At what age does breastfeeding become weird?

[TransatlanticCityGirl]

My MIL made a comment today about a mother who breastfed her child until she was 5 years old - as in, 'can you believe it???? that's just not right!'

Which got me wondering, where do most people draw the line in terms of how old is too "weird"?

notanexciting I think we also have to consider the childs environment when we talk about development. For example just because something may not physically cause harm and may have been proven to have some physical benefits, doesn't mean it cannot be detrimental in other ways.

As Ive said previously, i am not bashing any woman's decision to breastfeed for years, every child is different, but if in the process a child is for example put in a position of doing something they don't want, this may cause other types of harm.

Sorry but I can't help chuckling at the idea that there are women out there, forcing their older DC's to BF against their preference, day in day out, with every single feed a battle....who might then read this thread and suddenly think 'Oh...you're right, it HAS been all about me these last 3 years!'

You allow an older child to keep BFing, you could never force them.

So the only question is should you allow and older child to BF?

If there was any evidence to say it was harmful to their health (mental or physical) or development then I would say that you should say 'no' and wean them. But there is no evidence of harm.

People might feel it is common sense to think that it decreases independence etc. but the research says that they are simply wrong in their feeling.

So what actual reason is there for not allowing it?

there is no reason for not allowing breast feeding to continue if it is a pleasant experience for mother and child.

But there are women who do try to extend their breast feeding journey and become quite upset about it when it appears to be coming to an end. In addition, as I said before from my own childhood experience, sometimes the other children ARE affected by prolonged breast feeding, we certainly were.

"but if in the process a child is for example put in a position of doing something they don't want, this may cause other types of harm."

Do you feel the same about the reverse situation then? That a mother denying their child the breast because they (the mum) want to stop breastfeeding could cause harm to a child? Or in your mind does that harm only work one way?

Dueling Thats a really good question and something Ive struggled with myself!

As I said I had to stop because of tablets I had to take and I was as distraught as my dd clearly was at the sudden stop.

But, if a child wants to stop and it upsets the mother, well Im sorry but its the child that more important in my eyes.

thatisall

Firstly, I don't think it is fair to say that mothers who are sad at BF ending are guilty of artificially prolonging it. I personally am sad that my BF journey will be over soon but have no intention what so ever to push my DD over it.

Secondly I think it is unfair to blame being teased on your mother's BFing. Surely the people teasing are always to blame? Certainly people engaged in natural and innocent activities are NOT to blame.

Thirdly I am sorry that you felt pushed out and maybe that wouldn't have happened without the BFing. However, my own experience of being older sibling to two closer in age younger siblings was pretty much the same regarding feeling pushed out and no extended BFing was involved.

I think the problem is that natural term BFing IS weird in the sense that it is very unusual in the UK. As such there is a tendency to blame it for anything else unusual that happens with a child/family, when in reality it is probably unbelievably neither here nor there.

entophy

Firstly, I did not say that ALL mothers who are sad that breast feeding is coming to an end are guilty of prolonging it..........I said that often women who are intent on prolonging breastfeeding are often very upset that it is coming to an end. There is a difference. A big one. I believe that most mothers are sad when it is over, but only some take that emotion and actively try to prolong it past the point where the child is comfortable.

Secondly, We were teased as my mother breast fed my brother right up to him starting school and did it in the play ground. Nobody else did that. The children took the mickey out of my dsis and I and I even saw teachers and parents having a snigger. Yes they are the bad ones for being so cruel, and I did not blame this on my Mother, merely stated a point; that we were picked on about the breastfeeding of our brother.

Thirdly, we felt particularly pushed out as when Mum had another baby when db was 2 and fed both of them, we just had no time with her, so yes breastfeeding was connected to that. We felt strange about it too and have discussed it since having our own children. My dsis chose not to breast feed and cites our childhood as the reason (though Im not suggesting this is a rule).

Please read what I write as I write it, I am not anti-breastfeeding, nor anti-long-term breastfeeding. I am pro-natural, going with what works best for Mum, baby and the rest of the family and pro-longed breast-feeding is sometimes not best.

"But, if a child wants to stop and it upsets the mother, well Im sorry but its the child that more important in my eyes."

but like someone else has said - there really is no way that a mother could struggle on and on at every feed, forcing a child who wants to stop to latch on. It's nigh on impossible to get a spoon into the mouth of a baby who doesn't want one and even if you do they most likely will spit whatever is in their mouth out. If a baby won't latch on then no amount of trying will help and you will give up really soon.

Judging by the way my 2.6 year old dive bombed my boob this morning while I tried to fend her off - there is clearly sOmething about it he loves.

It's better than chocolate milky apparently - I guess it's because it does what it says on the tin - it's the perfect temperature and the perfec taste. Breast milk is after all designed to be attractive to babies and children - the survival of the species depends on it. And Nolan made structure can ever beat mother natures miracles of construction.

I reckon bottle/ cups are like the toddler equivalent of drinking tattinger out of a plastic pint glass instead of a crystal champagne flute - yes the effect will be the same - but it won't taste as good!

Its a debate that can rage on and on. Sometimes its not force feeding as such, its ignoring the signs from the child that maybe he or she is weaning themselves off breast feeding, which is natural.

There are people out there who hate breastfeeding and there are people out there who will almost militantly breastfeed their child right up to double figures.

I am neither. Breastfeeding was the best decision I ever made. I was sad when it came to an end and I believe that had my health allowed I would have continued night feeds until dd was 2ish, but.... I was already getting the impression that she was self-weaning as she was feeding less and less and for less time. Some women will ignore that, I acknowledged it will a little bit of sadness that my baby was growing up.

My real point is that every child is different, every family is different and breast feeding until a child is in Primary school isn't always good for everyone involved and it isn't always about the child.

*Nolan no man made

whatname I wasn't going to pos again but your post made me laugh so much! My dd was all about the booby!!!

that I didn't say that you did say that all women who are sad are pushy...I just commented that feeling sad and being pushy aren't necessarily linked. I am glad you agree.

I have always taken the statement 'I was bullied because X' to mean that the person blames, at least in part, X. Maybe that is unfair. But I would always try and say that 'I was bullied because people can be nobs.' I strongly believe that even mentioning a cause is to give credence to the bullies.....but perhaps this is neither the time nor the place - apologies.

Do you really think your mum would have a had significantly more time for you if she had been FFing two under 3? I has not been my experience that bottle feeding is faster? I just think you may be blaming BF for something that would have happened regardless of the feeding method.

that I am sorry if I upset you! I really wasn't meaning to have a go....just to challenge the idea that things that happen at the same time as BF can necessarily be blamed on BF.

entrphy had Mum had twins, she would have been very busy indeed, but she didn't. She breastfed a baby and a child, a boy who went to Nursery, ate at the table etc. That was her choice. She breastfed for hours and hours a day. She didn't need to make the decision to bottle or breast feed my bro, he was ready and capable of using a cup! Which he did when he fancied juice! So the speed of feeding isn't an issue, he didn't really need it did he? In fact she fed him longer even after the new baby had stopped.

The reason I attribute the bullying to the breastfeeding was because thats what it was about. Our Mum treating dbro like a baby in their eyes, was he 'special' there were even older kids who called Mum a child molester. I KNOW this was their issue etc, but tbh, we two sisters found it uncomfortable to see even at home. He was as tall as my sis at one point and still breastfeeding.

Like I said the debate can rage on and I am not in the corner of prolonged breast feeding is wrong, just that it isn't always the right thing.

worth a read

entopy Im not upset don't worry. Debate is good, we can't all agree all the time and tone is difficult to measure in written word.

I suppose at menopause when they are no longer having babies, then it's too old to breastfeed.

oh... did you mean the age of the babies?

that yes of course - I was being an idiot...BFing a toddler that could otherwise totally feed themselves is taking time away. I get (finally) what you were saying now.

Wow - child molester. How utterly horrible. We (the human race) are just so shit at seeing things from others point of view, and far far to quick to thing badly of people who have made different choices.

So many people have come on here and said that BFing an older child just happens day to day, because why would you stop having a daily shared moment of comfort and bonding that your child appreciates? And still people keep posting yeah but it's just mums being selfish, needy etc....sort of makes me despair.

Gosh - I hope it's obvious that last bit was just general meandering hyperbole and not at all directed at you that! you seem to be as staunchly behind each case on its own merits as I am....

I was thinking about this last night, we have the car, it's quicker easier and more convenient - but it not healthier.

Fact is - if we were physically meant to stop breast feeding - then our bodies would stop producing milk.

When I was at Woburn - there were Wallabies - there was a baby Wallaby - hoping around eatIng whole nuts and then nursing from mum. So I guess walking and eating solids doesn't fit in with natures plan for ending feeding.

It amazes me how everyone thinks how I feed and raise my children is their business.

I was thinking about this last night, we have the car, it's quicker easier and more convenient - but it not healthier.

That's not the right analogy. We started complementary feeding a long, long time ago - pre Homo Sapiens probably. Its like saying all this walking on 2 legs and cooking food stuff is nonsense, and not the "natural" way.