10

Already posted but keep thinking about this thread! Yeah, your aunt sounds lovely - it's the other commenters that would irritate me too. Do they seriously think you haven't got the ability to perceive that for yourself?

I'm now dreading going public with news of our third baby ( God willing). It will be another 20mo gap. I know it will be tough. It was planned but we're amazed it happened so fast and that the pg is going well - that's really new for us so we were expecting maybe a 2yr gap! I know already what kind of reactions we'll get and understand them but wish people would be more positive!

deliakate · 13/05/2012 15:31

I think women should be more honest with other women about how hard things are. I know its different for every family, but it was hell for us having 2 under 2 - DS hated DD and hit her every chance he got, I was on my own all day from 2 weeks in and it all went a bit pear shaped. I think the warnings are probably best kept to before you conceive though, afterwards its a bit pointless (unless its meant in a sympathetic way, which I'm sure most of hte time it is)

mumnotmachine · 13/05/2012 15:36

A relative of my old supervisor got married at 17 and at 19 she had 4 kids- two sets of twins either 14 or 17 months apart cant remember exactly- but OMG- that would be a lot of nappies and bottles!

everythingtodo · 13/05/2012 15:36

I found the first year fine but the second year more challenging. The reality for me was my toddler (just turned 2) was still 90% of the work and the baby 10%.

It wasn't till the little one found it's feet at 15 months that there was a complete role reversal and he became most of the work. By that time though DS1 was over 3 and at nursery in the morning leaving me time to dash about after DS2 who I couldn't take my eyes off for a minute!

alistron1 · 13/05/2012 15:46

I had 2 under 1 at one point (not twins) and then 3 under 2.5. It was ok actually, not the 'nightmare' that you'd expect.

Babieseverywhere · 13/05/2012 15:59

People just like to make comments, a lot of people don't bother to engage brain before talking...just ignore negative comments.

I will have 4 children under 5 years in August. I can't wait, I am looking forward to meeting our new baby and introducing him/her to their siblings :)

I have had a lot of comments from acquaintances/strangers , I am learning to filter them before I respond ;)

hideschocolateinthesofa · 13/05/2012 16:00

The most honest thing is that having children is hard work, especially toddlers! My DSs are 18 months apart, in ways taking care of them both has got easier, I have fine tuned a lot of routine for both of them but then I have days where my 22mo will not behave (typical toddler behaviour really) and hit the baby. I agree with the poster who said baby is 10% of the work! Maybe it won't be when he's crawling.

But last week I was queueing up in Starbucks cos DS2 needed a feed and I wanted a big fat creamy hot chocolate, DS1 was trying to wander off so I was holding him and this older woman in front of me kept looking at baby DS2, then toddler, kept turning round and looking. She eventually just said to me 'well you have your hands full' and all I could manage was 'hmmm yeah', didn't fancy a conversation really. But why did she feel the need to say that, even if she did want to start a conversation with me? Couldn't she have just said 'what lovely children you have?' I think she was just being a judgy old bat!

I've also had 'you're a glutton for punishment', you're mad aren't you' and the hands full one a few times. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!!

kilmuir · 13/05/2012 16:09

Well I think you are being OtT with regard to Aunts comment. I had that age gape and she is right! She was not being nasty

dondon33 · 13/05/2012 16:32

I didn't mind the "hands full" comments, it was the "isn't it a bit soon, too close together" comments that boiled my piss.
It's not hell for everyone OP, hard work, stressful at times, demanding and tiring but very worth it. I had 2 under 2 then 3 in 4.5 years, I wouldn't change it.
Enjoy your little ones xx

Ithinkitsjustme · 13/05/2012 16:38

Congratulations!!!

Two under 2's will be just fine, I had 15 months between my 2nd and 3rd and it was great. Still is actually (and they are now 12 and 13). Having another one 16 months later was a bit of a challenge, but it's great now.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 13/05/2012 22:11

Congrats:) It will be fine!

I had three in 2 yrs 3 months... DD1 was 13 months when DS1 was born and 12 months 3 weeks later DD2 was born! (I planned the first two to be that close but DD2 was a BIT of a surprise...)

I then had DS2 3 years later !

Mine are nearly grown up now.. 20,19,18 and 15.. and they are so close. They are great friends and growing up so close together meant activities suited them all age wise, clothes were passed along (OK DS1 did have to wear pink pjs as a toddler!) they weathered many teen disasters together .. one one notable occasion DS1, aged 17 carried home DD2 16 having found her with friends and a bottle of lambrini or three.....

It is tiring, but to be honest so is a bigger gap.. kids are tiring!!

Enjoy:)

BananasInBloomers · 13/05/2012 23:04

I had two under 1 and I found it very draining. When the baby was asleep,the older one was awake and vice versa.

They are now 2 under 2 and they are very close,best of pals but sometimes I find myself counting down to bedtime. Sometimes people want to warn othes in a way that they weren't warned,so that the shock isn't so great it knocks you sideways.

lostInMyHouse · 13/05/2012 23:15

I had that age gap plus 2 house moves before youngest was 9 months as well and new job for DH . Then we had a whole extra four months on that gap between 2 and 3 rd.

TBH it has been hard work but a lot of that been other stuff - some very serious- on top of the smallish age gaps.

I know many other parents with all kind of gaps - large, small and variety of numbers from double digits to singles. Someone always has something less than positive to say.

I like our age gaps its nice watching them play together and seeing how close they are.

sunnydelight · 14/05/2012 08:06

So maybe people should tell you what a doddle it will be and when you have days when you struggle and find it hard work (like everyone does some days) you can feel like a total failure because everyone else clearly copes better than you do.......

bronze · 14/05/2012 08:53

I took my four to the park yesterday (9 through to 3)
Got a 'you've got your hands full today' comment on the way. Made me laugh as they're the same children as I have every other day and they were actually behaving themselves. It's just a comment, making conversation and better than the grumpy people who ignore you or don't acknowledge my children had got out their way on the narrow pavement

tryingtoleave · 14/05/2012 10:53

Everyone I know in rl has been shocked by how much work two dcs are. When people tell me they are having dc1, I think 'how lovely'. When I hear they are having dc2' I think 'you are in for a rough time' - but I don't often say it. Any more dcs and I just think - respect!

Fluffy1234 · 14/05/2012 11:13

I had a nearly 10 year gap between DS1 and DS2 and a tiny gap between DS2 and DS3 and recieved really comments about the big and small gaps. Seems you can't win. And don't even get me started on comments as I have 3 boys!

BackforGood · 14/05/2012 11:21

YABU to be 'fed up to the back teeth' when people are just making idle chit chat, generally in an attempt to empathises with you, or show a bit of admiration that you are coping so well with something they think sounds hard.
However, you are allowed to BU as you are post natal and probably hormonal

KitCat26 · 14/05/2012 12:02

Congratulations! Your aunt sounds like she was just trying to be kind. And the others are just trying to make conversation- smile and nod.

There's a 17.5mth gap between my two. It is fine. It is sometimes hard work, other times it is wonderful. BUT, all kids are hard work, no matter the age gap.

The only comment which has mildly annoyed me was from a pregnant mother of singleton (2.5yrs) who suggested my life must be 'really easy' because of the close gap. I've put it down to hormones and forgiven her now her no. 2 has arrived .

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